#life

MEGA: Picking Up the Pieces

You have a new text message from: LINDZI, 6:43 PM PST

"E -- WHERE R U??? Txt me back, OK????  XOXO"

You have a new text message from: LINDZI, 6:51 PM PST

"At the Ball. Security called. Monika, Tiff, Violet, Lila in custody.  XOXO"

You have a new text message from: LINDZI, 7:38 PM PST

"With police & security. #life requested to leave the Faire.  XOXO"

You have a new text message from: LINDZI, 7:43 PM PST

"NO REALLY, WHERE R U??? Will send out security if don't hear soon.  XOXO"

You have a new text message from: LINDZI, 8:31 PM PST

"Got your update. Have it under control. Get back home & unwind.  XOXO"

...

Hi, Elise!!!

I hope by now that you've been able to recover from MEGADATE... OMGosh, that was one fine kettle of fish you threw in my direction, by taking off like that!!! (I'm TOTES not blaming you... Monika had been stirring up trouble all day, Tiffany we already know can CREATE TROUBLE OUT OF THIN AIR, and Lila has been teetering on the UNSTABLE EDGE for quite a while. But I was pretty flummoxed, coming into it.)

Noah, upon arriving at the Ball, had sussed out the state of things pretty quickly and started texting me even as Tiffany was making her DRUNKEN PROPOSAL to Ethan and the gang-o-girl-zombies was closing in on you. The child has A TOUCHING BELIEF in my ability to MANAGE CRISES (I hope I didn't let him down this time), and wanted me to get there, ASAP.

So I caught the last bit of it that you described... where they were all coming after you and, you, looking like a survivor in a zombie apocalypse movie, BOOKED IT OUT OF THERE as fast as your feet could carry you.

After that it descended into general mayhem. Violet had started hitting Tiffany, who drunkenly hit back at her, and that pulled in Jay and, it looked like, Ron and Ben who tried to pull them apart, but Yesenia waded into the fray and started laying out punches. Meanwhile Monika and Lila saw the fracas and plunged in themselves (why, I don't know, but judging from Monika's previous Reality TV experience it seems that she likes to plunge into a good FIGHT every once in a while just on the principle of the thing. I suspect that it was just TIME FOR A FIGHT which is why she glommed onto provoking you all day. So sorry, Elise!!!)

So by the time that the security and police that she'd helpfully called arrived at the scene, there was a GENERAL BRAWL happening, of which our #life people were the chief instigators and the only ones who tried to attack the police who were pulling them away from each other. (That's when I texted you about the four ladies who ended up in custody.) Yes, Monika, Lila, Tiffany, and SWEET, MILD Violet were all handcuffed (well, with those plastic zip-ties that police use for less than threatening criminals these days), and hauled out of the tent, kicking, screaming, and letting loose a stream of foul language that nearly turned the air blue in their wake. (That last being our classy Ms. Monika.)

The news crew was DELIGHTED. They'd suddenly become THE NEWS OF THE NIGHT and they started BROADCASTING LIVE. (I'm sure you'll have seen from our web stats that we went VIRAL yet again during this fracas.) I think we might even have made the Twitter top 10 trending topics. And I've seen clips from newscasts AS FAR AWAY AS BERLIN AND TOKYO featuring none other than the clawing hands and distorted faces of disheveled-zombie Lila and Monika coming after you, while in the background you can CLEARLY SEE Tiffany taking a SET OF CYMBALS from the stage and BRINGING THEM DOWN OVER BEN'S HEAD while Violet is HANGING ONTO HER LEG and ACTUALLY BITING HER ANKLE (was there something psychedelic in the shrimp we fed them to cause this outbreak of MASS PSYCHOSIS????!!!?!).