Choices // The Sandlot

15; rumors ruin smiles

a/n: so im still writing on the computer and its making me nervous. life is nerve wracking. I finally got into my power school. I passed science with a 71 and just failed math by one point with a 64. honestly I hate life. I'm ready for one of you guys to take me in. I can pay for my ticket but just lend me a room and let my anxiety swallow me whole. also im dropping subtle hints for the outcome of the story so try to analyze everything you can. I love you guys and your support just don't love me. I'm nothing worth the effort. lots of love, ash❤️❤️

Amelia

Benny's been sleeping. Sleeping with Patty. At least that's what everyone says. I heard Sarah and Darby in the hallway the other day as I walked by. I knew eavesdropping wasn't appropriate but I couldn't help myself. Hearing those words twisted something in my stomach and I couldn't tell what.

"I can't believe Benny would do that to her" I heard Darby say as I walked by. I quickly rounded the corner and leaned against the wall to continue to listen.

"Yeah I know I mean he broke up with Patty so she wouldn't be hurt anymore because she's his best friend and now he's sleeping with her" Sarah replied and my stomach dropped.

Benny was with Patty. In a bed. Skin against skin and he didn't at least think once about the out come for me. How I felt was unexplainable. The words felt like daggers being stabbed into my heart after I just swam through the coldest water in the world.

"Hey Baby" Phillips voice caught me out of my trance and I looked up.

"Hi" I replied and he drew his eyebrows together in confusion.

"What's wrong? Where's that smile of yours?" he asked and I sighed. Rumors ruin smiles.

"Nothing, I'm okay" I fakley smiled. Something I had become to accustomed to. Lying was still an instinct that I was trying to get over also. He nodded and wrapped his arms around me before kissing my forehead.

"Let's get you home, schools out and you need rest" he said and I nodded. Today he drove us so I wouldn't have to worry about driving. Once he dropped me off I kissed him and sat in my room.

8 hours had come and gone with me stuck in my muddled thoughts. Something wasn't right and that much was true. Benny would never do something like that to me. Then again I don't know anymore. We had been drifting apart the past month and I know he loves her. No matter what she did to me it cant effect his feelings. Nothing can stop the way that he feels.

 I'm not so sure how he feels any more though. We have our night adventures but we don't talk like we used too. We sit there maybe some stupid conversation but nothing important and nothing to deep. We weren't Benny and Amelia and somehow that scared me a little bit. Before I knew it my leather jacket was wrapped around me and I was out my bedroom into the night.

I felt my hands shake as I rounded the house. Luckily he lived in a one story house. I was shaking so much I would have fallen trying to climb anything. Before I could stop myself my knuckles met with the glass creating a soft thump that would hopefully catch his attention. The curtains flung open and I shyly smiled. He unlocked the window and slid up the glass before helping me lift my body into the dark room.

"What Are you doing here Meil's" he asked as I brushed my hands on my pants. I shrugged, I mean I was the one who cancelled our night adventure tonight and here I was in his bedroom.

"Are you sleeping with Patty?" I blurted out not daring to look him in the eye. He placed his hands on my shoulders before sliding them down to my wrists. He pulled my hands out of my pockets and held them in his.

"Where did you hear such a thing?" he asked and I sighed finally bringing my eyes to his.

"I heard Sarah and Darby in the hallway this afternoon" I said and he shook his head.

"I'm not sleeping with Patty, I told Ham about her trying to get me to go over to her house and do that but I said no because I didn't want you to receive her abuse and you know Ham he must of shared that around until it turned into some extravagant rumor but I promise I never did anything with her" he explained and I nodded.

"I was just worried because I know you still love her" I said and he shook his head letting go of my hands and throwing his in the air.

"Why do you always say that?" he whisper shouted. We don't want to wake up the whole neighborhood.

"I don't love her or like her, I used to but not anymore. When I found out she hurt you I lost any feelings for her. I was angry and upset and most of all betrayed and I can never love someone who hurts the people I love. I loved the person she pretended to be but I can never love the person she really is" he finished and my heart fell to the bottom of my stomach. He can never love someone who hurts the people he loves. People he loves.

"The people you love?" I asked and he stopped his face visibly falling.

"You love me?" I asked and he started to walk towards me but I backed away.

"Amelia I'm so sorry I never told you-" he started but I cut him off.

"I went through hell on earth after you said to me you didn't love me and now that I don't love you like that anymore you finally do. You're a jerk Benny, I hate you and don't you dare think about talking to me for a long time" I said before hopping back out through the window and into the night. Just like that I had turned away from him once more. This time I turned away from everything and the damage was beyond repair.

Everything inside of me felt as if it was just lit on fire. I climbed back into my room before flopping on my bed. I loved him so much that I couldn't breathe whenever I was around him. My love for him was so deep I could have drowned in it and the second he tells me the feelings aren't requited I threw them into the same hole I did with my happiness when him and Patty first started dating. I didn't love him anymore.

I love Phillips, I know that now but just the fact of knowing that the feelings I had for Benny are requited once mine were gone was probably the most painful thing I ever went through. I could have had the future I always hoped for but I stopped hoping for it only to find out it was possible I could have had it but it was too late. I no longer had hope. I used to be the most hopeful person on the planet but I have been through too much to know hoping for something is useless. Hope is for suckers and I'm sad I was one of them.