NERD (Niam) (boyxboy)

8

I've been thinking a lot lately.

I don't think this way, like, ever.

I want to miss school. I've never wanted to miss school. Ever. But I hate it lately. I don't know why. Ever since I found out I was forced to give blow jobs I've tried to avoid it. But I can't. It keeps replaying in my head. I've began to remember bits and pieces. The choking, the tears, the burn. It makes me tear up a little every time. People make a mockery and accuse me of crying because I'm gay or something...

Crying in class apparently isn't allowed because I got sent out the room.

Things get hard, I know that.

I've just never had to feel like this before.

Brian has been good. He's so supportive I can't believe he actually likes me. Well, I don't know that he likes me but he talks to me and he actually seems to care so that's something, I guess.

I've never had this before so it's nice.

Liam is a different story. He's like stalking me! He won't leave me alone. I've made it clear I don't want to talk to him but he won't stop.

Brian punched him the other day, Liam fought back. Each time Liam was hit, I hurt more. I didn't like it. I hated it. But then I hated myself for caring. I took him to the nurse and didn't talk to Brian for the rest of the day. He apologised and explained he was angry that Liam wouldn't leave me be and he didn't tell me what the others did. He truly seemed genuine so I forgave him.

I can tell Liam doesn't like Brian though. He's kept telling me that there's something about Brian that isn't right. He thinks Brian is trying to hurt me but who would do that? Why act like you like me just to screw with me? No that's not right. Liam has to be lying. Maybe it's Liam that's really doing that but Brian got in his way? who knows. All I know is that Brian is being really nice to me and I like him a lot.

"hey Ni!" I smiled as Brian's strong, warm arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"Hi". I shoved my glasses up my nose again and sat down with my lunch.

"How was class?" He began eating his apple and I sighed.

"I got kicked out for crying again". He smirked but it left his face quickly as he frowned.

"That sucks". I nodded and watched him eat the apple. Why did he smirk? "Louis called you an ugly duckling again".

I get called a lot of names. And I deal with it. It's normal to me now. But the only one that truly hurts me is 'ugly duckling'. I don't know why exactly. But it really fucking hurts.

"Twice I think, maybe three times. He's telling everyone to come up to you and call you that as well. Told me too. I kinda did tell you didn't I? Ugly duckling". He laughed then shut his mouth quickly.

Did he just actually laugh or is it my imagination?

Wait, did he just call me an ugly duckling?

Nah, I'm imagining things I swear.

Maybe I've gone crazy?

"UGLY DUCKLING!!" Laughter echoed through the cafeteria and I looked up to find the source.

"UGLY DUCKING, UGLY DUCKLING, UGLY DUCKLING"

The room began to chant over and over and I felt tears begin to cloud my vision. Why do people hate me so much? What did I ever do?

The laughter just got louder. Brian was trying not to laugh. I thought he was my friend. If he was, he wouldn't find this funny. But maybe he's laughing at something else, right? He is looking at his phone anyway. What could be so funny on a device? It's full of fakes complaining about crap that isn't relevant. I mean, I can't afford a phone so I barely know what happens on social media...that's what it's called right?

The next time I look up, everyone is looking at their phone, laughing. I frowned and looked to Brian who turned his phone to face me and my vision clouded so much a tear fell to my lenses. 

I pulled my glasses off to clean them but ended up crying more, shoving his phone away and running from the room. I couldn't stop hearing the laughter that filled the room, even as far as I was from it. It wouldn't end. It hurt. Am I really that ugly? That no one will ever like me, want to associate with me? Am I actually going to be alone forever? I really don't like it here.

-------------------------------------------

So, I know it's short but I'm going through something really tough at the moment and I just felt bad for not updating...

I can't draw for shit but that's what the photo on the phones looked like, you'll find out who drew it in time...

My aunty is in ICU (intensive care) at the moment so that is why I've been shitty, also I was just busy before this happened. 

Don't know when the next update will be but I'm not in a great state of mind and I'm studying and volunteering so I'm quite busy.

Thank you for reading.

- Elisha x