Savannah's Diary

Confessions

Saturday, 2:00pm

Dear Diary,

This is it!  I'm going to the Valentine's Day Dance with Austin as my date (?). 

I mean, I'm really excited but, he's been acting weird since me and Ava met River. I thought everything would be fine since he was back to normal on Thursday night.

But yesterday, he was utterly quiet, which is so not him. I tried talking to him about it but,

* * * * *

"Psst! You okay? You've been acting strange since first period." I ask him and he doesn't acknowledge me.

Instead, he looks across our lunch table so I followed his gaze and it landed on River.

"Austin, is everything okay? Is it about River-

He quickly looks at me. 

"Are you okay with your cousin? Wanna talk about-

"No, I don't want to talk about any subject right now, especially River Davis!" he snaps and so I immediately shut up causing Ava to stop eating and look at us.

He sighs. "I'm sorry, Savi. I'm just not in the mood right now, guys." he says to both of us, stands up, and leaves us even before he started eating his lunch.

* * * * *

Ever since we became aware of the world around us, the three of us started to get to know each other even more.

That's how we learned that Austin doesn't like to talk about his parents or anyone who's blood-related to him which is why Ava and me always avoided that topic in any way that we can.

The problem was, he is usually so calm and collected. But yesterday, he just snapped at me. 

I just hope that he'll be alright tonight.

"Alright, Savannah Andersen! Time to remove the curls and sit down at my make-up throne." Ava squeals in delight.

And suddenly, Mom enters the room, a camera on her hand.

"This will look great on my blog!" she squeals.

Ugh.

- - - - -

" I told you, Ava, that I don't need makeup. WE don't need makeup. I mean, what are we? Dude, we're only 16 and-

"Calm down, sister. It was a light makeup and your mom approved of it so what?" she explains and I just sigh.

"Where are they?!" 

"Chill, Ava. The dance just started." I say as we make our way to the gym of our school.

And there he is.

So handsome.

"Hi" as I make my way towards the center where everyone else are dancing.

He offered to take my hand so I gladly let him and we started to dance.

"It's a really wonderful night. Don't you think?" Austin says as he looks at the ceiling above us.

I slap his shoulder. "Stop referencing books, dude. It's corny." and we both laugh.

I look at him.

He looks at me.

"What happened these past few weeks? It's like we just met each other all over again." he says and I pray that he wouldn't notice a blush creeping out of my face.

"I don't really know. We both were acting really weird." He sighs.

"About yesterday and the day before that, I'm sorry." he looks at me with a pout.

"Do you want to get fresh air?" he nods and so we went outside.

"What about yesterday? And the day before that?" I simply ask pretending to not feel curious about his answer.

"It's just that, you know I'm not comfortable when it comes to my family and River, he just suddenly came into the picture." I nod motioning him to continue.

"It just felt scary and weird. I-I don't know. I mean, it's great that me and River met again but all this moving and him suddenly transferring to our school and even taking Ava as his date for the dance even though they barely know each other." he rambles.

"Why does it feel scary and weird, Austin?"

"Maybe because uhm. I don't want to talk about it." I nod and just pat him on the back.

Like it was meant to happen, it started snowing, changing the awkward subject.

Like a cheesy scene in a romance film or one of those books I used to read whenever there's a storm and we had to stay indoors.

Only, we barely see snow in our state.

"Wow. Snow in Florida, in February. That's a first." Austin implies. 

I know it would be cheesy, but I reach out and wait for a snowflake to land on my palm.

"Winter would probably be my favorite season of all. It's just so beautiful." 

"It is. Very." I turned to look at him and surprisingly, he was looking at me and smiling.

It was too soon.

But I had to.

My heart was screaming yes even though I felt every fiber of my being say no because of uncertainty and riskiness.

I slowly stepped closer to where he was and I face him.

"Austin, do you love me?" 

I saw it. The hint of shock and confusion in his face slowly covered by an innocent smile of his.

The smile that could never take my eyes off of him.

The smile that could instantly make my heart beat a thousand times its original pace.

That could melt any confusion, anger, or second thoughts I swore I was having.

"Of course I do. I love you and Ava and I'd do anything for both of you." he says and the moment ended in an instant.

I give him a smug look and he started laughing.

"No, seriously, Austin." I pout.

He stops laughing. "Okay. Seriously."

We were silent for a minute.

A whole minute which felt like all those years that I've been ignoring the fact that I've always liked him.

Heck, I probably like him because he used to tease me all the time back in 1st grade. 

"On a more serious note, Savi, I think I really do. Not as siblings or best friends or whatever." he suddenly says.

"I-I love" he stutters.

The look on his face screams doubt.

But I didn't payed any attention to what he looked like.

I didn't care enough.

I was acting vulnerable and immature.

I was acting very fast like he was my whole world and it was ending tomorrow.

I was just too set on hearing him say it even if there was a 50% chance that this was one sided.

So eager.

Too eager.

And I was right.

My whole world did end the day after.