Star Wars: The Second Coming

Chapter 9: The Pull

I held her close to me. Shaken with anger. Sometimes all this pent up anger is too much. Sometimes I felt a tug. The light was calling. I thought that after I had killed my father, there wouldn't be anymore of that. I was wrong and I felt guilty. Everytime I hurt Kya, I feel guilty. I didn't even want to truly hurt her sister either. I don't want to care. I refuse to believe that I actually care about any of them.  I don't. I DON'T care. Caring is weakness. I got up from Kya's arms. I slicked my hair back. Kya gave me a concerned look but she didn't say anything.

"Were you able to get any information out of the girl?" I asked Kya. She shook her head. I didn't say anything after that. As of right now, they were the last thing on my mind. As of right now, I felt guilt starting to sneak in again. I felt sadness creeping in my mind and the anger in my stomach. I didn't like to let out my anger in from of Kya. Of course I know I get angry at her. But not like earlier. I don't want her to see me that angry. She almost always happens to be there when I am. When my mind has had enough. The conflict I feel between the light and the dark. That pull at my heart from both ends. It's destroying me. A great pain I wish to escape. My loyalties lie with the First Order and the Knights of Ren. I couldn't just let that go because I'm letting weaknesses destroy me. I need to become powerful. More powerful then my grandfather. I was going to do it. I wasn't going to let the Jedi get in my way. I WILL destroy them all.

"Kylo? Kylo??" Kya spoke, snapping me from my thoughts. "Uh- you um- you okay?" She asked holding her hands behind her back. I nodded. "Yes, of course. Would you check on the prisoners? Maybe see if you can get some information?" I asked. She nodded and walked out of my chambers. I sat on the bed and I felt the anger build up again. I was angry we weren't getting anywhere. I was angry at myself for not being powerful enough. I want to be. I will be. I picked up my helmet. "I will spread fear across the galaxy. I will rule all" I mumbled to myself.

I began to think of Kya again. She called me Ben. SHE called me Ben. My heart dropped. All back to the moment when I murdered my father. Why did she call me Ben? Maybe it was just to get my attention. That's what I'll have to tell myself for now. I felt bad for earlier. I almost hit her again. AGAIN. I never wanted to do that in the first place.

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"Kylo, she needs discipline! She needs to feel pain in order to gain strength!" General Hux yelled. I was angry at her for disobeying me she had no right. She looked up at me with a sadness in her eyes. I raised my hand and brought it to her face. I could immediately feel regret after I had done that. "Thank you, my lord" She held her face and walked away. I could feel her hurt and anger towards me. "She needed it and you know it" General Hux mumbled.

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I remember that day so clearly. She was a younger apprentice then. I couldn't feel compassion for her. Not then not now. It shows weakness. I couldn't let that pull the light to me. I needed to get away from it.

I thought about the days at the temple. Kya and her sister were very close. I was very good friends with both of them all though I've always felt something with Kya. We were all close with each other. Now me and Kya were tearing her and her love apart. Her love? Jedi aren't supposed to fall in love, yet she has. It wasn't the Jedi way. For as much as we all learned long ago. We could not love but we much feel compassion. We have both of them now. And I knew Kya was using that against her sister. She was going to break and we were finally going to get the information we needed.