#life

IGOR, MONIKA, YOGADATE

STAY WITH ME LINDZI!!!! WE ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS MATCH CATASTROPHE TOGETHER!!! Listen, as one who for years has tracked the course of LITERALLY HUNDREDS of reality dating shows--WE ARE DOING SO WELL RIGHT NOW. DO YOU REALIZE THAT OUT OF the SIX DATES WE HAVE HAD SO FAR WE HAVE FIVE INTERESTED COUPLES TOTAL???? THAT IS A TOTALLY UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS RATE IN THE HISTORY OF OUR FIELD.

That being said, the new male/female ratio discrepancy....that struck me too the next morning after my HORRIBLE SURREAL NIGHT, and I made a more subdued phonecall to #life (NOT the emergency line this time) and eventually got through to "management" to raise this potential issue. Again the girl I was talking to (who sounded suspiciously similar to my GPS voice) told me I would be called back with the resolution to my issue.

This call happened an hour ago--we have been assigned a NEW FEMALE MATCH, MONIKA....apparently yet a ANOTHER female match is also in the works but she hasn't been "fully processed" into our system yet... 

Lindzi, I WISH I COULD SAY that I was reassured by MONIKA as a new entrant into our list of matches....

Unfortunately, this face is another that jolted a shock of recognition when I viewed it. Actually I have a feeling she will be familiar to a large segment of our public.

Turns out we have "Monika" from Real Housewives of Houston onboard now.

I know...kind of ick. Wasn't it like three weeks ago we all watched the huge "vow renewal" ceremony between her and Paulie (after that terrifying near death brush with prostate cancer he had?) where they were ALL OVER EACH OTHER and read those five page tearful wedding vows documenting everything they had been through and plighting troth to their "eternal and indestructable adoration" to each other with all their kids and stepkids crying in the pews???

Yeah. Well. I guess that is OVER now and Monika is currently two weeks into acrid divorce proceedings. This is one way of moving on, I guess, even though I fear whoever she hooks up with is going to be some kind of REVENGE FLING.

Which brings me to another issue...maybe sort of sensitive, but doesn't it strike you that Monika might be slightly....mature....for our site??? I mean, it is sort of hard to tell with someone who looks and sounds like they have been smoking since they were twelve...and there is that TX leathery tan thing going on...plus some obvious plastic surgery....but I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER a GRANDCHILD in one of those episodes...crawling around, knocking over and breaking a lamp and Monika went totally ballistic.

So, maybe it was a step grand, but still....We're supposed to market her to the same interest group that is going to date NOAH????!!!

Yeah....issues.

So, buckling down, this morning I knew I had my work cut out for me.  Starting with Igor. I took the plunge, DUG DEEP and made the first phone contact with Igor this morning...yes.  Lindzi, I am sending you a PRIVATE LINK THAT MUST REMAIN ULTRA CLASSIFIED/SECRETIVE because I have decided it is best to take ALL PRECAUTIONS NECESSARY when dealing with a potentially threatening NON-AMERICAN. This guy is RUSSIAN, for crying out loud, which is WAY TOO CLOSE TO THE TALIBAN not to give me the heebie jeebies.