Hardest of Hearts (Lauren/you) ON HIATUS

The night

Next update here!(not proofread sorry guys :,)
"Thank you tonight! You guys were incredible, probably one of the best crowds yet! Now get ready for Fifth Harmonyy!!!" I screamed out while the crowd went into a frenzy at the mention of much anticipated next act. As I walked off the stage the girls were walking by me. I gave them each a small good luck high five, even Lauren who did it with little effort at all. Her enthusiasm was there but I knew that her friendliness that she showed me was a facade for the fact that she was probably hurt from what had happened a week ago. I stuck to my end and enjoyed myself on the amusement of my bandmates and Camila who had revealed to me her little secret. 
As I towelled myself down after the much needed shower available  at the venue, Ethan was at the counter where in had left my stuff and clothes. He stood there apparently waiting for me while I showered. When I saw him I greeted him, " Hey man, what you doing there?" I was curious because everytime he looks for time alone between us it meant that he was about to chew me out for something again. I had already guessed that he was going to involve Lauren somewhere in the conversation .
"Oh you know just wanting to chat," he looked at me seriously before saying, "I'm telling you to back off from Lauren," his statement gave me a shock for a second because that's the last thing I'd think would come out of his mouth.
I only let out a nervous chuckle before I responded, "What do you mean man? She's not my girlfriend." It hurt to say it I have to admit but I remembered what had happened a few days ago and was reminded of the fact that nothing was ever going to be there for me and her.
"Good. I was just checking, it seems like things have become tense around here with you and Lauren and I'm just trying to keep you from doing something stupid." Stupid. What did he mean? To be honest I loved my brother but he was really starting to irritate me right now. I towelled myself dry and gestures for him to move out of the way so I could get dressed. Ethan said nothing and moved out of the way. I let my towel drop seeing as it was just me and him around here, when I heard a small gasp. "Ohmyfgodimsosorry." I looked toward the entrance to see Dinah standing there with wide eyes and a prominent blush on her face. Ethan stood in front of me to cover me so I could chuck on my jeans and shirt quickly so I could face her. I laughed softly when she quickly closed the door. I suppose she got lost again as it had been happening for most of the time on tour. I remembered the interrupted conversation between me and Ethan so I turned to him and told him that I didn't care about whether or not he had something to do with Lauren and the fact that I had probably lost her trust anyways. He protested and said that there wasn't anything. I smirked as I knew that that was a complete lie. I guess I deserve it anyways I've never been good with people except when it came to my image in the public eye. I placed my hand on his shoulder, "E it's ok, trust me it's all good." I didn't wait for him to respond but instead I walked out to find Camila.
A few minutes later, I surprised to find Camila in an animated conversation with Sydney. We were currently in the hall where dinner was being served as there was no chance beforehand. I never ate anyways, probably the myth about cigs and a curved appetite affirmed within me. I gave a small thumbs up to Camila as it seemed like my drummer was very much enjoying the company she kept. Camila gave a small wink to me and went back to her conversation. I watched her and Sydney closely and noticed how cute they looked together. And to think that i assumed she always went to my dressing rooms to see Jonah. I saw Dinah sitting next to ally and Lauren as she showed them her 'cute' snaps. I decided to walk to them and that's when dinah caught my eyes a small blush appeared on her face again and I remembered the moment at the showers. I gave a her a small chuckle. She  looked embarrassed as the other girls wondered why I had this effect all of a a sudden with my presence. "Hello Dinah, girls," ally greeted me back as Lauren gave me a smile. I guess we were finally getting on track.
"Hey y/n..." Dinahs voice wavered with a small laugh.
"Ok I am so confused now," ally interrupted as she didn't know why her bandmate seemed suddenly shy around me. "Should I tell them or you?" The girls curiosity peaked as ally and Lauren looked between me and Dinah waiting for an answer.
"We'll you see girls, I got lost again and I kindaaaa found the showers except it wasn't what I was looking for," I felt like laughing so hard at her nervousness. For he first time I had made her shy. "I walked in on this boi standing in birthday suit all confident and shit as he talked with his brother." She gestures to me as the other girls instantly laughed. I joined them.
"C'mon D don't like it bothered you," i teased her which she didn't mind. She was always the most chilliest one of all.
"Yeah yeah oh well there was nothing to see anyway," she teased me right back as I pretended to seen hurt with my hand on my chest. I looked to Lauren and saw her clear amusement with he interaction between Dinah and I. Her smile was so cute, I kind of missed seeing it except for when i would see her perform with a smile plastered on her face. She caught me staring at her and to be honest I didn't want her to look away. She did but I didn't care.
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I was walking towards my hotel room when I found Lauren outside my door. I was really confused to see her here this late. To be honest I was feeling real high from my sesh with Jonah  a few minutes bedroom so I thought I was hallucinating. When she saw me she looked a little too surprised to see me here. "Uhh hey there y/n..."
"Hi?" I gestures with my hand in greeting. She seemed a little nervous that I had caught her here. "Sorry I shouldn't have come here I don't know why I'm here," she was about to move before I stopped her. "Nono you don't have to leave," I giggled as I tripped a little to stop her,"I just didn't think you'd be here is all L." I bet my smile and obvious stench of weed had registered in her head as she looked at me with a puzzled yet amused look.
"I missed seeing you like this..." It was only a small whisper but I was able to catch it even in my state. She seemed different tonight. Almost as if she didn't have a care in the world. Her eyes were normal so that showed me she wasn't on anything, but I was still confused about this situation.
"Missed seeing me all fucked up??" I responded. She gave a sympathetic smile.
"Yes, you always say the most groundbreaking things in this state, remember? I do, it always amuses me how you question everything like a curious little boy, makes you look very innocent, I find it adorable," Her smile grew wider as she gesture with her hands in the air. I just watched her with an amused expression. She was really into describing me but it didn't really bother me. I've given up really I don't like to fight her but what remains of romantic feelings, i will keep locked away , that's for certain.
"Do you wanna come in?" I interrupted her as I addressed why she was here.
She wasn't surprised by question but more relived by it.
"Sure," she smiled and waited for me to get my card, which j fished around for with great difficulty as I lost my pockets for a second. I could feel the amusement emanate from we as i struggled to smoothly pull my keycard out. Once I did find it thought I slipped into the door lock after a few tries until I opened the door to let her in. She walked past me calmly with a cute smile on her face. I have to admit I did check her out when her back was facing me. Part of me was still connected to her but in a physical I guess...lust maybe?
I guess I was lookin to long because when I closers the door she was already watching me. I looked closer at her and saw how her demeanour changed. She approached me with a seductive smile. Our bodies not very far apart. I could smell her fresh scent as it invaded my space. I watched her eyes closely. We stood there watching each other. Her eyes were dark in the low light of my hotel room.
"Your eyes are gorgeous..."she was telling me something I had heard from different people before, but it sounded different coming out of her mouth. My eyes were only blue with a hint of green I never thought too much about it. I nervously chuckled as I realised that I really needed to pee. As her face inches closer to me I spoke up,"I need to pee..." She moved her head back and watched me with a sheepish smile on my face, "sorry to kill your vibe," I nervously manoeuvred my way around her to get to the bathroom to take a leak. I felt bad about ruining the moment but in the state I was in I might as well have been a 13 year old kid again.
When I moved out of the bathroom I saw her holding my journal that i had left on my bed.
I didn't mind, for now. Her eyes stayed a little longer on one of the pages as she read it over and over again, almost trying to decipher the words. "This is really good," I guess she had noticed my recent edition. If only she knew who it was written for.
I just nodded my head at her and walked towards where she was standing to look at the par she was referring to. 'Ah yes' of course she liked this one. "It's a song actually, I just haven't found the music for it yet." She turned her head to the left when she noticed my breath hot on her neck as I spoke. "You should perform it for me one day."
" I will don't worry darling...." I swiftly grabbed the journal of her hands to chuck it on the floor. She just looked at me with a puzzled look and noticed how calm I looked. "You never fail to intrigue me y/n, it's like one minute you're this serious empty guy and then the next you act like my best friend...I don't get it." I wasn't surprised by her confession. I was always an enigma in the eyes of many. I used my hand to slowly caress her face before I moved to undress into more comfortable and clean clothes. "You know you can just tell me if you want me to leave.." Her voice trailed behind me as changed into a tshirt and shorts to sleep in. My clothes reeked really bad but hey it was well worth it. I didn't really want her to leave actually. I turned to her and tossed her a tshirt of mine and trackies so she could sleep comfortably. She caught them with ease and stared at them inquisitively. I gestured for her to put them on as I climbed into bed, playing some light music on my phone to chill out. I'm glad me and my band always have separate rooms or I'd go crazy. She has put on the clothes and went into the bed laying next to me. I moved so she could find a comfortable spot. I watched her as she watched me again. I admired her lips, her eyes, her hair, her nose ring, soft skin the low light that I had left on. She was beautiful like this. The song in the background played 'I Don't Know' by Nick Hakim. The perfect harmonies done in that song made my night even better. I slowly sang along with it as my face was not that far apart from Lauren's her breathing relaxed a lot by I could feel the steady beat of her as I inched even closer. "Stay here ok? Just pretend like we're not a crazy tour or that I fudged things up for us or anything. Just stay here in this moment," I broke the silence as she gave me a small peck on the lips before closing her eyes, head on my chest. "Ok Y/N...I'm here ok," her voice was low and raspy at this time of the night, perfect and calming in so many ways. I didn't want to fuck her that night. I only wanted her close. I remembered what my brother had said and it made me angry again but that remained inside me. I looked at Lauren's angelic face as she fell into a smooth slumber. Ethan told me to back off but he can't tell me shit if she's looking for me. As I looked at her more the prospect of backing off became harder. I obviously hadn't done that yet since she was here lying on me. I got out my journal from the floor by slowly moving to the edge of the bed before she noticed and had her sleep on my chest again. My pencil was attached to the journal. I wrote down the words that rang in my mind before I let it drop and fell into a deep slumber with Lauren's warmth against me. My last thought was to let go for the night. 'Lauren'