Tainted Love - Drarry

Chapter Eighteen

Harry 

I had less than one day to decide if I wanted to go into the Auror program. 

I know that everyone thinks I'm destined to do this and that I could do so many great things for the wizarding world if I was to become one (not that I haven't done enough for our world already). And I know that I would be great help to the other Aurors, what with my experience with Dark Magic, and you know, defeating the Dark Lord. There was a part of me that really wanted to do this. A part of me that knew I could be of great use. 

But there was another part of me that was holding me back. 

If I were to become and Auror, that would mean my life would be at risk yet again. For the millionth time in the past eighteen years of my existence. And I didn't know if I was as willing to risk my life now as I had been in the past. I have...a reason to live other than to fight crime now. I mean, there was Ron and Hermione, my best friends. And even Pansy, she was my friend too. But by far the biggest thing keeping me wanting to live as long as I could was Draco. 

I don't know what I would do if I ever had to leave him. I would be crushed, as well as him. he could go off the deep end again...I wasn't sure if I was willing to take that risk. And besides what would it be like for me going months on end without seeing the love of my life? Nothing but the occasional letter and two day visits here and there? How could I possible endure it? 

I sat on the couch of our common room, well past midnight, mulling these thoughts over in my mind. I had eight hours to decide what I wanted to do with my life. EIGHT. FUCKING. HOURS. This was bloody brutal. 

At some point during my thinking, I heard the pitter-patter of feet walking down the steps to the dorms. I looked up to see who it was and found my curly haired best friend in her pajamas with a lumos protruding from the end of her wand. 

"What are you doing up so late?" I whispered to her. 

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied. 

"Well I asked first." She sighed and sat down with me. 

"I was...in Pansy's room...." 

"This late at night?" 

"We got a bit carried away, I guess you could say..." she trailed off, avoiding eye contact. I nudged her in the side, waiting for a less vague answer and she sighed, yet again. 

"Ok, fine. We were making out and lost track of time. Happy?" she answered begrudgingly. My eyes just about popped out of their sockets and I abruptly turned towards her. 

"You did WHAT?!" I all but shouted before she slapped a hand over my mouth. 

"Shut up Harry, the whole dorm doesn't have to know!" Finally, after I had settled down she removed her hand. 

"Long story short, Ron and I broke up," she began. "It wasn't working out for either one of us. He seems to have some deep feelings for Lavender Brown and I...well I guess you could say I'm gay. Merlin, it's strange saying that out loud." 

"You'll get used to it," I said. "But wait a moment, how long have you known this about yourself? And the Pansy thing, when did that start?" 

"Well, I started questioning myself around the time you and Draco got together, and when I found out Pansy was bi. So I started mulling it over, and I realized that I had feelings for her. And I found out a couple of hours ago he reciprocated." By the end of her story, Hermione had a small smile on her face and her cheeks were tainted pink. "But now onto you. Why are you up so late?" Of course, she'll stop at nothing to find what she's looking for. Typical Gryffindor... 

"Well I'm happy for you," I said, patting her on the shoulder. "But I think you can take a guess as to why I'm sitting alone in the common room, wide awake in the middle of the night." 

"The Auror problem?" 

"Unfortunately." She sighed and turned towards me. 

"Ok. We're going to make a list of pros and cons." She then picked up a quill and some parchment that had been sitting on the table in front of us and drew two columns; one labeled pros, the other cons. "What would be a pro to becoming and Auror?" she asked, awaiting to scrawl down my answered. 

"Well, I would be helping others. I would save lives. It's sort of my destiny I guess you could say. I have good experience with Dark Magic and could be of good assistance....I guess that's about it." She nodded her head and wrote down my statements in the "pro" column.  

"Now cons?" 

"Risking my own life for the millionth time. Never being home. Leaving you, Ron and Pansy. Leaving Draco. Being afraid that he'll slip again. Never being able to see him..." I became lost in my thoughts again as she continued to write. When she finished, she handed me the list. Clearly the cons outweighed the pros in number, but were the cons as important as the pros? 

"Harry, I think it comes down to what you think will be the best for you. It depends on if you are willing to put your life at risk yet again and in turn save other people, or if you want to settle down into a more quiet life," she spoke quietly. I sighed and scanned the words on the list over and over again. 

"I'll leave you to it." Hermione stood up and pressed a small kiss to the top of my head before walking back up the stairs to her own dorm room. 

I kept reading and reading until I had the entire lis memorized. What was more important? Being here for the people I love, or saving the world yet again? I mulled and mulled and read and read and thought and thought. Hours passed by until finally the sun began to rise over the hilltops. My time was up. I stood up off the couch, left the common room and headed straight for McGonagall's office. 

I knew what I had to do. 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

After mine and McGonagall's little chat, I headed back to the common room with a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I knew in my heart that my decision was right, even if it felt a little odd to admit at first. I was doing the right thing, not just for myself, but for the sake of everyone. 

Once I arrived back at the dorm, my friends and boyfriend were all awake and about to head to breakfast. They turned towards the door upon hearing my entrance and cautiously turned towards me. Everything was silent until Draco spoke. 

"So what's it going to be?" he whispered. I took a deep breath before I spoke. 

"I'm staying." Everyone looked completely shocked. Except for Hermione. She gave me a knowing smile, probably having predicted weeks ago that I'd turn down the position. She is the smartest witch of her age. 

"Are you sure this is what you want Harry?" Draco spoke again, nervously. 

"I'm positive. Besides, how could I possibly risk dying yet again, and leave all of my friends and the love of my life? It was a no brainer." Well, that's a slight exaggeration of the truth, considering this had been eating me alive for days, but I knew in the back of my mind all along that this was what I had to do. 

Draco's face lit up and he ran towards me, crushing me in a hug. 

"The rational part of me thinks you're an idiot but the selfish part of me is beyond elated," he whispered in my ear. I chuckled and moved away slightly so I could jump into his arms. Once he caught me, I kissed him on the nose and smiled. 

"That's why I like selfish Draco the best." 

It's short, but hey, good things come in small packages! 

I hope you liked this little tid bit of the story! I'm sorry it's a bit short, but I don't think this had to be terribly long to get the point across. There will be a significantly longer chapter coming up either next or very soon pertaining Draco's trial. That will probably take a while to write so please bear with me. See you all next time and have a glorious day! 

-Ronny