30 Day Letter Challenge

Day Twenty, The One Who Really Broke My Heart

Well, I could write this letter to several people. The ex I wrote to, or the one I drifted away from. I could technically write another to my mother. Maybe a friend who did something dissapointing. Maybe certain friends in general, as friends. I'm openly not very sure. All of the above have already been written letters but, screw it.

Dear Joanna,

    I would really love to know what's up.. I know it hasn't been sudden, but, really? You were decently fine a few days ago... And you're barely speaking. And yeah, I don't mean just not to me, I mean at all. Not talking about it is not gunna help you. When I'm upset, I wanna talk, and no one listens. You probably heard me say at lunch today that me and Purnima haven't really been talking. So, as I've barely talking to my sister, the one I tell everything to, and you're not talking to anyone, I'm messed up too. Hello, only person I'm not embarrassed seriously talking to. I don't know how you deal with all the secrets in your head, because I really, truly, can't do it.

   It's funny because, I was so happy when you apologized for how you've been.. But then you stopped talking with me on deep levels. Once you realized I was messed up, I was too messed up? I don't do pity, my friend. Sure, consider the circumstances, but respect it, don't pity it. It really seems like you're keeping things from me as to not have a breakdown myself, but I'm in a better place than that now.

    It's pissing me off that you won't let me be a good friend. Stop acting like you can't tell me things because I have problems too. Or, at least, that's what it seems. I'm the type of person who can't freakin stand that. I wanna help, sure I don't know how, but I do know talking helps. Because then at least you know you're not alone. Right now, I feel alone. Seriously, I'm lost. Utterly and Completely. Between you, school, and then there's everything else. Even when I try to talk to you at lunch, your lips are pressed together, only to open every once in a while to say, "I don't know." Now I know why Makayla was so mad at me for being like this, it's so frustrating. I felt bad the whole time I was doing it though, and you best believe I knew I had some apologies to make.

  I know going back is tuff, but it isn't this bad. I doubt that's it but, it's still true. I've heard you've just being quiet all day, barely speaking, secluding yourself when you can. Hey, they don't bite? Well, at least, most of them don't. My peeps do. But they're freaks so, that's why. Anyway, this didn't happen last year. We were still great. So what's the problem, the dilemma, the issue? I realize pressing like this is probably selfish of me, but I can't help it. You won't even talk to me. I'm ragging on it, but I don't know. Just like last time, I didn't know. Because, again, you haven't told me. Is it once again accurate that I don't know you? Might it again be accurate that no one knows me? That second question actually is more of something that's bugging my inner mind.. But in order to maintain a friendship, any relationship at all really, you must have communication and trust and all that. My name is not Makayla, this is how I would and did treat her. I didn't trust her, but I knew she'd wait around for me. Maybe you don't trust me, and maybe I'll wait around. But maybe I won't. I mean, I just don't  understand. At all.

    So once again, I just really wish you could tell me what's wrong. It's the most frustrating thing in the world for me for you to be walking around like a zombie all the time. Then going home and acting like a sloth, yes a freakin sloth, and not leaving. Ok, being tired: One thing. Not feeling like it: Another. Before I got your text today saying you didn't have the energy, I passed out. I was asleep from about 6:30 to 12:30, six hours. Now I can't sleep, oh the joy.. I was tired, and I was going to go out. I needed a break, either way. You, knowing you you might still be up. Sleeping problems suck.

   All I know is you need a change of mindset, and I hope you can find a way to do that. In some aspects, I think I've helped myself by doing that. But I haven't the slightest clue how I did it. I'm currently trying to change my behavioral patterns.. It's really hard. But it'll be worth it. If you can, try. Write more, write letters. Sing at the top of your lungs and not care.. I don't know. I know you probably are trying because, why wouldn't you, but I don't know what else to say. I just.. I hope soon this'll be a past issue. It's really breaking me up inside.

   Love,

      Mel

PS You didn't see this coming, did you?

A/N: This song is perfect! Especially the first verse!