NERD (Niam) (boyxboy)

24

Mum has been sitting on the couch all day, just staring.

I'm really getting concerned about her.

She hasn't said a word since last night.

It hurts me to watch her like this.

I haven't seen this since the day we found out Greg was going to Prison for life. Parole is in the criteria but not for another year and I'm scared.

I don't want him to be let out.

He can't be.

He doesn't deserve the fresh air and freedom we get.

He doesn't deserve our mum.

He took my boyfriend's sister.

Louis' apparent brother.

People that belonged to others.

it's not fair.

"Ma, would you like something to eat?" She just continued to stare. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, filling it with water.

A knock made me jump and spill water over my shirt. I placed the glass in the sink and made my way to the front door, pulling the shirt from sticking to my skin but failing.

I opened the door and stared as Liam smiled sheepishly.

"Hey". I was mesmerised by his eyes, his hair, the adorable puppy look that covered his face along with the scruff along his chin and muscles bulking out his shirt that crossed from adorable to sexy.

"Why are you here?" Liam's expression changed to shocked and he took a step forward but I took one back, closing the door slightly.

"I didn't see you leave.." I scoffed.

"Of course you didn't. You were too busy trying to act as if I don't exist to notice". He frowned and ran his hand through his hair. "Or to notice the wonderful bitchy snobs who are your friends were having a huge go at my mum because we're filth and shouldn't have been there at all".

"What?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" I laughed. "Wait, of course you didn't! I don't exist when there are people around, right?"

"Nia-" I shook my head and held my hand up to him.

"No. Don't. I don't need your petty excuses. I was doing just fine before you. I wasn't hurt. I didn't go to those stuck up parties where I dressed my best and as did my mother and we did our best to fit in only to be spat on because of what kind of house we live in, what kind of job my mother has, or what kind of relatives we have". I went to turn and close the door but he grabbed my hand, making me look back.

"Niall please, I didn't know". I snatched my hand away and shook my head.

"Yet it took you all night and most of the day to come?".

"Just let me explain".

"There's nothing for you to explain. Y'know, I thought having a boyfriend would make things a little better. I'd have someone who was there. Someone to notice something was wrong. Someone to defend us. But you weren't there. You were no where to be seen. You didn't notice I had left. I don't need this. I don't need someone who will sometimes be there when it suits them. It was like you were ashamed of me Liam. Behind doors, you didn't give a fuck. But the second we left the privacy of a room, I was nonexistent. You didn't even look back. It hurt. I came out for a reason. I'm not going to hide anymore. I hate hiding who I am. I know you probably aren't ready, and I get that. But I didn't expect to be invisible for you to hide it. I thought you'd at least say I'm your friend or something! Am I really such an embarrassment that I can't even be your friend? I did not expect you to announce like that, that you're gay. I'm not that kind of person. But acting as though I wasn't there...It just...I thought more of you. I thought you were different to them. Louis may be an ass, but you're just oblivious to it all...I don't think-"

"No! Niall don't please I'm so sorry please!" He pulled me to him and hugged tightly, the wetness of my shirt making us stick together. I didn't hug back, my arms stayed limp against my sides. I didn't want to.

"I'm sorry". He held tighter, making me stiffen. I didn't want this. He can't expect to be forgiven after that. It hurt me so much. My whole life I've been invisible. I thought he would be different. I thought he would change that. But he did that to me. It was him of all people, that hurt me.

"No. Niall please don't". I gently pushed him away and he just stared at me, his eyes glassy.

"I can't be with someone who can't notice I leave a place. I can't be with someone who doesn't notice something is wrong. I can't be with someone who hides me..."

"Niall please just-"

"It won't work. It's not going to work"

"Niall stop!" His expression hurt me. It hurt me so much. I can't even bare to look at him.

"My mum is sitting in there, staring at the wall. She hasn't said a word. Hasn't eaten or drank anything. She needs me, and I can't be there for her if I'm going to be constantly hurt like this...worried about how you're doing. Worried that you're stressed about being gay, worried about what others will think..."

"Niall"

"It's just not going to work".

"Don't you dare Niall don't you say-"

"You should go, this isn't going to work out. Bye Liam". I closed the door quickly, not wanting to see his face or give him the opportunity to stop me.

Sliding down the door, I ran my hands through my hair and cried. I don't cry much. I don't let others make me. But breaking up with someone is something I've never done. Especially to someone I actually liked. I really really liked Liam. Which is why it hurts so much more.

I wish I didn't do that.

But I'm also glad I did.

I can't be constantly on the sidelines. Constantly in the dark.

I know it would be hard for him, but he didn't have to hide me completely. It felt like he didn't want to be seen with me at all and that...that was what hurt the most.

I went to that damn party for him. I didn't want to go but I did. Because I thought he wanted me there. Apparently I was wrong.

I haven't cried this hard in so long. My body hasn't shaken like this in years. The struggle for breaths and the lack of oxygen in my lungs...the snot hanging from my nose and the tears dripping down my chin.

I hated it.

But I needed to let it out.

Because I just told someone I really liked to walk away.

And I don't know that I'll get him back.

I don't know I want him back.

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you probably hate me...
Sorry I took so long but I was sick...

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