The Masquerade

18.Struggle

Devin's P.O.V

  I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to think anymore. The sun was shining brightly outside but my thoughts were only cold and dull. 

  In my mind it was currently raining; the dark grey clouds surrounding the sky and all of the streets were wet. There were no people as they were all inside, hiding from the storm. There was no sunlight in sight, only the chance of thunder breaking through the sky. 

   I was currently on my bed, hugging my pillow as I was laid down in a position that I would be able to look out the window at the same time. Everything seemed so blurry right now as the tears were just on the edge of spilling. Sometimes they did, and then dried but the feeling of crying was always there. I came home right away and my aunt of course attacked me with questions. The redness of my eyes and running out of breath from running all the way back here was obvious that something was wrong. I told her simply that Jared and I had an argument. After all, I had made a promise not to tell anyone before I knew and I liked to keep my promises but I wasn't going to leave it this way.

I had always wanted to hunt down those who killed my mother and get my payback for what they had done but I wasn't sure if I could do that to someone who I'd developed so many feelings for in this past month. This was the whole reason why I didn't want love, I didn't want to trust and I didn't want to lose...

   The text messages and calls poured in by the minute all of the same kind:

I'm sorry,

Please answer,

Are you okay?

And more like them. 

I was alone now; I didn't have Kristen, the one who should be here blabbing on and on about some stupid stuff to get my mind off of him. I didn't have Jared; who should be here giving me a hug and comforting me, but sadly he was the one who had caused me all this pain in the first place.  I just didn't imagine him a killer, and someone who has killed hundreds of people for no reason. I didn't believe that sweet Daylin could be one, Kat, Mike and the others as well. They were all just hiding behind a mask all this time. 

   My thoughts were interrupted when I heard my bedroom door open. I looked to the side and saw my aunt.

"I made you hot chocolate dear," my aunt said in a whisper, setting the mug filled with hot chocolate on my nightstand.

"Thanks," I nodded and she left the room. 

   I sat up on my bed and took the cup in my hands, blowing it a little before taking small sips. Soon my door opened again and instead of seeing my aunt, Jared stood in front of me. 

  I felt my heart do leaps in my chest. I didn't know what was going on, if I was mad at him, sad at what he does, happy that he's here?...

"What are you doing here?" I asked my voice cracking as I set the hot chocolate on the nightstand again. I didn't have any intention for him to see me this way: In sweats, in my room with half of my make-up messed up, red, puffy eyes and tears streaming down my face.

"Devin, I'm sorry if you probably hate me for what I said but I couldn't hold it in any longer," he said coming to sit on the bed next to me. "I love you and I want you to accept me the way that I am." He pulled me in his arms and put his head against mine, rubbing his fingers up and down my back. I liked this feeling and that was all I wanted right now but I knew that was wrong.

   I pushed him away and rubbed my eyes. "No, Jared. You hurt so many people who didn't deserve it including my mom." I looked away from him "Leave, I don't want to see you again." Lies, lies and more lies. 

"Don't lie to me Devin, I know you better than that."

"You don't know me at all, just like I didn't know who you were up until now. Just leave me alone, hard to understand?"

  He just sighed and shook his head. "I don't believe you, and this isn't the end. I'm not leaving you," was all he said before disappearing out of the room. I just took my pillow again and hugged it close, stuffing my face into it's softness as I started sobbing again.