this book is about to make me sad
sorry for the lack of updating i've been emotionally unstable and incapable of doing things for the past few days. my body is so tired of me and my crying
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"it feels so good to be home" ashton grinned, placing his back as he set the suitcases down by the door. "yeah, hey uhm me and april want to take a walk and we'll be back soon." i placed my own suitcases down. "do you mind unpacking?"
"not at all." ashton grinned and i smiled. i grabbed april's hands and led her outside, closing the door behind us. "how much do you like ashton being your dad?"
"he's like, the best dad ever." she smiled widely, swaying our hands that were still connected. i bit my bottom lip, nodding. "go help him unpack i need to talk to muke."
april nodded, though i knew she could tell something about me was off. it was the worst habit she could have picked off of from me. once the door shut again i made my way downstairs, only daring to look at the girl behind the desk who was snickering a little.
i wiped under my eyes a bit as i walked. it was nearly one in the morning, don't ask why april was still up she slept on the plane and i doubt she'll be going back to bed any time soon. i walked a good four blocks before finding the place i needed to be most. a place filled with memories like no others, a place where i know too well.
i made my way up the stairs, pressing the second to last button and hearing a small buzz. i knew they wouldn't be awake so the only person i could count on was my old neighbor. we instantly became friends after i was locked out of the apartment. "hello?"
"hey zayn, i know i don't live here anymore but-"
"calum! it's nice seeing you hold on."
i waited a bit before the door opened and i was embraced into a hug. "it's been forever how are you?"
"i'm fine, i just- i need to talk to sophie and she's probably asleep right now and-"
zayn cut me off by smiling and nodding his head. i followed him into the apartment complex, saying a goodbye before making my way up the stairs.
this is it.
i stared at the door in front of me, bringing my hand up before knocking loudly on the door. when there wasn't a response i knocked again before the door swung open. "c-calum?"
"can i come in, please?" i asked shyly and she nodded. she was rubbing her eyes as she walked over to the couch and sat down. "why are you here? what happened?"
"i-uhm." i scratched the back of my neck, already starting to feel the tears well up in my eyes. "i don't think i'm in love anymore."
"with ashton?" she looked at me with wide eyes. "last time you came you were telling me how great he was."
"i know i know but i watched luke and michael have sex and just-"
"you what?!"
"i'm explaining!" i groaned. "but they really love each other, and they show it so much and ashton and i haven't done that and i don't know if i can because i don't think i love him like i did anymore."
"so you have no feelings for him?"
"none."
"how much do you even know about him?"
"i don't even know his favorite color, sophie."
"why did you get married?"
"because i loved him at the time, i just don't know what happened." i frowned, sophie nodding as a yawn escaped past her lips. "let's not think about it right now, how's april?"
"good, i feel like i've been pushing her aside for ashton though." i rubbed my arm, staring down at the floor. "i feel like an asshole, we would hang out so much together but when ashton joined the picture things went downhill."
"i think i see the problem." sophie sat up straight, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her palm. "you liked being alone better than you do being in a relationship."
"what's that supposed to mean."
"it means you're better off alone calum, without ashton. i'm not saying this because i'm one of those crazy ex wives who want their husband back i know you're gay. do you even know his birthday?"
i shook my head no.
"exactly, do you even want to know it?"
i bit my bottom lip, yes, but that didn't feel like the right answer at all. did i even care?
i shook my head no again.
sophie sighed. "go home calum, get some sleep."
