Hardest of Hearts (Lauren/you) ON HIATUS

Come away

I walked down the street with a fresh cup of Starbucks coffee in my hand. The heat of the liquid burning the insides of my palms with every stride. The sky was darkening early as the autumn season appeared. The feeling that someone was watching was not new with all the paparazzi attention I had been getting lately. Lauren was surely waiting for me by now. Saying that I felt nervous was an understatement. I knew this was a long time coming. It had almost been around 2 months since we had seen each other and the last time wasn't the best moment. I was preparing the same speech over and over in my head hoping that it would be the one thing I was actually ready for. I had seen her name all over the papers with talks of her bisexuality and the hint of a romance with a girl. I wasn't opposed to any of that but it was good to know that even with all the changes going on that she still remembered me.

As soon as I had spotted the park the shakiness of my hand began to quickly set in. I suddenly felt scared and willing to turn myself all the way around, throw the cooling coffee into the nearest bin and make my way back into the hole I had crawled out of. The urge was so strong that the mental battle I was having made my head spin and I soon felt sick, enough to chuck whatever was in my gut.

Standing steadily, I focused on the trees and the cerulean sky and the way the slight wind flowed over my skin. I willed myself to stand my ground against the demons that warned that this was a bad idea, to turn around and never look back. I fought against the latter knowing that nothing would get better until I faced the music with fearlessness in my veins. I strode onwards.

As I walked passed the trees and the warm sun burned down on my pale skin, was the moment I saw her in all her radiance. The rays of sun did her no justice, making her look like the goddess that she was, yet not being able to capture the extraordinary iridescence of her entire being. She sensed my presence as my boots crunched upon the dried leaves on the floor, signalling the approaching autumn season. Our eyes met and that's when all doubt, all fear and all angst was falling out the seams. All of it expelled out of my psyhotci being, no alcohol or drug could amount to the effect that her deep green eyes had upon me. I felt in my soul like nobody knows. I thought that I had better slow down and let her release all thought, all hurt, all heart upon me like the garbage that I was.

"Hey..." the rasp in her voice graced my ears, soothing the pounding that pervaded my entire self.

"Hi." I exhaled, the words almost getting caught up in my throat. I gulped the last bit of cold coffee at the bottom of my cup, promptly throwing it away in the bin a metre away.
"I wasn't expecting you to come, honestly...Let's find a place to sit, yeah?" I followed her every word as I watched the movement of her reddened lips and the eyes that flitted towards the scenery possibly finding a bench to sit upon. Nodding my head, I let her guide the way, muted and obedient to her every move. We found a bench to sit that rested upon the small hill overlooking the walkway that was made atop the small man made river. Lauren pulled the sides of her leather jacket close together as she crossed her denim covered legs. I let my body rest against the aging wood. Drying my sweaty palms against my own stone washed jeans.

"What are you doing Y/N?" her sudden enquiry didn't surprise me, however, what surprised me was the fact that she didn't sound angry at all.

"I don't kno-"

"You know exactly what I mean Y/n, please just answer the question," her voice was fed up with having to repeat itself with me. I guess I could understand why after everything that's happended beteen us.

"I no longer care Lauren...I just don't feel alive anymore, I don't feel like im even worth being near you right now. The only thing I can tell you right now is that I love you. I love you and it fucks me up more than I've ever known. Nothing else matter anymore, what people think or what they say about me. I just know is that I need this." I gestured to the space in front of me aching to create some sort of existential metaphor that I knew would still never make sense.

"We have got to stop doing this Y/N, you need to get help. I love you but I can't keep on being the reason why you destroy yourself day in and day out. I don't want to be the reason why I'll have to read the headlines and see your name all over the obituaries or in the next new scandal. You're a good person Y/N, I believe that and I know something deep inside you knows that too." She placed her palm on my arm, the heat of her hand sending warmth straight to my core. I looked her in the eyes for the first time since we sat down. Placing my hand on her cheek I could feel perfection in the flesh, I could feel the way that her cheeks heated up with any contact that I made with her. Placing a kiss upon her forehead I felt her hand squeeze hard on me as she retreated. Her eyes were filled with sorrow. I immediately felt the familiar wrenching in my chest. She instantly beat my chest as tears filled her eyes. I guess there was still anger aimed towards me.

"You're an asshole Y/N, one minute I hate you and the next I feel myself drowning in you again. Why do you do this to me? Why can't I just let you go-" I interrupted with the most cliché kiss that I could imagine giving her. Feeling her bottom between mine and the way it moved after a few seconds of contact told me all I needed to know about her. Retreating my lips, looking into her eyes with mine again. "I'm going to get help, I promise," placing my thumb to wipe away the stray tears still streaming down her face, "Come away with me."