Please don't go.
I wiped my tears as I looked at the sky. I am alone. And confused. And empty. I don't know if I made the right decision. Because if I did, then why do I feel this way? All my life, I was very proud of myself for making my plans and decisions right. But not until now. It seemed like I did the most stupid decision. I saw him cry. I saw his pain. His eyes were sad. But he let me go with a smile that didn't even reach his eyes. He wanted me to decide for us. So he gave me my freedom. I should have done something when he turned his back on me. I should have fought for him. I should have been brave enough to say yes. But none of it happened.
"Ate." I heard Ella called my name but I did not look back. I just continued wiping my tears. It was a silent cry that only me could hear and understand. She sat next to me at the pavillion where I am right now.
"I did the right decision. Didn't I?" I asked her blankly. I looked at her and tried to wait for her answer but I looked away because of the kind of stare she's giving me. She's not happy with my decision too. "It's been two hours and thirty five minutes since he left and I'm missing him already. I should have said yes. I should have said yes." Doon na ako napahagulgol. I can't contain my emotions anymore. It's too much.
"Ate. Magiging okay din ang lahat. Diba nga ang sabi naman ni kuya T. Babalik siya? He will keep his promise. He'll comeback for you. Tama na." She said as she tried to calm me down. Ilang oras pa siguro ang dumaan bago niya ako tuluyang napatahan.
We went back at my hotel where I am staying only to be frozen at my feet. Standing in front of me are his family. Disappointment and sadness were all written on their faces. Sa hiya ko ay napayuko na lamang ako. "Take me to my room please?" Nanghihina kong pakiusap sa kapatid ko. Tumango naman siya at hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa balikat ko. Akmang maglalakad na sana kami ng magsalita ang ina ni Terrenz.
"We understand your decision hija. Huwag mo sanang isipin na galit kami sa iyo. You just made the right thing. Terrenz needs to grow. And I know you only want the best for him. Sana sa pagbalik niya, kayo pa rin." Naikuyom ko ang kamao ko sa sinabi niya. They really think, I turned down the proposal because he still needs to grow. If only they knew how successful he is in his chosen career. Hindi nila alam ang totoo. At kahit gusto ko mang sabihin sa kanila kung bakit ay mas pinili ko na lamang manahimik. Tumango na lamang ako at naglakad na.
"Anak.." Agad kong niyakap si mama nang makita ko siya ng makarating na kami sa loob. This is all I need right now. A hug from my family. "Hush honey. Eveything will be alright." Pagpapatahan niya sa akin. Malungkot na nakatingin sa akin ang ama ko ng tignan ko siya malapit lang sa likod ni mama.
Nakatulugan ko ang pag iyak buong magdamag. Nagising ako ng maarinig si papa. Tumayo ako at sinundan ang boses.
"I trust you on this. Just make sure to keep that promise because if not, then you will never see my daughter again." Ibinaba niya ang telepono bago napasuklay ng buhok.
"Pa. Sinong kausap mo?" Gulat na napatingin sa akin si papa pero agad din iyon napalitan ng pagkakalma.
"He's no one. Are you okay now?" Nilapitan niya ako sabay titig ng malalim sa akin na para bang sinusuri kung magsasabi ako ng totoo. Hindi ko siya sinagot dahil alam naman naming pareho ang sagot sa tanong niya. I am not okay and maybe I will no longer be okay. Bumuntunghininga siya bago muling nagsalita. "Your mom and I." Simula niya. Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya ng magsalita siya. "Our story was not easy too. I proposed to her only to get a no answer just like what you did with Terrenz." Napamaang ang bibig ko sa narinig. He smiled at me as he continued his story. "Our only difference is that, she fought for me when I decided to leave and let go of her. She cried right before my eyes without even caring about the people who are at the airport. It's funny though but it's kind of overwhelming. Your mom learned that you should not let go the one you love. Nor doubt saying yes to a proposal. She once told me that having someone is not just about loving and caring. It's about assurance and trust as well. Honey, you've been making your decisions all by yourself all these time. And we are proud of you because of that. But I think this is the right time for you to stop thinking and deciding too much and just let yourself be happy. Be reckless and free. You only live once. So make the best out of it. It's okay to commit mistakes. Because sometimes, kung ano pa ang tingin natin ay mali, iyon pa pala ang tama para sa atin. Yun pala ang tanging makakapagpasaya sa atin. So let go. Don't hold back. Just feel. I know hindi pa namin siya ganoong kilala. But I trust that boy. I know he loves you because I saw myself in him. Danielle, you've been working your ass off for years. I think this is the right time to settle down. 'Cause you deserve that." Niyakap ako ni pa at naiyak lang ako habang yakap niya ako sa bisig niya.
Halos wala na akong tulog kakaisip kung paano ko makakausap si Terrenz. Should I call him? Should I go straight to him? Hindi ko alam. Pero sinubukan ko ang lahat. Hanggang sa wala na akong ibang option kundi ang puntahan siya mismo. I know where he is staying right now. Nalaman ko kay Sabrina. Sinabi din ni Sab na ngayon na ang alis ni Terrenz.
Malalim akong napabuntunghininga bago nagpasyang katukin ang hotel room niya. Thank God at hindi ako nahirapan kanina sa baba. Pero iyon ang ipinagtataka ko. Bakit agad akong pinayagan ng receptionist na umakyat dito? Kunot noo akong nag isip hanggang sa hindi ko namamalayang nakabukas na pala ang pintuan.
"Danielle?" Nabalik ako sa huwisyo ng may tumawag sa akin. Napamaang ang bibig ko ng makita siya. I held my breath as I stare at him. He looks fresh na para bang wala siyang problema. "Anong kailangan mo?" Blangko ang ekspresyon niya ng tanungin niya iyon sa akin. My lips formed into a thin line. Do this Danielle or you will regret everything. The choice is yours. Paalala ko sa sarili ko..
"Can we talk? Please kahit sampung minuto lang and I'll let you decide after that." Nag iwas ako ng paningin sa kanya sabay kagat ng labi. Nahihiya ako sa kanya pero kailangan kong kapalan ang mukha ko. Bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya ng tignan niya ang oras sa relo niya.
"Okay. Ten minutes it is. Talk." Maawtoridad niyang sabi bago humalukipkip sa harapan ko.
"Pwede bang huwag ka ng umalis?"Pinilit kong huwag maluha sa sinabi ko. Tumaas ang kilay niya na para bang isang malaking kalokohan ang sinabi ko. "I. I regret saying no to you. And I am really sorry for that. Please stay. Please." Hindi ko na napigilan ang luha ko kaya nagtakip ako ng mukha sa sobrang hiya.
"Danielle."He called by my name. I saw pain and sadness crossed in his eyes before he spoke. "Give me reasons why I should stay. Why?" May duda at katanungan sa mga mata niya.
"Because I want you to stay. And marry you. And be your wife. And be the mother of your kids. I want you to stay because I realized how stupid I was for turning down your proposal. Please don't go. Please." Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit pagkatapos. Nanghihina na ang mga tuhod ko at alam ko ding malapit na akong mawalan ng malay. So in one swift move I kiss him with all my heart. And before I totally passed out, I saw him playfully smile at me. Yung tipong may ginawa siyang kalokohan at napagtagumpayan niya yung ginawa niya?
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