I woke up the next day, with all my clothes on. I mean my outfit from yesterday. I realized that I fall asleep as I was crying. The tears dried on my face, it feels like after getting mask done.
I took my shower and changed into my blue tee and gray leggings. The bell rang. I opened the door with my hair still wet.
" Unnie? " I widened my eyes as Soojung unnie showed her what-the-heck-youre-doing face.
" Good morning! " She said.
" Why are you so early? You are not a morning person, " I looked at her as she entered my apartment with a white box.
" Then shall I go? " She asked.
" Its not what I mean. What is that? " I asked.
" Red velvet cheese cake! Sounds yummy isn't it? " She grinned and opened the box.
" Aren't you having your modelling thing nowadays? " I asked as I took two spoons.
" Its okay. I'll just go to the gym later on. I craved for this. I thought Sooyeon unnie is in Korea so I bought the big one. And I guess we have to finish this up, " She explained.
" Unnie, "
" Hmm? " She looked at me.
" I met him yesterday, "
Her eyes widened and showed the sisterly face, " What? How? Did you go to YG building or what? "
" I met him at the seven eleven market. You know I can't enter that builing all I likes, "
" What did he say? He know you? "
" Yes. He said sorry and we can start again. "
" That jerk. Leaving you and wanting you back like you don't have feelings. No! Don't even think to go back. You're not allowed. I can't watch you hurting again, "
" I never thought that. "
" You would one day. Trust me. You'll think that he's fine. You will try to accept him. Believe me. I am sure of it, "
" I hope I wouldn't. But, unnie? "
" Why? "
" When will we meet Haena again? She must've changed. She may be prettier, "
Soojung unnie's expression changed. She put her spoon down and looked at me.
" What's wrong? " I asked.
" Why did you asked? You really don't know or what? " She asked me back.
" Know what? I don't know anything. I just though of meeting her, I missed her. She was in my dream, " I said.
" Hana-ya. You really really really don't know? " She asked again.
" Know what? Stop that terrifying expression unnie. Don't make me feel scared, " I chuckled and took a bit of the cake on my spoon.
" Haena died, "
My spoon fell on the table. Completely in shock. Culture shock.
" S-she died? " I asked to make sure what I heard wasn't a prank.
" Yes. Grandma told that. She went to the sea to swim but then she disappeared. The savers said that she probably died. Mom didn't tell you this? "
" Unnie? ' Probably died ' ? What is that? So you guys are sure that she dies? " I asked in disbelieve.
" Yes. She already lost for three months Hana-ya. If she lived, she must been meet grandma back. And she have her death record. We can visit her memorial in anytime, "
" I don't even know about that, " My tears fell down on my cheeks.
" I guess mom don't want you to worry. Its okay. We are also in shock when we heard this. But what can we do? She's gone before we even meet her back. She will always watching us from above, " My sister said and moved over next to me to caressed my hair.
" I can't even say sorry properly to her. I did many wrongs. If only that didn't happen, "
" You are not. You was not. Thing happens. All that we should do is to move on. Grandma said Haena regretted her doings to you. But what can we do? She also wants to meet us. But God loves her more, "
" Don't blame yourself. God loves her more, she also reflected for her doings, but she gone earlier than we do. Its called fate. " She added more so that I will be okay.
" Where is her memorial? " I asked.
.....
I changed into my gray blouse and a black skinny jeans. My hair was left untied and I left my apartment.
Soojung unnie decided to rest in my apartment so I leave her alone. I drove to the place where she told me.
I got off from my car and locked it. I entered there quietly. There were a woman beside Haena's memorial cube.
I found Haena's picture when she was a baby in the small cube covered with glass. I cried as soon as I saw it.
" Haena-ya. I'm sorry, " I said.
" I never know that you're gone. Mom never told me. I just found out today. I'm really sorry for coming late. I'm sorry for not getting the chance to say sorry to you properly. I'm sorry that I used to be selfish. I'm sorry for everything I did that hurt you. I'm sorry that we fight and mom sent you to grandma. I did many wrongs. I wish I am the one who leave, and not you, " I said quietly.
I walked out of the place slowly. We never get to grow up together. We used to care for each other, loving each other, having funs. But its all gone just because of one guy.
I drove myself to the Han river after spending almost 6 hours at there. I sat on the empty bench and looked nowhere.
" Life is so cruel " I said to myself.
I was freezing since the weather was cold. Suddenly, someone put a jacket around me. I was startled by it and saw him.
" How do you know I'm here? " I asked.
Jinwoo smiled and sat next to me.
" I saw you at the memorial place. I was having variety shows recording around there and saw you as soon as I finished. So I followed you, "
I looked around me, searching for black vans, but theres nowhere.
" Don't worry. I don't come with my manager. So you can share with me if you want, " He said.
" Share what? I have nothing to say to you. Thank you for this, " I said and handed his jacket.
I turned my back, suddenly he wrapped his jacket on me and hugged me tightly.
" You will cry again if you didn't tell me, "
And yes. After a few seconds my tears fall. He turned me around and hugged me properly. I tend to hug him back.
" Its okay. Cry all you want, " He whispered.
I cried harder and harder then I realize that I wet his clothes.
" Sorry, " I looked down.
We sat on the bench together.
" Did you know that she died? " I asked.
" Who? " He asked back.
He didn't know it. Its good. Or else he'll be like me too and its not good for his career.
" Nothing, " I said and moved my eyes from him.
" Why did you cry? " He asked me back.
" Just feeling sadness, "
" You never cry without reason, " I can feel he's staring at me.
" Nothing, " I said.
" Lets talk a walk. To make you feel better, " He said and hold my hands.
Just for this night.
