Hardest of Hearts (Lauren/you) ON HIATUS

Break

Not being able to see Lauren for the spast month was killing me inside and out. My mother grew worried but she never said anything as I basically became a regular customer to the local dealers who would sell me whatever my heart desired. Weed? Why not. A hooker? Sure thing. Each passing day could only be sedated with the special escape of the day whether I jaywalked all over the place not giving a fuck about getting hit or if it were a session on my bedroom floor with a haze of smoke becoming my only company in the room. Either way I didn't care whether this was to continue until I had to go back to LA for recording or whatever the fuck else I was supposed to do in order to lick my managements ass. From now on I was just going to give the public what they wanted and that's it. I knew my eating habits were pretty much absent at the moment, as my stomach moaned for a morsel of relief I would proceed to fill myself with cigarette smoke till my hunger was sedated.

Ethan had been pretty AWOL since we both arrived home. He never seemed to stay in one place; or so I knew since I never paid much attention to him since we arrived at the airport. The only ounce of contact I had with anyone from the band was Sydney who officially announced her relationship with Camila on daytime television. I was apparently still pressed to write more songs but there was enough in my journal to make 5 movie soundtracks. The pages scribbled and blemished with ash and other fluids I was not too sure about anymore. I knew I had grown mad with the way I had lost Lauren's love and trust and there was no way else that I could find in order to make myself feel whole anymore. There just seemed to be no point to living anymore. All I was to anyone in the entertainment industry was a secure pay check and definite fame and fortune for any place that had me perform.

There was nothing in this home that could not remind of Lauren. I even grew mad with the look of the grass in the front yard. Its different hues of green angered me as it reminded me of Lauren's iridescent green eyes. The sun and the rain appeared to have nourished it to full health since the last time I had been home where the dry land could not sustain a thing.

I trudged through the threshold of my door, terribly crashing from the high of my latest drug. Moving to close the door weakly its motion was stopped by the small hand of my mother.
"I've had enough, Y/N." Her voice was sure and fed up. Her effort to keep the door open wasn't challenged even with her small 50-year-old frame. I exhaled a pointless sigh. Nothing could help satisfy the tight feeling in my chest that remained perpetual in the simple act of breathing; in my case, suffocating.

"It's nothing..." I attempted to brush off her attention by examining the floor and my scuffed Docs that still eluded me as to how they were still intact after all the years of being battered around.

"I don't know what's going on Y/N, but this," she gestured to me as a whole, "has got to stop. You can't keep destroying yourself day in and day out." As she spoke I couldn't help but feel lost and unable to reciprocate any sort of response to her feeble attempt to make me feel loved and supported.

"There's no point to this," I lifted my head as I responded, "I'm broken." Her eyes widened in concern and worry at my sudden revelatory interruption. Her dry lips quivered in the dim hallway light as she tried to process what I had just said.

"There's always a point Y/N," her thumb raised my stubbled chin so that she could examine my face. "Don't let yourself break anymore...'

NWi<_