My Memory Log

My Fault

Only one failed friendship has ever been 100% my fault and it was with Crea. If I ever see her again I will apologize like crazy because I still, even years later, feel absolutely awful.  I can't do the bolding year because our friendship isn't by years. 

I met Crea when I had to walk on a bus full of other 4/5 yr olds entering kindergarten. I didn't know anyone and I sat randomly next to her. Eventually everyday she sat on the inside end next to the window, Skyla would sit in the middle, and I would sit on the end. We would laugh as Skyla (who is currently best friends with the same Sam Abbie became friends with) entertained us by smashing her head against the seat over and over while making random noises. 

We were never in the same class. Throughout my entire school life I don't remember a time being in the same class. We were on the same team in fifth grade-but not the same class. We were still best friends though. I don't remember not being her best friend. Our friendship was deeper than being in the same class.

We hung out at recess sometimes and I remember when me and Kali fought over her furiously. Kali and I still laugh about that actually- Kali teased me about Crea's lunchbox and Crea just got confused.

In fifth grade we were on the same team and sat together at lunch. I had a friend group. Crea, Mackenzie, Josh, Devan, Kali, and Amanda (Amanda was my best friend that year... I don't talk to anyone I just mentioned anymore. It's sad, we were all super close. Well, I kind of talk to Kali but only her.)

I hugged her when she gave Joseph a rose on Valentines Day because she had a crush on him- and then he gave it away to Kali. 

I was there when she cut her finger with scissors and ended up getting stitches.

But in sixth grade she cut her hair and looked like a guy.

Everyone accused her of being a lesbian and she came to me to rant about it. She trusted me but I just... I just couldn't handle her. I had to deal with my own problems and the fact people were accusing me of being a lesbian with her kind of pushed me over the edge and I just kind of told her to shut up and eat her lunch because I'm tired.

She went to the bathroom and cried.

The next day she came to me and told me she was moving the week afterwards. I got her number and promised I would call her but I never called because I was a selfish stuck up prick who was tired of dealing with her problems.

I don't know where she is now or if she's happy. I really hope she is because she deserves it. She deserves the world.