grindr ❯ joshler

"you want to know about it don't you?"

tyler and josh were currently laying in bed with zipper laying in josh's lap and tyler icing his bruises. ever since tyler wrote that message to josh about his mental illnesses, he's been ever so curious about when it started and all that good stuff. he's also been extremely scared about asking him about it. especially knowing how fragile tyler is.

"hey babe?"

"what's up, j?"

he breathed a sigh before he dropped the bomb, "r-remember when you told me about y-your depression and stuff?" tyler's eyes popped out of his head, nodding, "yeah, w-why?" josh shook his head in response, not wanting to go too, too far. "never-" he was cut off, "you want to know about it, don't you?" the elder nodded, "i-i mean you don't have to, it's just been something i've been curious about." he stated, the last bit coming out more like a question.

"it's alright, joshy. one of the number one things in a relationship is truth, then there's trust. and i trust you with every fiber in my being. so once i share this information with you, i trust you with it forever. i expect you to ask questions, of course. and don't be afraid to ask them, okay? i love you, and that's why i'm telling you. just promise me you won't leave me.."

"i promise, i promise, i promise. i love you too, thank you for sharing such detail with me. it means a lot, y'know."

the two shared a kiss on the lips before tyler started...

(A/N some things will be triggering. read at your own risk. stay safe for me, alright?)

"like i told you in the text message, it started around 5-6 years ago. i was fourteen years old, about a month into freshman year. i wasn't the cool kid, i had a pudgy stomach, thick thighed, large calves. as you can tell, i wasn't the definition of 'perfect'. i was never liked in high school. i only had about 3-4 close friends throughout the year. i was always pushed, shoved into people, getting punched and kicked and bruised and cut. i was made fun of for my weight, how i was short and stubby, how i was gay. it never really was ideal to me. this one kid in particular, Joseph, but everyone called him Texas. no one knew why, maybe the kid was from there, maybe he just liked the name, who knows. now, Texas, he was one of the worst kids you could ever come across. he was built, was on the wrestling team, always carried a bottle filled with some weird protein drink inside it. he was pretty hot, to be completely honest. it was one day when i told my best friend at the time, Grace, that Texas was really hot. yeah, she knew i was gay, and she knew how rough i got it. she turned her back on me one day in junior year. at lunch, she left me standing by myself and went up to the man himself to tell him, and i quote, "that faggot over there has a crush on you!" she said, pointing directly at me. everyone was laughing, pointing at me some more, calling me every name in the book. it was complete and utter hell. it wasn't until Texas came up to me himself. he pushed me down to the floor and spat in my face. "look at this poor fag. fat and helpless! bet you 15 bucks that he can't get up on his own!" more laughter erupted from the crowd. and just like he predicted, i struggled to get up. but once i did, i booked out of the cafeteria. i ran, i ran as fast as my chubby legs could take me. they led me to the bathroom. it was the one outside that no one ever used, so i was safe, for now. i remember so clearly locking the main door. i remember looking at my reflection in the mirror. my fat, red face, chubby cheeks, girly, curvy figure. i was disgusting. i took a final look at myself before screaming the words "you're fat! you're gay! you're worthless! you're ugly! you're disgusting! fucking pig!" and as soon as those words left my mouth, i punched every mirror in that bathroom. i didn't want to look at myself. i was horrified. after that was done, i ran into a stall and stuck my fingers down my throat. emptying all of the contents in my stomach. from that day on, i starved myself and i never came out of my room. i always skipped school, never showed up. as a result, my grades dropped, so did my gpa, so did my heart. and my "friends" never spoke to me ever again. my mother obviously took note of my sudden behavior and invited a therapist over to my home. i remember that day so clearly, too. i remember seeing light for the first time in days. i remember seeing my mother's horrified face when she saw her son with bags under his eyes, arms bloodied, books, papers, everything thrown around. i wouldn't speak. not one word to her nor the therapist. i refused. it was then when i was diagnosed as depressed along with all my anxieties. another day passed by, i remember how proud i felt when i saw that i was 40 pounds down from the last time i weighed myself, which was two weeks prior. i noticed how skinny i was getting, and i was so happy about that. i thought that i could be "likable" again. no, i didn't go back to school. i was petrified. i still sat in my room twenty-four seven. but it was one day that i realized that i am a high school drop out with no job and no money. i gathered my things, took my first shower in weeks, made myself semi-presentable, and hunted for a job. it was at some odd music store. it was where i met Brendon, actually. we instantly clicked. he was openly gay, ecstatic about everything, and was just happy all the time. he helped me with my eating disorder, he made me eat healthier, he made me go to the gym with him until i passed out from exhaustion. he was the one i needed most. of course, he's a dick and all, but i still love him so much. for six years, i've put up with that ass. and i 'member when he showed up at my house telling me about that stupid grindr app. i was so against it, argued with the kid for 15 minutes before deciding to actually fill my info out. and y'know what? i'm really glad i did because if i didn't, i wouldn't be here with the love of my fucking life telling him this story. i've been through absolute hell, josh. and 'cause of you and Brendon, i would never be the same again. so thank you for that. oh, and also, there's still a tad more to this story, and there is more to it, but those were the important parts.."

tyler finished, giggling at his final sentence with tears streaming down his face. josh on the other hand, was speechless. feeling millions of emotions all at once.

"i-i" josh started, unable to form a sentence. "it's alright, josh. no need for words right now. all i need is your constant love, kisses, and hugs. that's all i ask." josh nodded, bringing the boy closer to him, giving him those kisses he asked for. rocking him back and forth and whispering "i love you"s and "i'm so proud of you"s over and over. tyler couldn't ask for anything more. he was content with life, he was finally happy. god he was so fucking happy.

here i go with writing at two am again. nice nice nice. anyways, here is tyler's story. i hope it's okay.