#life

YOGATHON (you'll understand...)

If I believed in omens, I would think this trip did not bode well. On top of the weird emotional upheaval from last night's/this morning's unbelievable Igor/Simone fiasco, a crow cawed as Ryan and I clambered out the door into the frosty midmorning air, lumbering suitcases in tow. And as we waited shivering for our transport to the airport, a trashcan blew over and rolled into the street (maybe not an internationally recognized symbol of bad luck, but definitely unfortunate for one of our neighbors.) Ryan was still not talking to me as we entered the taxi and the driver empahatically slammed the trunk on our bulk of luggage. I glanced at the side of his face, uplit by the glow of his phone as we peeled away from the curb.

Texting Charlie.

So we got into this blowout last night.

Ryan wanted Charlie to housesit for our lizard for the two nights we will be gone. I had to patiently explain to Ryan why Charlie housesitting for us was NEVER HAPPENING AGAIN.

"There was that musk--remember? Cigarettes, and old Thai takeout. I had to air out the apartment for two days, and even after that everything just felt gummy and icky till we had the shampooers come. And I KNOW he slept in our bed--which is totally creepy--"

"Elise, we've been over this. He slept on the couch."

"Then why were there CRUMBS in our bed, Ryan?"

"I don't know--you were eating something in there?"

"I do not leave orange crumbs on my own sheets, Ryan. I think I would know if they were my own crumbs. These were strange."

Ryan gave THAT SIGH which meant he had shut down from the argument. "Whatever you say, Elise. Whatever you say. I'm just thinking of our lizard, that's all. I don't want to come back and find out he overheated or overate--"

"Lizards are WILD ANIMALS, Ryan. They survive on their own just fine ALL OVER THE WORLD. Remember, that's why we got him in the first place--lizards are supposed to be a low maintenance pet."

Ryan remained stubbornly silent, dumping a cricket into the cage and stroking the lizard's scaly head while he shot out his tongue and flicked it in.

My turn to sigh. HOW IT IS that Ryan can pay NO ATTENTION WHATSOEVER to the lizard for WEEKS ON END--I do 99% of the care and cleaning for that damn creature I swear--and then we leave and suddenly he's inseparable???!!! And WOMEN are supposed to be the fickle ones???

With a lot more noise and pomp than was really necessary I heaved his suitcase off the bed and out of our room and dumped it flatly in front of him.

"Well you are welcome for a FREE ROMANTIC GETAWAY VACATION, Ryan. And for NOT HAVING TO PACK A SINGLE STITCH in preparation for it. My treat."

He ignored me, continuing to caress the lizard in injured silence.

I had to go burn off some steam at starbucks.

So. Here we were in the taxi. Still ignoring each other. Nettled, I pulled out my phone as well. I couldn't help it though. Shooting him a sidelong glance I said "You know you're not going to be allowed to have your phone with you on this retreat, don't you? They're going to confiscate it at the door."

A muscle tightened in his cheek. "That's why I'm catching up, Elise," he answered evenly. "Letting everyone know I'll be off the grid for the next two days." He made it sound like some kind of herculanean inquisition/torture chamber he was about to be subjected to.

I clicked on candy crush.

The plane trip would have been really amazing if it weren't for Ryan's palpably sulking the whole time by my side. And the fact we almost missed our flight altogether because Ryan insisted on checking in his suitcase.