Faking Reality- Jian

Aftermath: J.C

Slipping away seems like the easier thing to do right? Isn't there the saying: "Follow your heart?". Isn't there a part of life which sometimes forces you to chase after the one you loved? I suppose for me, all of these things confronted me as I slowly adjusted to what seemed like heaven crossed with hell. As I try to comprehend what I actually did and I try and comprehend that I actually went through with it and I am actually dead, all I really can do is think. Think about Kian and how I am going to find him. It's him I did it for. All because I loved him and still love him. Honestly, I wish I hadn't but I know that if I didn't make the decision, I would be lost with Kian which I know sounds desperate and sad but I suppose as I think about Kian, I think about what that little minx brought into my life. How he made me happy when I was in a depressed state. How he brought light and love into my life for the first time since I admitted to myself that I was Bi. How he became my purpose and my reason to fight and my reason to get up in the morning because I knew that he would be there with a crazy adventure. But most of all how he taught me more about myself and taught me more about who I really was as a person and who I growing into being. And I know that none of that is ever going to be possible again because he's slipped away and so have I. And I suppose for me, I had found my purpose and that was Kian. All I know is that I needed him so much more than I really actually thought I did and I finally know that my life has purpose and meaning and I know that as I go to seek and find Kian, I know that finally my purpose and meaning will be complete and that's all because of the love from a boy by the name of Kian Robert Lawley.