grindr ❯ joshler

flashback to last night

the next morning // josh's pov

this guilt i've had for yelling at him has been eating me alive. when tyler dropped the call last night, i knew that once i snapped, he felt scared. he didn't feel safe, i knew he didn't. he's the most fragile person you could ever come across. and i fucked up. i fucked up and yet i still yelled at him knowing how his anxiety gets, knowing what he was and could be capable of doing. i knew he was afraid, yet i still yelled at him.

flashback to last night

"i don't give a fuck about that tyler!" i yelled into the speaker. i knew that the second my voice increasingly got higher, i did something wrong. but i continued to yell, i couldn't stop. "i want you to be happy! that was and always will be my number one priority. i know i won't be happy if i know that you aren't! don't you get that?"

i heard him sniffle into the phone, "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry." anger started to build up in me, "don't apologize, alright?" 

"no,  josh! i am going to apologize! i'm the one holding you back from doing what you love! you don't deserve that!" hearing those words set a fume off in me. i snapped the hardest i ever have.

"tyler, please for the love of god! don't ever say that. you aren't holding me back. i'm doing this for you! you tyler! i'm doing this so i can take you on dates, dinners, even for ice cream! i want to fucking treat you like the goddamn princess you are! so shut up with this 'holding you back' and 'don't deserve that' bullshit!"  there it was. the bomb set off and killed tyler. gone. there was no going back.

"i just love you, okay?"  i said, voice quieter. it was quiet, neither of us were speaking. i tried apologizing to him, but he cut me off. he told me loved me, but this time he only said "love you." think about it, there's a difference between 'love you' and 'i love you.' and honestly, that really fucking stung. 

then the line went flat.

"shit!" i groaned to myself. great! good job, asshat! you just potentially ruined your fucking relationship because you don't know how to control yourself!

i called him, i called him 12 times and there was no answer. i left him 5 voice mails, none of them were opened. i texted him 5 times. and i still got no response. the overprotective boyfriend mode surged all over my body as tons of thoughts fled through my mind.

he could be in trouble. he could be in serious fucking danger, i need to go help him. i wouldn't be able to live without him. 

i searched for my computer and booked the next flight from los angeles to columbus. it was for tonight and it leaves in an hour. i booked that flight, not caring whether i had the money to purchase the ticket or not. then i ordered a taxi and that should be here in five.

i ran to McKinley and his band mates, "look guys, i'm really fucking sorry, there's an emergency back at home and i need to go. i already booked a flight and it leaves in an hour. thank you for this opportunity, really appreciate it." the band, especially McKinley looked shocked at my sudden outburst but nonetheless he opened his mouth to speak, "oh, yeah, yeah that's fine man. hope everything is alright." i thanked him then ran outside of the bus running to the spot where i told the taxi i'd be, aka the closest gas station.

the taxi arrived, i got in, and brought me to the airport. now i ran out of that car so damn quick. i tried to get through security as fast i could. i waited, then got up to board the plane when they called. i found my seat and texted tyler one last time before we took off.

to: mocha ☕️❤️: i'll be there in a few hours.

△

i ran to our apartment door, knocking, even though i lived there. i watched as the door slowly opened. as soon as i saw his face, i slammed my lips to his. i've missed these lips i thought to myself. this was my way of saying sorry. this was my way of asking for forgiveness. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry princess."

end of flashback

the rest of the night felt like a daze. i was still on autopilot mode. i didn't know how to feel, honestly. all i cared about was tyler being back in my arms again. and all i cared about was his love and all i cared about was the fact that he forgave me.

all i ask is that he'll always be mine. though, i plan on keeping it that way. he'll be officially mine, one day.

here was the last chapter in josh's pov,, i didn't really care for these past few chapters, but eh, we need some excitement right. oh,, and im apologizing in advance for not being able to update as often as i normally do. on top of this story, i'm doing the 30 day smut challenge on a03, if you wanna check it,, its the same username as i have on wattpad. so now im juggling two books at once, hahahah yay.. alright i'm out