Savannah's Diary

I'm Sorry

March 7, Friday 6:30 am

Dear Diary,

It's a school day. Again.

I know very much that I hate school days, especially now that Austin's no longer hanging out with us. I mean, it has been three weeks since that dance and it's been really hard on Ava and me, mostly me.

The fact that he has been my best friend for years still exists and it's kinda harder to ignore since he's in almost all of my classes and I'm still not used to him sitting on the other side of the room ignoring me.

Don't get me wrong. I've tried talking to him several times over this week and...

* * * * *

"Hey."

He notices me. "Hi."

"Biology was hard today. Can you help me? You know how I sometimes mix up the Animalia kingdom."

"I'm sorry Savannah. I can't." and with that he tries to walk away.

But I quickly grab his hand and make him face me again.

"What is happening, Austin? Please." he removes my hand and smiles at me.

And with that, he walks away and I didn't stop him this time.

I was dumbfounded.

- - - - -

"Ms. Andersen and Mr. Davis, you're partners. Quickly now, all of you sit beside your partners and discuss the weekend assignment."

I quickly follow and found myself sitting beside the one person I wanted to talk to again in weeks.

"This is really exciting. You can go to my place and we can sort out who's going to do this and-"

"You do the first part and just email it to me. I'll do the second part and pass it on Monday." and he immediately shuts up after.

I look at him. "Austin, why are you being to stubborn?"

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Savannah." and the bell rings which signaled him to grab his things and head straight out of the classroom, not even turning back.

- - - - -

It felt like forever waiting for him in the hallway. 

I know his schedule but it's obvious that he's trying to avoid going to some places he knew that used to be our hangout spots.

Luckily, I spot him heading to my direction without noticing me.

I face him.

He sighs. "What?"

"I need an explanation. We both do." I say looking at Ava beside me.

"I'm sorry." he shakes his head.

I look down.

"That's it? For the record, Austin, we deserve an explanation over what the heck happened during the dance. From what I see, you're being the bad guy right now. So please, enlighten us." Ava said without breathing for even a second.

I counted. A minute.

A minute before he opened his mouth again to say something.

"Just.."

I held my breath.

"Just see me as the bad guy. I don't want to make things worse. I'm sorry-"

"Why do you keep saying sorry when you can't even explain your story? Austin, you're our friend. It's our job to understand you and help you. Why wouldn't you let us?" I burst, unable to contain myself.

"I know you went too far with what you did. I'm trying to understand that. But, we also know that there's more to that story. So, please, Austin." 

"I-" he shakes his head again.

"I need to go. I'm sorry." and we that, he left us there looking completely desperate and stupid.

"Let's just stop this, Savi. We're not getting anything from that night let alone his problem right now." Ava says and walks away.

* * * * *

He continued to ignore me this week. If we had the chance to talk, one sentence out of him would be the longest. 

I should be angry at him. I shouldn't even be trying to talk to him anymore.

What he did was shocking and terrible.

But every time I look at him, I know there's more to what he is showing and what he showed that night of the dance.

He's not my lifelong crush and best friend if I don't pay attention to him this much.

He's hiding something. 

And I'm not giving up on him.

Even if it means that I would throw away my pride.