grindr ❯ joshler

"i can't do it i can't i can't. it hurts"

*tw// panic attacks* this is p sad chapter im sorry it sucks :// ps thank u for 900 reads xx ♡

tyler groaned in annoyance. he was trying his hardest to focus on studying for his finals this week, but nothing is helping. he was on the verge of tears. his head was killing him and he was shaking and he couldn't think straight. everything was blurry, he felt like he was about to pass out.

he gathered up a strong breath in his lungs, "j-josh" he yelled in all hopes of his boyfriend coming to the rescue. he sucked in another large breath. "josh, please." he didn't want to yell too loud or else his head would explode, at least that's what it felt like. the tears finally released from his eyes as he letting out a shaky sob. "i can't do it, i can't, i can't. it hurts" he whispered to himself.

where was josh? he didn't know where he was and that only added onto the throbbing feeling in his head. the shaky sobs slowly turned into harsher cries for help. the boy held his head in pain, rocking back and forth. he threw his books and papers and pens and pencils aside, not caring where they went. he wanted them out of his sight for once and for all.

he sucked in yet another big breath and decided to try and call for josh one last time. "josh, p-please." he choked out, "h-help me." he sobbed even louder in fear and in pain. the young boy sat in the corner of his room crying out for help, but had no one to go to. he was scared, oh was he scared.

the stress of finals and exams was just all too much for him. he'd sit in his room doing online courses, watching his online teacher teach him stupid bullshit he wouldn't need in the future, ever. that makes tyler mad, oh so mad. he wanted to scream, he wanted to punch things, he wanted to rip all of his notes apart and not give a single shit. he wants to drop out. but he won't, his parents paid too much money to get him online college courses he had wanted. they'd kill him. not like he'd mind, though.

his overthinking was cut short as josh burst through their bedroom door. "tyler!" he screamed in horror. the sight he saw of his boyfriend having a panic attack just frightened him to the very best.

josh ran over to the shaking boy. "i can't, i can't, i can't." he'd quickly whisper those words over and over again. josh was shaken himself, he was scared, scared for tyler. he honestly didn't know what to do. josh brought tyler in his lap and slowly rocked him. "shh, shh, baby its okay. breathe, calm down, angel. it's gonna be okay." josh would say, kissing tyler's temple every once in a while. "i can't, i can't, i can't" he repeated. josh frowned and continued to whisper sweet nothings to the poor boy.

josh picked tyler up, holding him like a baby, his baby. his baby was scared, and he was going to do anything he could to make his baby feel better and feel safe. he brought them both to the bed. directly laying down, tyler still sat wrapped around josh. he clung onto him as if he was his lifeline. tyler's arms were locked around the older boy's neck, as were his feet around his waist. josh let him lay there, he rubbed his back and whispered those sweet words softly into his ear as tyler eventually calmed down. "it'll be alright, princess. it'll be just fine. you'll be just fine."

tyler slowly fell asleep, his panic attack lasted for an hour, at most. he fell asleep on josh, which was expected. though josh didn't mind. he didn't care at all. he did all he could to make sure tyler felt better. he's his number one, the one that comes first always and forever. he loved tyler. josh couldn't bear watching the poor boy suffer like he did. he apologized so many times knowing that tyler was far past asleep and wasn't able to hear him. he didn't care about that either, he just needed to get that off of his chest. he spilled his feelings to the sleeping boy. he let him know how much he was sorry for not being there for him, he let him know that he loved him, he let him know that he was always going to be there for him, and that if he ever needed help, he'd be more than glad to help him.

josh continued to rub tyler's back while listening to the deep, slow breathes the younger was emitting. he kissed his head every while, just trying to keep the tired boy asleep and content and hopefully at peace.

josh eventually stopped rubbing tyler's back and his eyes came to a close. he was tired, so so tired and he was more than thankful over the fact that sleep finally approached him and took over his body.

i dont like this chapter at all im so sorry