#life

For-Reals FAIRYTALE!!!!

Elise -- OMGosh, you're so right!!!!

You are SOOOOOO smart!!! I'm such an airhead, I knew I wasn't thinking about something important. I'm going to blame it on the TAY videos... they always put me in a weirdo mood!!! (DH won't talk to me when I've shut myself in my room watching those and CRYING!!!! He tells me to watch "Shake it Off" and then come back outside. It always does the TRICK!!!)

Any-whooo... It TOTES makes sense that we want to have a for-reals FAIRYTALE for our contestants... and I was just thinking in passing, with that Violet #5 / Jay #21 (I see he's written his name as J. What's up with that???) . It just seemed to have some West Side Story SAD potential... you know, the feels! And Jay #21 / Tiffany #4 is ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY GENIUS!!! (As an ending... of course... based on their profiles I wouldn't give them more than a week or two to get past the honeymoon phase of the new ROMANCE.)

So, what about this for splitsies -- we get "J." to humor Violet long enough for her to fall violently (haha -- Violet-ly?!? Get it???) in love with him, and to feel safe enough with this James Dean BAD BOY (don't we all love 'em? I went through a motorcycle-rider phase in my late teens!!!) to be sure that they're MFEO... and then send them out on a Double Date with... you guessed it!!! Tiffany #4 and... here's the PEACE DAY RESISTANCE of my plan ... Noah #2!!! (You know, the super-cute but super-shortie Hobbit-looking kid! For anyone else he'd be total RED FLAG territory, but actually, he's taller than shy little Violet #5 by AT LEAST THREE inches!!!! And did I mention, Super-Cute??? (I totes thought you were trippin' calling Derek the cutest of the BOYS until I saw the height on little Noah. Sigh. Don't you hate it how pictures can do that to you? As a little girl I was MAD FOR Tom Cruise circa Jerry McGuire -- DON'T JUDGE!!! My parents loved that movie -- and then I was utterly CRUSHED when I figured out that I was AT LEAST half a head taller than him!!! Ugh. Why is it that short guys get ALL THE CHARISMA??? (Eeek! Don't tell Hubs -- who's 6'5" -- I said that!!!)))

Ummmm -- Oh yeah -- so here's the dealio: So we send those two TERRIBLY MISMATCHED couples out on a Double Date together (This is probably a one-off for Tiffany #4, I can't see her being able to look past his TRAGIC HEIGHT ISSUES), and then engineer the situation so that the two hot-but-CRAZIES go off together, leaving Violet utterly devastated, and Noah will be HONOR-BOUND to comfort her... (Do you think we could manage bribing a building manager to arrange an "Elevator Malfunction" or something like that???) ... and he TOTES seems like a super-sweet guy (I'm SOOO not kidding about the short guy charisma thing) and I'm ULTRA-SUPER-MEGA-POSITIVE that it could turn into a For REALS good thing... and we could be the Fairy Godmothers (!!! Maybe older-sisters???) that made it happen!

Ooooh, have we worked that idea into our marketing -- "Wouldn't you like a Fairy Godmother to wave her wand and make your romance magically appear???" (Although on second thought, probs not, b/c THE BOYS still need to want to join. Don't want them rolling their eyes at us and saying "That's girl stuff". Sigh.)

OK, I have gone through the rest of the letters that you sent to me and added in my notes about what they CLEARLY actually MEANT to say... Particularly the Boys. Poor Heather the Cat Lady's needed some interpretation as well -- somehow I don't think ANY GUY is going to warm to the idea of being, "Cuddly like a Ragdoll getting a tummy rub but also as tough as an Abyssinian stalking a ball of crumpled paper". So I removed all the cat references and made her sound a little more MYSTERIOUS. Srsly, I think that's the only way to Save Her From Herself.... Keep her from talking much and cultivate a remote, aloof presence on dates. (Just brainstorming here -- could we give her a "words budget" and start BUZZING her whenever she'd gone over it????)

So there are the letters for your review... But I've TOTES got to admit UTTER FAILURE with Ted the 'Stache's love letter. From what I can tell, I think it's a Poem???? Written in COMPUTER CODE??!??! About how she'll accompany him as HIS LADY at the REN FAIR???? Can you help me with this, Elise the Smart One??? I'm so confused!!! All that I could come up with for him was, "You have a gentle sense of humor and appreciate the absurdity in life, even as I do, my love".

And OH YEAH -- back to your Evil Nemesis!!! (haha -- Derek #14 of course!) I sent a quick note to Tiff (the holder of the screenshots, in his little soap opera), and suggested that she use the anonymous email, but only to EXCERPT some of the conversations, nothing too telling... just enough to make him a little unsure of himself and where he stood. I had her CC me (and you -- if those land in your inbox you should know that's why) the emails she sends, and I'm planning to send back a Reply All saying "What?? Derek, thought you were totes on board with us to go on a date with a TOTAL HOTTIE next week??? Can we afford to keep you on if you're going to drag this kind of SCANDAL and DRAMA along with you?!?!!!"

It should scare him into submission for a bit... and there are some other things we can do, in turn, if he continues to be a PEST!!! (BT-dubs, we could totally have some of that "leak" and cause a whole SHOW SCANDAL to drive up the mentions in the Press... it works for the Bachelor and Bachelorette!!! And all the while we could be publicly wringing our hands and saying, "We want people to do this for The Right Reasons and we're so HURT and DISAPPOINTED in this..." Maybe not the TOP OUTCOME, but if we can't stop him from continuing to be a Rabble-Rouser, this might be a way to keep a lid on it!!! -- I managed a whole situ with my little sis when she was a freshman in a similar way... her creeper BF was spreading all kinds of NASTY RUMORS about her, so we managed to get a few TELLING SNIPPETS of gossip leaked through the school all about him and his... habits... and before long, he came back to her, dejected and contrite, BEGGING to be taken back into her graces. Haha -- Joke was on him!!! By that time she was dating the co-captain of the Swim Team and had forgotten about it, but his rumors had taken on a Life of Their Own!!!)

As for managing the matches -- I HEART what you've worked out so far and would hate to see any of it go to waste!!! We can totes split them up if you'd like... do you have couples that you feel INVESTED in?!? I hope, though, that maybe the two of us can work together as a TEAM, though -- even with my gal-pal network, I'd be LOST without all your AMAZING RESEARCH SKILLS!!! So sorry if I offended you by butting in with my IDEAS!!!! If you want, just tell me how you want things to proceed and I'll be your right-hand (WO)man and won't get in your way at all!!! SO, SOOOOO sorry if I made you mad!!! Don't leave me totes alone to do this; I'd be a wreck!!!

Oh, fudge, I sound like a complete BASKET CASE, don't I? I guess it's being in the house alone without DH around. Not that he's around so much when he's actually HERE, mind you -- he's either off at work or out in his Man Cave (that's what we call the Garage where he keeps all his power tools!) and he mostly just yells at me when I come into the room... but it's somehow COMFORTING, you know, to hear him banging around out there and yelling at the game on TV (poor guy follows a lot of Loser sports teams). Here at home alone... everything is clean and PERFECT and no dirty socks lying on the floor, but it seems so... I don't know, sterile???

K, that definitely looks NEEDY! I just made an appointment with myself to go to a Pilates class and then another Pool Running session! If I keep up like this I'll be face-deep in box of cupcakes!!!! :)))))

So looking forward to hearing about what the next steps are, and how do you want to manage our MATCHES?????

XOXOXOXOX,

Lindzi