Technical Difficulties (A Flash Fanfic) (Complete)

Feeling Lonely (Leah's POV)

Okay, I am not stupid.

I'm really not! I admit, I may be slow and possibly oblivious (especially when it comes to Cisco, MY OWN BEST FRIEND), but I've worked way too hard in life to be considered stupid. I also take pride in knowing my friends well, so it wasn't hard to tell that Cisco and Caitlin were hiding something from me.

My paranoid mind quickly went to that kiss... Had Cisco talked to Caitlin about it before I had? Did he tell her he didn't like it? Did he tell her he wished he hadn't done it? No. I'm oblivious, not stupid. I knew Cisco enough to know he wouldn't do that, he wouldn't talk to Caitlin about it before he talked to me. Even if he didn't like it...

Okay, that idea is ruled out. Perhaps it was about my collarbone? It wasn't healing properly, I knew that much. It had been almost a month since the accident, it should be almost back to normal, but I still had nights where it swelled like crazy and mornings where I couldn't sit up on my own because of the pain. Eventually, Caitlin convinced me to move in with her. I felt like such a bother but she told me she was tired of having me stay at STAR Labs, and that it would just be easier if she could watch over me from her place.

With the help of Barry, it didn't take long to get all my things to her place and I took the bedroom upstairs. The first few nights went well, we spent our nights watching reruns of soap operas, and eating pasta and loads of pizza. Neither of us were very good cooks though, so of course everything was store bought and thrown in the microwave. I did the mistake of keeping my bedroom door cracked open on the first night and I woke up to her cat's tail hitting me in the face. He was a small tabby cat with orange and brown spots; his name was Isaac after Isaac Newton. I never really understood why though, he wasn't that smart of a cat. He spent a lot of time not paying attention to where he was walking and smacking into things, or trying to jump distances he knows he won't make and falling on the ground. He also always managed to get into the bathroom when I take a shower and then complained when he got wet from the showerhead. Weird cat.

It didn't take long for my demeanor of the house to change. I had almost forgot I was living where Ronnie use to live until I found his sweatshirt in one of my laundry hampers one day. Caitlin must've accidentally added it to my clothes... And I had planned on giving it back that day, but ended up sleeping in it that night.

The scent of him still lingered on the fabric and as I laid in bed alone, I didn't even try to stop the tears from coming. I had just started accepting his death and being okay with living life, knowing that he would want me to continue working hard and enjoying the good moments... He was no longer dead. I had seen him with my own eyes. Cisco and I had both seen him in the parking lot. He was Ronnie. He wasn't Ronnie. He was there. But he wasn't, it wasn't him, it wasn't OUR Ronnie.

But I wanted it to be our Ronnie, I wanted it to be my brother so bad...

And I couldn't stop my body from shaking along with the sobs that escaped. To say my heart hurt would be an understatement. My chest burned and I felt like my lungs were going to collapse as I gasped, trying to receive some oxygen when the sobbing wouldn't allow it. I still couldn't stop crying though, and part of me was so grateful that my ribs were no longer broken.

And I had never felt so alone. His shirt smelled like him but there was no warmth from it, if anything, it was cold and lifeless. The blanket wasn't warming me, it was reminding me of how it felt to be held, when no one's arms were there. The pillow was comfy, but it didn't have a rhythmic beating that would lull me to sleep. The bed was large and had enough room for two and yet, here I was without Cisco...

Huh? How did I manage to start crying about Ronnie and then cry about Cisco? Because you miss both of them... And it was true. I didn't care about whether or not the kiss did or did not happen anymore: what about the movie nights? The jokes? His laugh? I missed the nights where we would sleep on the couch and hold each other, the only sound is the voices from the movie that we forgot to turn off, our soft breathing, and the sound of his heart as I would press my ear against his chest.

I knew I couldn't have Ronnie back. I had accepted it the moment I woke up in the hospital bed. It wasn't him, just like Cisco had said, and he wasn't coming back. He didn't want to come back. However, I wanted Cisco. Cisco was here, Cisco was within reach, I could easily call him and have him come over whenever I wanted... that is, if he would ever want to come over. But why would he? After that kiss...

I could still feel it on my lips. My heart still hammered in my chest at the thought of it. But then it would remind me that I'm lonely and only cause the tears to fall faster. I was lonely without him, he was my best friend. And I was crazy about him.

I don't need him. I'm an independent woman. But that doesn't mean I don't want him.

I didn't even hear the doorbell ringas I continued to cry. The lights flickered slightly.