The Ex (Lesbian LGBT Story)

twenty-six

Trigger in this chapter. If you're uncomfortable with INTENSE SAD THINGS (cutting, self harm, etc) do NOT read. thank you.

Carter

I woke up in a dazed state, unable to remember what had happened in the past week. I slowly processed it as I crawled out of bed and walked to the bathroom, leaving a sleeping Jane behind in my bed. My bed.

I had slept with Jane! Back and forth I went, to Ariana, then Jane, then back to Ariana. How could I do this? I was a monster.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I took it all in. I was naked, but I paid most of my attention to my eyes. They had dark circles under them and it had been that way for weeks now, unable to get any sleep as my mind went back to the dark times of high school, and Ariana hurting me.

Realization hit me: this was the first night where I had gotten a full nights rest.

I forced myself into the shower after brushing my teeth. I was going to use this time to think. I had to, didn't I? There was no choice. It was either Jane, or no Jane. I couldn't have both her and Ariana in my life, throwing myself back and forth between the two so I could make them both equally happy. It really wasn't healthy anymore, just like it wasn't healthy even when I was in high-school.

Whoever I chose, that was it. I was exhausted of hurting one, and loving the other. First it had been Jane, way back then, and once Ariana had come into the picture with Jake, that had been it. No going back.

Jake... If I chose Ariana, he'd hate me. Forever, this time. We would have no way of making our sibling relationship work anymore, not that there had ever really been one. Since that day in the hospital, he hasn't tried to talk to me. Family dinners and outings were awkward.

If I chose Jane, hell, I'd gain plenty, but lose Ariana. I could never have both of them in my life, at the same time, just like now. If I chose Ariana, I'd lose one of my best friends.

The hot water and heat was getting to me. I rubbed my temples..

Bam! Just like that, there was the idea. The perfect plan.

#

I was sitting on the couch. My eyes traveled to the small clock that was under the TV. It was currently about nine in the morning. Sunshine was leaking through my open window.

There was almost fourteen hours to complete the task I had given myself. The whole thing was, I couldn't choose. I could never choose between those two amazing women, and I never would. So the easiest thing I could do - for the both of them -was to just take myself out of the equation. It would make everything better for all of us.

All too soon, soft footsteps were coming down the staircase. I breathed in and out, counting my breaths. With horror, I realized this moment would be very significant later on. When I was gone.

I would have to put on my best acting skills and pretend nothing was wrong, and that Jane and I would be okay.

"Hey. Carter." Her voice was soft in my ear as she leaned over me, rubbing my shoulders. I closed my eyes for a minute, admiring how good this felt.

"Hi." I whispered. I could hear my voice cracking slightly, so I didn't say anything else. Instead, I got up fast, causing Jane to back up nervously. I walked over to her, behind the couch, and grabbed her, pulling her close. "I love you. So much. You know that, don't you?" My voice was tough as I spoke those words. I was going to keep myself together. I had to.

"I love you too." Jane said, surprised. "I have to run back to my apartment, are you going to be okay?" Her eyes surveyed me for a moment as she pulled away, clearly a bit nervous. "I just have to go grab some clothes and call my mom."