NERD (Niam) (boyxboy)

39

Studying can be so tiring.

It takes up so much time.

I was trying so so hard to concentrate but then Liam would come in and distract me and I kept getting angry so I went back home.

It was a very eery feeling when I stepped in.

It just felt cold, empty...dusty.

It's obvious Greg hasn't come to stay here which is what I was afraid of in the first place.

I told Liam I was going to the library but he didn't see my packed bag of all my clothes so he just nodded and didn't say much.

I just felt like I was overstaying there. It's not my home and this isn't either without mum. But this will do for a bit. I don't need electricity or anything that badly. We have candles and torches everywhere.

Maybe I'll go to Ireland when I finish my exams...Or maybe mum will come back?

Maybe we should just move back there.

I don't know.

I don't want to live near Greg.

I want to be as far away as possible.

But am I willing to let go of Liam and my new friends for this? Can I cope without them?

Who knows.

I just needed to study and study hard because getting that scholarship is all that matters to me.

My heart is set on becoming a doctor and I don't have a second plan.

I know I can't be putting my whole heart on becoming a doctor and not thinking of any other options, but, there isn't anything else I want to do.

I hope Liam understands he hasn't seen me like at all for two weeks.

Of course he was knocking on my door incessantly for the whole two weeks he hadn't see or heard from me..

I miss him, truly...But I really needed this.

I don't have a fortune or money saved up for university and so a scholarship is what I need and to get that I need my amazing grades and to get that I needed to just study.

I also needed to pay attention to eating and drinking to keep myself intact.

I really just needed to get through the two weeks of these exams and maybe everything will work out.

Just maybe.

And it did.

I feel so confident with how I went that I'm almost sure I will get that scholarship. 

But now that I've finished the feeling has suddenly come over me of how much I miss Liam. I literally haven't seen him for like fourteen fucking days. Seriously. 

What was I thinking?

I must be bloody insane. 

Which is how I have ended up...yet again...on his door step. 

I feel so nervous yet so excited to see his handsome face again. 

To feel his lips on mine, his arms around me, his chest against mine..

"Oh? And why has this stranger showed up at my door?" I frown as I look up to Liam's sad but angry expression.

"I...I understand that you're upse-"

Liam scoffs and crosses his arms. 

"Like fuck you do! I didn't even know if you were okay! Two fucking weeks Niall! You basically broke up with me without a word! How could you do that!? A simple word could've helped this whole situation but no...You're just going to the library! Yet apparently that means a two week trip of disappearance! Ignoring my frantic knocks on your door, ignoring my calls for you when I saw you down the corridor! But I'm just upset, right?" His eyes filled with tears as I just stared at him, unable to form words. How could I do this? How could I do this and not even notice, or think? 

"I'm so sorry...I just...That scholarship is so important to me I-"

"More important than me?" 

"Of course not!" I move to grab his hand in mine but he shrugs me away. "Liam please". 

"You obviously couldn't deal with me so what do you want now? You're not too busy so you need something? Am I just a fill in for you?! Just something to use when you don't have something else to do?" 

"That's not true and you know it!" I feel tears roll down my cheeks.

"How would I?" 

"Because I love you!" 

"Yeah right". 

Here come the sobs. 

"Liam please!" I place my hands on his face to make him look at me. "Why won't you listen to me!? I don't have all this money or contacts or stability you do! I needed to study 100 percent of my two weeks so I could get a scholarship and go to school with you! I did all this for you! Yeah it was also for myself but I didn't want to be at different universities. I want to be with you! So fuck off with this yeah right to me telling you I love you because that just fucking hurts! I fucking love you Liam! I didn't mean to hurt you at all and to think you think I would on purpose kills me. I don't know what I would do without you and to think you were so close to ending all of this just now I just..." I move my hands from his face and step back as he thinks. He's so deep in thought I'm not even sure he knows I'm standing here. 

He looks back to me and his eyes soften as he reaches out and gently wipes the tears from my cheek with his thumb. 

"Niall..." He cups my face in his hands and walks closer to me so we're almost chest to chest. "I'm sorry" He pulls me to him and holds me close. So tight he's afraid of letting me go, but I'm doing the same. "I'm so sorry". I pull back as much as I can and quickly press my lips to his, the feeling jolting me out of the sadness as I run my fingers through his hair, his lips taking mine as if we were about to die. 

I missed this feeling more than anything and now that I have it back I can't ever lose it. 

I'm such an idiot for doing that to him but at least he understands why I did now. 

I really need to get into a uni and if I don't all this will have been for nothing. 

But fuck I can't do this again.

I love him too much. 

And from the way we're kissing at the moment I think it would almost be deadly to do this again. 

The thought of losing him just for that few minutes was absolute hell and fuck me if I do this shit again. 

I almost lost him already and it can't happen again.

I won't let it. 

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I know it's been forever and I can't even express how sorry I am!

I got a job and had to work four weeks full time for training but hopefully I won't be as busy!

hope you enjoyed it :)