The New Guy

Nostalgia

Gil's POV

Truth be told, I forgot about the piano's significance in my life. Guess it's just me getting old. I'm not really old but I feel old. The painting made me feel incredibly old. I had forgotten it all but suddenly I just remembered. I didn't even mean to paint it, it just kind of happened. It's weird, I know. 

I still miss it. I miss a lot of things. It's weird because when I was given the chance to leave, I left without a second thought. I didn't think I'd miss anything back home. I hated it. Still do but I guess I never noticed the good I had there. It's cliche as hell but true. Thinking about it now, I'm never going to be able to visit that house again. It's abandoned and run down, of course, but I loved visiting it. A lot of good came from it. I almost wish I could go back to those days. 

"Are you okay?"

"Hm?" I looked up. 

"You look ready to cry, are you okay?" Matthew said with pure concern. I noticed then that his hand was on my shoulder like an anchor to reality.

"Oh." I'm absolutely fine, really. Maybe too sentimental but I'm fine. The crying I'm not too sure about. I half-smiled. "Don't worry about me, I'm good."

"You sure? Because it looked like your brain did a one-eighty on you."

"I'm alright, really." I looked back to the painting. "I just remembered something, is all." Now that I think about it, forgetting things isn't that bad. It lets me focus on the now. And right now, I don't have it bad. I'm good. I'm safe. I'm making friends. I'm playing it safe. I'm with my brother.

I'm alright.

~

I used to think about death a lot. Extremely depressing, yes, but I don't really think about it anymore. It feels like a distant memory but it still haunts me. After all, once it becomes an option, it never stops being one. It comes to me. I ignore it. Done.

Memories make it harder to do that though. With the piano, many more joined the party. Things worst to remember. Things I chose to forget. It's pointless to keep going. Best to bury them again. I sure do make great life choices.

Anyway, upon getting home, I decided to call Toni. I've missed the late night chats we used to have. We would talk about everything and anything back then. He was like an older brother almost. Almost. He has a brother and he would constantly talk to me about how annoying he was. Once telling me that I was like the little brother he wish he had. We have been together for so long, he practically is my family. My first choice to call. 

"Gil?" It's funny but I miss his voice. I forgot how heavy his accent was. It's the little things I never really noticed, I guess.

"Hey, Toni." I found myself smiling. "I just wanted to talk, you know?"

"You really miss me that much, don't you?"

"Perhaps." 

"You must really be getting cozy over there using such a fancy word." 

"I guess it's because of this one guy I met." 

"Is it that same guy that isn't crazy to get you to join the cult or the guy with the British dad?"

"They're both the same guy actually but yeah." 

"Hm." I could practically imagine the smile on his face. "You must really like him." He had a teasing tone. 

"What are you thinking?" If he was here, I would have narrowed my eyes at him suspicious.

"I sense a budding romance in works." He was half giggling as he said that. 

"You're drunk." I teased. 

"Nope, I'm as sober as can be." He giggled again. "You're denying it already. Means he's a real keeper, huh?"

"I've known him for like two or three days."

"Well, you seem real fond of him and I know you're not very good with people."

"What? I'm good with people!"

"You've made one friend and you haven't talked to anyone else."

"Touche." I chuckled. "So, how is it back home?"

"Shit."

"Really, nothing new?" 

"Well," There was shift on his end. "it feels like there's a void because you're not here. It's a lot quieter too. It's really boring actually."

"So it's shittier?" To be completely honest, that boosted my self esteem and I felt a sense of pride. I really matter a lot to them. "Such a shame I can't fill that void with my awesomeness." I heard him laugh on his end. 

"How's your brother?" 

"Oh, don't even get me started!" I exclaimed dramatically. "He barely talks to me anymore."

"Why?"

"He has a life here."

"Such a shame."

"How is Francy?"

"Insane." 

"Why?"

He sighed, "You'll see." 

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"Not really, but he's being ridiculous."

"God, I can't wait." I said that too happily. He quieted for a second. 

"You really do miss us don't you?" 

"...Yeah." It was my turn to sigh. 

"We're lucky that technology exists, you know?"

"Yeah." 

"Hey," He was practically whispering at this point. "I miss you too. It's weird not having you around, never this long, anyway. There was that one year but that was so long ago, I never thought it would happen again. You're like family. But don't let this get you down. We'll get there, I promise you that. Be patient. I know it's a lot to ask. We'll get there." 

"Okay." I squeaked out, trying my best to swallow the lump building in my throat. It worsened as I heard a loud slam in the background. 

"I have to go. Hope you have fun with that boy~! Adios!"

"Bye-" I barely started before he hung up. I looked at my phone in my hand, frowning. I let my hand drop and my body relax and spread on the couch. 

Nostalgia is depressing when you really get down to it. There's a hope in it, though. A hope for happiness that will never be achieved again. I really need to get out of the past.