I still can't comprehend that I actually did it. I can't comprehend that I am actually dead and this time there is no going back. Honestly it really resounded in me that I was dead when I was watching my funeral from my cloud spot but to be honest what striked me as different and strange was that there was two caskets instead of one and I honestly didn't see J.C anywhere. A part of me honestly does not want to believe that he's in the casket beside me but a part of me knows what he did. How he also committed suicide and I finally realize as I watch Ricky and Trevor carrying the caskets out that he did it for love and he did it for me and honestly that's one of the sweetest things I have ever seen J.C do. But as I think about that and if it really is J.C, I do wonder why. Why would he give it all up just for me? Why didn't he just move on and find someone else to love? Why did it have to be the only answer he could find? But even though I know that all of these and more questions are circling my mind, I know that if I really want an answer, it's J.C I need to find to find that answer because it was his decision and his choice and he would have the answer. And I know as I replay the lyric: "Without losing a piece of me, maybe I don't want heaven" from Heaven by Troye Sivan, I know that I won't have that answer until I find J.C and from this, I know what I need to do. I need to find J.C.
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Faking Reality- Jian
Fanfic"I feel as if I'm running back to where I started. You ask what's wrong with me and I say nothing. Is everything okay? Is something wrong with me? Pushing and pulling feelings. Eternal my heart is yours. I feel as if I'm running. I feel as if I'm ru...
