Star Wars: The Second Coming

Chapter 38: Vulnerable

My heart felt like it shattered and I could see my world fall apart before me. So tired, so lost, so conflicted. "I can't" I whispered as I tried to hold myself together before her. She came before me, laying her hands gently on my face. I felt so vulnerable. I was vulnerable.

I wrapped my arms around her, holding her for dear life. I did need her and she was everything to me. She'd never be nothing. I love her and I couldn't lie to her or myself anymore. The one thing I knew I needed to do was keep this from Snoke as long as possible. If he found out....if he hurt her...

I felt the warm tears well up and I tried to hold them back as much as possible. I couldn't. The tears flowed and I held onto her tighter. I finally felt her arms wrap around me.

"Ben..." She whispered. I knew she loved me too. These feelings, so forbidden, were mutual.

"I can't say it. I can't say that you're nothing to me or that I don't love you. I would be lying." My voice broke and I hated that I was vulnerable. She has never seen my this way. I never let her see this side of me.

"I know..." I felt her arms wrap around me. Her warmth was comforting. She always found a way to calm me down. In some ways, she knew me better then I knew I myself.

I gathered myself and I scanned her face. I tried to find any possible hint for me to not leave this room. I wanted to stay with her. It had been weeks since I've seen her. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I felt so lost and alone without her by my side. I knew Snoke sensed it. He still needed me. He couldn't get rid of me yet. Neither could she. Her face was masked but I coukd see it in her eyes and I could feel her pain and confliction. She wants to be angry with me and I with her.

I looked at her one last time before leaving the room. I stood by the door for a minute. She wouldn't have come back if she hadn't found Alexia. Would she have ever come back for me? And Alexia....she's of the same lineage. The same legacy. We were related this whole time. I know our bond was different but I never really accepted it. She was always Kya's sister. I never questioned it. I should have.

I began walking down to the training room. After weeks of just going insane looking for Kya, I hadn't trained in a while. I killed and destroyed anything in my way of finding Kya. I walked in to see it was already accompanied. She had her lightsaber drawn and she was blindfolded. She deflected ever shot from the floating weapons.

"I see you're already training" I spoke and she froze and disabled the droids. I didn't trust her either, she seemed so pure.

"Uh- yeah..." She tried to hide her feelings, her thoughts. Both betraying her.

"I sense your conflict" I took off my helmet and I scanned her face. She looked down at her feet. She was still weak but I could feel her anger, her hate.

"I did what I had to do" She looked up at me. I could sense her pain but it seemed...different.

"You really loved her didn't you?" I could see her flinch with my words. She knew who I was talking about. She stayed silent but she nodded slowly. I wondered how us being related affected her. It made sense to me but did it to her?

"I know you don't trust me. I know what I did. I killed my father, your uncle. We are family, Ben. Deep down I always felt it. It was different then the bond I had with Kya. You felt it too." She spoke, the emotions so clear in her voice. I couldn't find the words to reply so I left her be.

She began to train again and I decided to walk back to my chambers. I needed rest. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find sleep tonight but I have to try. I walking into my dark room and I stripped down into something more comfortable. I layed down and tossed and turned for hours. I knew she was safe now, why couldn't I sleep? I decided to go to her. I knew she'd be cooled off by now. I needed to apologize. She should have never seen me like that and I never wanted her to. I need her and nothing in me could deny that any longer. I got dressed and I made my way to her chambers. I hesitated before walking in. She jolted awake and stared at me for a second.

"Ren, what are you doing? It's late." She rubbed her sleepy eyes and covered herself with her blanket.

"You shouldn't of had to see me like that. It was a mistake to let you see me so vulnerable" I spoke before taking of my helmet.

"A mistake? So it was a mistake to let me in? Then I guess it was a mistake to let you in, to tell you anything, right?" She tried to mask her hurt. I felt it. I got closer to her and I scanned her face. The darkness only made her more beautiful, the dim light shined on her face,

"Maybe it was. But these feelings, I know they're mutual. I can sense it. You feel it too. You can't lie to me any longer. I know you love me." I spoke a little harsh. She stared at me, not once leaving her eyes from mine. She stood up and I backed up a bit.

"You love me too" She said, almost a whisper. Of course I did. I couldn't live without her. I pushed her against the wall and I kissed her like my life depended on it. She didn't hesitate to kiss back. My heart fluttered and I wrapped my arms around her waist. Hers around my neck. Her hands tangled in my hair and our kiss deepened. Her soft lips on mine was all I needed. I craved it. Her touch made me tremble. I layed her on the bed and I looked into her eyes. My face inches from hers.

"You're mine."