Everybody Talks: Sequel

Chapter Twenty: Bad Day

****Katniss' POV****
The past few months have been okay, I suppose. It's been weird but I've got some of my memories back, mainly they're from when I was younger. I can remember my parents and Prim, or at least all of the important things about them, and I have some memories of school with Annie, Glimmer, Delly, Clove, Madge, Johanna, Cato, Marvel, Finnick, Gale and also, Peeta. I don't remember a lot about Peeta, just little bits here and there from when we were young, I can't really remember any of our recent relationship apart from a few small parts. I can remember hating him, I know I don't hate him anymore and supposedly I love him, I'm sure I'll get the memory of what it feels like to love him soon because all of the boys and Johanna who are away fighting come home in just less than two weeks now.
Everyone is excited for them to come home but Annie is freaking out. She's around six and a half months pregnant and Finnick doesn't even know that he's going to be a Father in approximately two and a half short months. I wonder what his reaction will be at the airport, he could me angry, ecstatic, upset, or just plain shocked. We've all tried to convince Annie to help him on Skype but she's been kind of avoiding the calls just incase he catches sight of her bump or realises something suspicious is going on. Every time anyone even mentions her letting Finnick know Annie says that it's not something you can just tell someone over a Skype call, it's face to face news.
These past few months I've been so close to telling someone about what the fall did to me; making it almost impossible for me to have children. I've wanted someone to confide in other than Haymitch, another shoulder to cry on when he's not around but I've stopped myself from doing it because, whether I remember him properly or not, Peeta deserves to know that it's highly improbable we'll ever be able to have children before anyone else, I'm pretty sure I remember him wanting them but, just like Annie's news, it isn't something you can just tell someone over skype; it's face to face news.
Today is a bad day for me, I didn't really sleep last night because it's the anniversary of the car crash which killed my Dad and Prim today and now that I remember them and the crash this day seems like it will be almost impossible to get through.
Some people seem to think that today should also be a happy day for me, it marks a time when I nearly died but didn't and that's a good thing however, it wasn't the only time I nearly died but didn't and today marks the day when that battle started, a battle that many people lose and I am so lucky that I was saved from. That was the day which gave me one scar which was soon joined by too many others. Getting my memories back wasn't all fun and games because I was remembering a lot of good things but a lot of bad too, I had to get those emotions back of what it's like to be losing a battle against your own mind and to think you're beyond help because you just want everything to end. That is something I never want to feel again.
I glance at the clock on the wall, it reads 7:01, two minutes since the last time I checked it. This day is going to go really slowly as well and I don't know how I'll cope. I've already found myself crying twice and the day hasn't even begun yet. I pull the charger from my iPhone and open up Facebook, I go straight to the photo album titled 'Spring Break Beach Holiday'. Over the past few months the girls made a scrap book with a little bit of help from me with important pictures, dates, events, quotes etc, to help me get my memory back and I look at it a lot but my favourite pictures on in this album on Facebook. They show a group of friends who are happy and have no idea of what is around the corner, they show a couple of people consisting of a different, much happier, me and Peeta, the boy I wish I remembered fully more than anything else because you can tell by the way we are looking at each other in the pictures that we're very much in love.
Without thinking I throw my phone across the room and it hits the furthest away wall. Hard. I know for a fact that the screen is going to be smashed but right now I don't even care. I'm just so frustrated and upset and just generally emotional. All these different emotions I didn't even know it was possible to feel at once are travelling around in my head, I just want to be like I was before. Like the girl on those pictures. I'm sure that everyone else would much rather have that girl here with them too.
Delly comes rushing into my room, looking worried and when she speaks she's out of breath, "Are you okay?"
I shake my head and feel the tears starting up again, "No."
She comes and perches herself on the edge of my bed as Annie, Clove and Glimmer also make their way into my room. Delly stands up and lets Annie sit down instead because she's getting big now. Annie softly asks me, "What's up Sweetie, is it because of what today is?"
"It's partly that and partly because I'm sick of not remembering. I just want all of my memories back," then I mumble, "I want to stop being such a burden."
Annie then speaks in a firm and fierce voice, "Katniss Renee Everdeen don't you dare say that!" She used my middle name so I know that she's royally pissed off with me, I knew she would be if she heard me so that's why I muttered it. I didn't realise she'd still be able to hear it, her voice softens and goes back to like it was when she first spoke to me, "Today is just a bad day, probably the hardest of these six months for you so," She looks at Clove as though seeking confirmation to what she's about to say, "I think you should get what Peeta left you for a bad day."
Clove nods, "After all this time you definitely deserve it."
Glimmer adds, "But you have to get up and have some breakfast first."
I protest, "But-"
And Glimmer shakes her head, "No 'if's or 'but's."
I wipe my hands across my face, getting rid of the tears and sit up. Everyone leaves the room and I take a quick shower to refresh myself then I get dressed in a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a plain black top. I quickly braid my hair then make my way downstairs I'm not really in the mood for eating so I grab one of the cheese buns that James dropped off for me yesterday because I love them and, apparently, I have since the very first time I had one.
I know that I want whatever Peeta left for me, for a bad day, but I know that there's somewhere important that I need to go to first. After the flashbacks of the car crash started hitting me almost every night in the form of nightmares where Peeta is in the car that my Father's car crashes into I was too scared to get into a car and drive, I don't think I'd feel safe anyway until all of my memory is back. I walk into the living room, everyone, including Haymitch who I didn't even know was here, is talking in hushed tones and as soon as they see me stood in the door way they stop which means they were talking about me or something they don't want me to hear. I wonder if any of them know what it is that Peeta left me. I've not even seen whatever it is, or I can't remember seeing but, I think that it was Clove, told me it was an envelope the right size for a letter but when she said that Annie didn't seem convinced by what she was saying and Annie has seen it so I wonder if Clove was telling me the truth.
Speaking of telling the truth, I have barely seen Mrs Mellark. She tried calling and texting me at first but I ignored any notification from my phone with her name on it and sooner or later I think she got the message that I realised she was lying and I was getting real help to get my memory back instead and that I was actually making progress. Whenever I go to the bakery she goes upstairs, I'm not sure if she's instructed to or she just feels that she should but I think it's a good thing that she does.
Anyway, back to the present. Everyone is looking at me in anticipation and I realise I've probably been stood here for a minute and not said anything, "Um, I want to get whatever Peeta's left me but there's a couple of places I need to go to first, would someone be able to drive me, it's not far and I could probably do with a bit of support because I want to get flowers and then go to the cemetery and...yeah..."
The girls and Haymitch all look at each other, as though having a mental conversation to decide. Annie can't really drive anymore, or she doesn't want to just incase anything happens, but everyone else can drive and I only really want one person with me, I don't really care who it is.
Haymitch stands up, "I volunteer."
I grab the leather jacket that used to belong to my father on the way out of the house and we go over to Haymitch's car. We're all very proud of Haymitch because when the boys come back it will mean that he has gone a whole six months sober and that's a huge achievement for him.
I sit in the passenger seat and Haymitch sits in the driver's seat and puts the keys in but he doesn't start the engine. He stays silent for a minute before asking, "How are you feeling about Peeta coming home?"
I shrug, "I don't know but I do really really want to remember him so I'm going to try really hard to get memories back but it's frustrating... I kind of broke my phone this morning."
"What? Why?"
"It was like seven, I'd had no sleep and I went on facebook to look at the pictures from the most recent Spring Break and got really frustrated so I threw it at the wall and the screen is smashed so I'm gonna have to have that fixed this week."
"Go and grab it and I'll drop it off now while you're putting the flowers on the grave. I'll leave you for a while, just wait by the cemetery gates when you're done if I'm not already there and, by the way, Annie seems to think that whatever it is Peeta left you is going to help you to remember him a hell of a lot, I don't know what it is but she seems to."
I go inside and grab my phone then we got to a shop where I pick out a nice bunch of flowers which have Primroses in them to place on the grave. Haymitch leaves me at the gates to the cemetery and then drives to wherever he's getting my phone fixed. I walk to Prim and my Father and Mother's graves, I could kind of remember where it was but I wasn't entirely sure so Haymitch told me where it was and it turns out I was right about it. I sit down on the ground just in front of the two headstones, one for both my mother and father and the other for Prim. I lay down the bunch of flowers in the space between the stone and let a few stray tears roll down my cheeks. "So it's been a while, I got into an accident and my memory went but I've got most of it back now. I don't know if I told you before but there's a war going on and all of the boys from my group of friends and one girl, Johanna, are away fighting. They get back in less than two weeks. My boyfriend, Peeta, is one of those people. You all know who he is, you all met him. Anyway, Peeta will be back really soon and everyone has told me how much I love him and I feel terrible because I don't remember him and..." I let a loud sob out before composing myself enough to continue, "and I really want to because I want him to have his girlfriend, he's already fighting for our country and in his two week break from that I don't want him to have to fight for me because I was stupid enough to slip and hit my head.
When I fell it's not only my memory I lost either. I've basically lost the ability for me, and whoever is stupid enough to fall in love with, to have children. What a burden for a partner to carry because it's one of the things you take for granted but it had to be taken away from me just like everything else didn't it? Just like you guys. I remember you all and I love you and miss you. I know you can hear me and that you're all together now and at peace and one day I too will join you but for now I'm going to try my very best to make you proud. I really hope you're looking down upon me smiling and, please, if there's someway you can help me then try it because I just want to remember everything. I want these patches of black erased from my mind and replaced with happy memories that I haven't yet regained.
I'll pray tonight and every other night for good things, for the strength to carry on and the courage to gain my independence again and so much more, just like I have for months now and I want you to know that I haven't lost my faith, and I never will." I stand up and start to walk away before turning around and adding, "I'll come back soon I promise." The I really leave. Haymitch is sat waiting outside the gates.
***********************************
The ride home was uneventful, we barely talked and I just watched out the window as I let all of my silent tears out in the hope that they wouldn't return at home. I'm not sure why but I feel much more comfortable and as though it is acceptable for me to cry in front of Haymitch than anyone else.
I walk through the front door and hear that everything is unusually silent. I walk into the kitchen and see a note with an envelope in front of it. The note reads:
'Kat,
We're all at the bakery. Come and join us whenever if you want to. The envelope is what Peeta left for you so open it in your own time.
Love, the girls X
P.S~ We know your phone is broken so if you need to reach us use the landline, (our numbers are on the back of this paper in case you don't know them.)'
I pick up the envelope and turn it back and forth in my hands, I don't think that it's a letter because it's a kind of square envelope and it's quite thick and whatever is in it feels hard. I continue to turn it as I contemplate how to open it and if I even want to open it.
Finally I give in to curiosity and slip my finger under the seal at the back. I open it carefully, trying not to rip it and, somehow, I succeed.
Inside is a box, like what a CD comes in but instead of album artwork there's a picture of me and Peeta on the beach during Spring Break. I open it up and see a DVD with 'watch me' written onto the front of it neatly.
I walk into the front room and put the DVD in then snuggle into the corner of the sofa as butterflies begin in my stomach due to the anticipation I'm experiencing about whatever I'm about to see.
A upbeat song starts playing and I can't help but smile as I listen carefully to the lyrics as pictures come up in a slideshow of some sort.
(A/N: If anyone wants to listen to the song it's called 'Love Note for a Rainy Day' and is by 'SayWeCanFly', I really recommend the music.)
'It's a rainy day in his heart
And all his lights burned out
He wants to feel the sunshine
But all he feels is doubt