#life

The Skinny on Derek #14

Hi again, Elise!!!!!

OK, breathe, hon -- breathe! Don't let this one silly boy ruffle your feathers! You've got to be like a duck, you know, with water!! I mean, how the duck rolls in the water! Or something like that!

Anyhow... close but no donut!!! I like to say that because who likes cigars? I mean, eeeew, stinky! But really, who wouldn't want a donut every time they were right? I sure would!! Donuts >>>> cigars X 1000!!!! Haha. No Y's in my name -- it's Lindzi! I used to sign it with two hearts, intertwined over the I's, until one of my (kinda cynical) BFFs mentioned it might be a little immature to do that in college. What did she know, anyway!?!! My TA thought I was super-cute (haha -- that TA is now Mr. Lindzi!!! (he hates it when I call him that -- keep it a secret, K?))

Oh yeah, so on to the point of writing, already... so I did put out the word on Derek through the gal pal network... and Elise, we hit PAYDIRT!!!! Srsly, I'm talking the motherlode of gossip here! I'm talking a love triangle to rival the ultimate one!!! Bella-Edward-Jacob, you ain't got NOTHIN' on Derek and his girls... (After all, really the meta-love-triangle is the Twilight one, don't you think? I mean, the whole Katniss-Peeta-Gale thing was a wimpy, draggy thing anyway, since all she did was mope around and kill people while they moped around and watched her! I mean, where is the love -- the romance -- the fairy tale -- in that??? Seriously, people, you need to figure this out!!!)

Ooops. Sorry, could talk all day about my favsies vampires!!! TEAM EDWARD, baby! What's not to love?

So I put the word out to some of the girlies that I went to school with, and they talked to their pals, and we finally got ahold of the girl that, I'm pretty sure, is the source of all your troubles with Derek 14!!! Seems that he signed up on a dare, by this same girl, Meghan, b/c she thought it would be all sorts of HILARIOUS for him to do it. And Meghan and Derek were kind of an item a few years ago, and he still kinda has a thing for her, but see, she thinks he's kind of annoying and, after all, been there done that!!! And she's been seeing this other guy -- Jon -- and it made Derek get all jelly... and so he's been texting her and messaging her like all the time, and trying to WIN HER BACK! She wrote that she was SO SUPER-ANNOYED that he was being such a creeper! But you can tell she's kind of thrilled at it anyhow.

Well, anyway, she and Jon were making fun of him, taking screenshots of his messages to her, and I managed to get ahold of one of these... and see, the thing is, we have a total GRENADE to lob at Derek, if you want to pull the trigger! See, Meghan and one of her besties, Tiff, were talking about this, and even though they were laughing and everything, it turns out that Tiff has a MAJOR thing for Derek, or at least did, and he blew her off big time, back in the day, and she's totes angry and wants REEEE-VENGE!!!! So she screenshotted her chat sessions with Meghan -- yeah, that Meghan that he's all IN LOVE and whatever with, and she's got an anonymous email all ready to shoot off to him if we can PROMISE to distract him with someone else (I may have hinted about the total HOTTIE that we were planning to set him up with -- Hot but CRAZYYYYY... every guy's (not so) secret dream AND NIGHTMARE!!!) so that he doesn't get all up in her GRILL about it and all that!

Oh my heck -- I'm out of breath even trying to get all that down on paper, in writing!!! It was a total soap opera to get it sorted out, and there are still a few other former girlfriends and boyfriends that I haven't mentioned in the mix, complicating things further.

But... if you give the OK, we can send off that anonymous email with UNDENIABLE PROOF that Meghan has been laughing at him and forwarding his texts to Jon and Tiff (and a bunch of other people), and he'll have to think about other options besides his hang-up on his old EX-GF.

OMGosh, it reminds me of back in the day when my aunt (she's the youngest, and only four years older than me) and I were dating brothers!!! TOTES CRAY!!!