Faking Reality- Jian

Funerals- Trevor Point of View

I can't honestly believe that today is the day I farewell my best friends and my brothers. To be honest, the pain and loss of losing both J.C and Kian to suicide is still so fresh that I can't honestly bring myself to get out of bed and to go to the funerals. Because I know that as I stand in the church and as I watch both of their caskets being taken out, I know that this is finally reality and this is finally it and they both will be gone and honestly, I can't deal with that. But in life, I suppose you can't pick and choose what you experience and what you have to deal with. Life just finds a way to chuck horrible and messed up situations in front of you and you have to find a way to deal with it even if it's difficult and I suppose that's what it was with the funerals of J.C and Kian. A messy and difficult situation. And honestly, I couldn't escape this no matter how hard I try. I know that this situation will never resolve itself because I will never see J.C smile again. Because I'll never hear one of Kian's stupid and lame jokes. Because I'll never see J.C and Kian fall deeper in love every-day and grow stronger as a couple every-day. But most of all, I'll never get the chance to tell both of them how much they really mean to me and how much of an impact they had on my life. And to be honest, I don't want to face this messy and difficult situation because it will finally confirm that Kian and J.C have finally slipped away and I honestly can't lose them that easily. And as I stand up in front of the church, give my speech and carry Kian's coffin out of the church, I know that I have lost them and they're never ever coming back. They have slipped away and a part of me has slipped away with them and I know I'll never get that back no matter how hard I try. It is gone and it has disappeared. And just like them, I know this time it is final and it'll never find its way back no matter how hard it tries.