The New Guy

Space and Killer Smiles

Gil's POV

I was in space the entire day. I just couldn't get my mind in the right place. I kept jumping from Francis and Toni coming soon to Matthew to Luddy. I kept looping and getting lost. And I'm not even sure why. I'm a goddamn mess right now.

I really want Francis and Toni to just get here already. It's torture without them. Yet it's not really torture. A piece of me likes them being far so I can keep things balanced. I almost like the feeling of living a double life. By night, a huge loser talking to long distance friends. By day, also a loser but enjoying time with this guy he met just this week. What a hero I am.

Seriously, I barely just met Matthew and it boggles my mind because it feels like I've known him for years. He just carries that vibe of familiarity around him. He reminds me of Autumn. Chill and really pretty. Yet really surprising at times. I'm starting to pick up on weird things he does. Like, he wears the same hoodie with a leaf on it every day. Also, despite how absolutely calm and quiet he is, he has a serious case of passive aggressiveness. I'm legitimately impressed by it, honestly. He also expresses with his shoulders more than anything. He could have a totally blank face but his shoulders could be all over the place. The same thing goes with his hands. And he has really nice hands. I bet they're really soft. What I would do to touch them.

That's a weird thought never mind.

I really need to get my shit together. I thought I would have it all together at this point. I though I would be living the greatest life. Instead, I'm here spaced out in the middle of class in a country I'm not used to being in. It's almost a dream.

I feel like I'm ungrateful. I probably don't even deserve it all, really. It's a wonder how someone like me can get such a rich life. It's even more of a wonder why I'm not satisfied with it. I mean, I have a home, Luddy, friends, everything anyone could ever want. Yet I've already found things to complain about. It's all a bother.

I should be satisfied with the school but there's barely any interesting people. In that case, I should be satisfied with the friends I do have but I don't see Matthew much and Toni and Francis are pretty much out of the question. Then I should be satisfied at home but it's like solitary there. No Luddy half the time and when he is there he's insanely distant. Doesn't help that I lock myself in my room.

It's all so damn frustrating. But I guess it's all fine, nothing life threatening.

It's all fine.

~

"Do you ever want to just choke someone?" Matthew slammed himself on the art room table when he sat down.

"Well, hi to you too."

"I'm so close to just leaving right here, right now." He lifted his head from his arms with annoyed look on his face.

"Shit day?"

"Yep."

"Well, to answer your question, sometimes." I gave him a sympathetic look. "Who do you want to choke anyway?"

"My idiot of a brother."

"Well, I'm not surprised, he is kind of an idiot."

"Of course you would know."

"You really are mad, huh?"

"I'm not mad just frustrated."

"I can understand that."

He groaned. "I wish I could just talk to you all day so I wouldn't have to worry about much."

"W-h-at?" I choked not really meaning to. I just didn't expect him to say that. He grew wide-eyed and seemingly pink. I'm pretty sure he realized what he just said.

"I mean—I don't-shit I'm sorry I said that!" He looked horrified. I must have had a terrifying look on my face if he had that face.

"No, no, no!" I laughed and waved my hand in the air as if I was batting away what he said. "It's fine! Don't worry about it."

"Oh god..." He whined, letting his head fall back into his arms on the table. He muttered something but I couldn't understand it with his small voice.

"What was that?" He lifted his head with a frown.

"My life is just falling apart and there's no helping me now."

"Oh c'mon, I told you it was fine."

"I know but it's still embarrassing as hell."

"I know a trick to help that."

"What is it?"

"Don't think about."

"Of course!" He moved his hand to his chest for dramatic effect.  "I, an idiot, could never think of such a thing. You're a genius, Gilbert!"

"Thank you, thank you, I don't try." I bowed, almost hitting my head against the table. He especially laughed at that.

"So, maybe, I'm wrong about nothing to help me." I damn near passed out at the sweet look he gave me. Such a shy smile and such sparkling eyes should not exist on someone. That could kill an army alone. "Thanks for that." This boy is going to kill me.

"No problem." I tried really damn hard not to sound like I was having a massive brain outage.

"So, how's your day been?" Mission accomplished.

I cleared my throat, "Boring."

"What a shame."

"Yeah, I too wish for a mass riot over spilled milk to just happen so I can get out of class."

"I'm a 'someone setting off the fire alarm and accidentally actually starting a fire' type of guy, you know?"

"What about someone vaping in the bathrooms?"

"Of course!" He flashed another possible man killing smile at me. "You're a revolutionary Gilbert, up there with the great. Aristotle, Plato, Shakespeare, and even my brother have absolutely nothing on you."

"I'm awesome like that." I smirked.

"Yeah, you're awesome."

How do you breathe?

~

Gil: guys I need help

Toni: it's that boy isn't it?

Gil: how'd you know?

Francy: you're just so obvious about it

Gil: will you guys at least let me explain myself first before jumping to conclusions

Toni: go ahead

Gil: I was talking to him in art not too long ago and he kept making these smiles that had me forgetting to breath

Gil: what's wrong with me??

Toni: I diagnose you with gay

Toni: francy what do you think of this?

Francy: i agree with your diagnoses

Francy: Gil i'm afraid you're falling for the guy

Toni: not a bad choice I might say ;0

Gil: well shit

Toni: welcome to hell :)

Gil: ur not helping :(

Francy: gODDAMNIT YOU HAVE GIL DOING IT NOW