30 Day Letter Challenge

Day Twenty-Seven, Friendliest Person

Instead of writing this to someone I only knew for a day, I'm choosing to write it to a long time friend of mine who doesn't get enough credit.

Dear Kevin,

  Hey... I guess you could say we've been friends since 6th grade. In my book, that's a long time, almost none of the rest of my friends have been around that long. It's funny, because I would never let you be as close as you wanted to be. I've always had problems telling you things, put a wall up. I guess I could never believe you really cared. I still have trouble with it.

  It's great though, I could probably tell you anything and you would sympathize with me, instead of judging. I could probably tell you I was a lesbian, and maybe you would accept it, even though you've obviously liked me for years. You would fight someone for me if I needed you to.. For a while you'd do anything I asked. That might be over now, because I'm not as good a friend as you are. Recently, we haven't talked as much. So I'm assuming you wouldn't do anything for me anymore, because your feelings might be hurt.

  It's really not on purpose that I'm doing this.. It's just that I don't stay up that late anymore. You always wanna talk at like 1 in the morning, and until like 4, I can't do that. Especially now that school has started. But it really is bugging me. I sweaar. I really realized it the other day when you posted your "Updated List Of Trusted Friends", I got left out. I used to be number one. I had to "like" it, though I don't know if out of spite, or because it's true. You could trust me with anything though, if you wanted to. I'm good with secrets. Sadly enough, I know alot of things I probably don't need to about alot of people. Secrets just seem to find their way to me one way or another.

  That reminds me, the other day there was a status on your facebook saying you're gay? But then a few hours later it was deleted. It didn't seem like it would be false, but then why would you delete it? Because you were embarrassed? But there's no way you're gay. I mean, it's fine if you are, but.. I just wouldn't believe it. Not completely gay, anyway. Bi would make more sense considering your behavior. There's no way you don't like girls. I can't believe this bothered me that much.. Knowing you, you left yourself signed in and your little brother posted it. It's still a convo I would like to have, though, beause it seems everyone is hating on gays and bis lately. It's bothering me, because, why is it their problem? It isn't. At all. It's not right to hate, hate is an all around bad thing, especially on things people can't change. Like their race, or sexuality.

  Sooo.. I'm sorry, for being a crappy friend. Even though if I apologized to you face to face, you would tell me there was nothing to apologize for and that I'm a great friend. It's really frustrating when you do that, I know when I've screwed up, don't pretend I'm perfect when I know I'm not. You have a habit of that. I know when I should feel bad, so stop trying to make me think I'm just all around great. Because if you were to ever succeed, it wouldn't be pretty. Inflated egos aren't safe things. You need to understand that..

  The only problem I've ever really had with you, would be that you try to say things you think people find funny. I'm not people, when you do that I get thoroughly offended and annoyed. That, and you have a tendency to take jokes and things too far. Sometimes way too far, and you don't seem to realize it. Otherwise, you are probably the friendliest person I know, even when people completely shoot you down. I don't think you're capable of purposely being mean, and you've only gotten mad at me (I think) once which was because I guess I really hurt your feelings.

   I hope we talk more soon, it's really weird when we used to talk every night. Really really weird. After all these years, I can honestly say I give a damn about you, and I'm finally not ashamed of it considering your reputation. I'd still count you as one of my trusted friends.

    Mel