So I'm literally still shaken up after the dream I just had and I woke up like ten minutes ago but like I woke up and my pillow was wet from tears and I was still crying after my dream. Like... I've never had this before. Even my 'nightmares' are usually funny to me after I wake up and I tell them to everyone and how awesome they were.
So I woke up in the middle of the night after having some dream about theatre where we climbed up these stairs and idk it was like a normal weird dream for me so I'm not questioning it.
Basically the dream I just had it started out as everyone from my school here but the school I went to before last year (the one where I met Kania) was having these tryouts to see who wants to be school president and I was like sure so then everyone was like running around and they had the people who wanted to do tricks and I remember this old girl from my old school back in Rhode Island, Deana (the twin sister of one of my ex-best friends) did this terrible backflip. The person 'auditioning' us was my old dance teacher Jen.
I tried to do a front walkover but found I couldn't and she made a small comment about it to me in front of the entire school (?) and so then I did a high kick but I just felt so tired it was probably my worst high kick in the entire world.
So then somehow I was transported to my old dance studio and then White Horse came on and me and my friend Jenna (not my bestie4life Jenna but the other one, Jenna M.) were singing it probably because my brain remembered that one time she made a comment to me about loving the song Teardrops on My Guitar before I really loved Taylor Swift. Then I walked over to the song thingy and the dance studio was giving tours (?) and some of those friends from here were in that including Kirstin (who I don't think I've mentioned enough in this book considering how much she's appeared in my life these past few months) and my old friend who I haven't talked to in probably a year, Shayla. Shayla stopped and had like a two second convo before leaving with the tour group and then I thought White Horse was repeating and I asked Jen about it and she rolled her eyes and told me it's a different song and then I started singing Fifteen like instinct because singing Tay songs are instinct.
So I was like "Omg I love this song it's literally my life"
And this girl from my studio, Lauren, was just like, "shut up, Turtle, no one cares."
And I was like, "No, but it is except I can't da-"
And she replied, "stop singing it's annoying and nobody cares and no, this song is not literally your life so shut up."
And then tears started to brim my eyes and I ran outside, where it was raining, and sat under this thingy in front of the studio that had the logo and stuff because under there it was dry and I sat so my knees were against my chest and my arms were around my legs and then just started sobbing and after like a minute Lauren came out and she sat down kind of next to me and let out a sigh and said, "Hey, I'm sorry."
And I just sat there crying. and then she asked, "Are you alright?"
And my reply was, "I thought I was fine but then when you said that it brought back all those feelings and now I think I'm not fine."
And when I was saying that I thought I was referencing my depression but now as I'm writing it all down I think I was actually talking about when I used to dance because this is really stuff that would happen when I was in dance except when I'd cry I'd go to the bathroom and just kind of breath heavily to try and stop it and when someone would knock on the door to tell me to get out I'd get out, smile calmly and tell them that I accidentally got hand sanitizer in my eye and every time they'd believe me.
So anyways, after this I went back inside and I made a huge mess with water so my dance teacher, Jess, grabbed a towel and I went over it and cleaned it and then Jess made this comment, "I told you this would happen, but you dance dads wouldn't listen," to some guy. And then Lauren came out and said, "Hey," and I looked at her and then she said, "You're amazing Jul,"and in my dream I understood the nickname but now I'm just like... where'd that come from?
And then a small tear started to go down my face and then I woke up and started crying and idk it's all just kind of weird. Does this dream deem something that would make you wake up sobbing or did you have to dream it to feel it? Because I'm still shaking and it's been a half hour now and I have some snot in my nose from the crying and it's not pretty.
So this is why I've never been asked out before xD
YOU ARE READING
My Memory Log
SachbücherIn which my memories will not be forgotten. All these are actual stories I remember. All of these are true and happened.