Hardest of Hearts (Lauren/you) ON HIATUS

Decline

Hi  guys this is more of a filler chapter, i guess.

I can't even think when she says those words. This is too early. There is no fucking way that she could feel like this for me.

"No you don't..." I let my words linger in the air until she abruptly gets up from the bed. I make way to gather my close and half dress.
"What do you mean 'I don't' y/n?"
"Trust me you don't."
I try to avoid as much eye contact as I can with her. Despite this., I can feel the glare burning a hole on the side of my head. "This is just fun. Ok." I or up my defensive front. No fucking way. I'm not gonna let this happen to me again. I hear small sniffles come from her as she approaches me slowly. I avert my gaze to the floor. "Y/n...look at me please..." I look at her and what I saw  was a definite mix of anger and sadness. The emptiness I once felt comes back to me.   "Lauren I have to go" there is a tone of  venom in my voice as I say this, before her hand that is reaching for me is able to come in contact with my skin. 
"Why the fuck are you doing this to me. Like I'm sorry that that's not what you think I feel but you don't know what I feel, so don't be a dick about it.." The evident hurt in her voice struck a chord in me leaving me irritated. 
"Lauren...trust me you think you're in love with me but I'm not the one for you ok. Just let me leave and we can forget about this."
I then turned to look at her properly in which I approached her slowly, keeping my serious demeanour. Her eyes definitely showed some evident confusion and hurt in them, a tear had appeared on her face probably because of the way I was reacting to her sudden confession. I reached forward to comfort her but fought against it as she probably did not want me to even lay a finger on her, especially with the way I made her feel after a night that was meant to end well for both of us.

 "I gotta go, Lauren," I let out a sigh to hide my irritation at the change in mood and slammed the door behind me and slipping on my t-shirt and made my way to my hotel room for a good night with my friends Mary Jane and jack Daniel.

That morning I wake up to Jonah t bagging me. His energy this morning is not a surprise but the initial annoyance hits me as he thinks it's funny to dump his balls on my face as a joke. The light that enters the room overwhelms my vision and the prominent dryness in my throat gives me the desire to find some water to relieve it. I blindly get up squinting my eyes to find the empty bottle of jack on my bedside and a full glass of water waiting for me. Ethan sits at the end of the bed looking at me pitifully. "What?"
"Why did I find you off your head last night?" His tone was serious and had an obvious annoyance at finding me the way I was last night. Fuck, I don't even remember last night after I got into my hotel room.
"It's nothing man just one of my moods y'know, needed a way to chill out," my voice wavered but instead of questioning further he got up from the bed and made way for the door.
" be down in the lobby in 10 we gotta get ready for the show tonight,"
"Sure" Jonah soon followed giving me a   thumbs up gesturing to the half smoked joint I left on the coffee table and picked it up, swiftly leaving with a sly grin.
First things first I had to take a shower and move on I guess. I don't think anything else is gonna happen between me and Lauren after last night so I best be prepared for a tense tour.

When I walked down to the lobby after a fresh shower and shave with neatly pressed clothes, my brother stood waiting for me in his usual denim jacket and black jeans with a book firmly held in his hand. Jonah and Sydney were caught in a conversation with the security gurads who were preapred to escort us to the van we used for getting around, especially since the usual frenzy from fans was awaiting us outside the hotel. I decided to wear my usual quirky attire of shorts and a smart t-shirt which funnily enough made the fans go crazy when I walked behind the rest of my band as we were being led into the van.

 I gave the fans high fives and quick selfies before my guard hurried me to keep moving. 

The whole drive there was tense as Ethan gave me knowing glares and glanced between me and the book he held in his hand. What was with him today? I honestly can't be fucked for his brotherly shit, to be honest. The only thing i found entertaining was the small smudge mark on the window which was probably the remnants of a fly that ran out of luck. The sky today was way too bright and encouraged me to keep my RayBans on, just so the headache that I felt wouldn't end up ruining my performance. 

Man, why did Lauren have to fall in love with me? I'm no good for her and she knows that. I've never shown that I gave a shit except for when I'd share my poems with her before anyone else. Girls can really fuck you up sometimes. 

Sound check went by like a blur, to be honest, and most of my afternoon were spent with Jonah who sat against a wall at the concert venue passing me a spliff and talking about how his mum was doing despite his father's suicide. Sometimes I wonder how that kid can have it in him to keep on touring with us when he could be with his mum, but I guess we all have a reason for the things we do I guess, so I didn't ask and participated with his light banter and fucked up conspiracy theories that always came to mind when he was high.  

We wondered around a bit until we found a cute little patio where some of  the sound crew were having lunch. One of the guys wasn't eating and instead had a guitar instead strumming a few chords. Jonah and I sat by him watching and smoking until he asked me if I wanted to play. I suppose my interest in watching him play was  a cue for 'Oh he wants to play'. 

I took the guitar from him and leaving the cigarette in my mouth to pick a few notes I learnt from a tour in Spain once where and old guy on the street who mind you, spoke not a word of English, had taught me  a  smooth song  which I imagined he would've used to serenade the girls back in his day. We spoke through music as cliché as that may sound.

I looked up to find the 5h girls had found me and Jonah and were enjoying the view from a nearby table which was probably vacated as soon as they arrived. It was until I looked at Lauren that I had completely fucked up and tried playing this off through a strum pattern until sheepishly handing it off to a girl sitting nearby me. I tossed my spent cig butt onto the ground telling Jonah , who was now sitting by Camila that I had to find Ethan. He only nodded for a brief moment away from his conversation with the girl next to him.I could feel Lauren's glare at the back of my head as I walked away but I refused to look back knowing that the sharp pain in my gut would intensify. I can't accept this...