Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter Five

~:Chapter Five:~

The way Harry's eyes lit up when he heard yes never failed to amaze me.

The happiness and surrealism in his eyes made me wonder; Why was he so glad that my answer was yes?

What was so great about a little stroll with me?

I didn't want to go on a walk with Harry, well a part of me did. It was just to get away from Josh and maybe Harry could be that perfect distraction. To my advantage, -even though it had only been once or twice- I always found myself not thinking about the negativities that revolved around my life. It was only Harry in my mind. And Harry could be the perfect weapon.

I scolded myself for using such an innocent, sweet and caring person just for my own distraction, to get away from my stressful thoughts but this was the only way the voices I heard daily would stop.

Right now, Harry and I were in a small cafe, where books were also sold. In my hand held a small latte and in Harry's, coffee.

I was introducing the Fault In Our Stars to Harry, since it was one of my favorite books. Along with the Mortal Instruments series, but I didn't know if Harry would enjoy the books.

"Is it sad?" Harry scanned the cover debating whether to open the book or not.

I grinned. "Almost everything is."

Harry raised an eyebrow but didn't question what I meant.

Finally, Harry's eyes met mine as he took a breath. "Okay I'll skim through it.. How sad is it exactly? I don't like being sad."

Me either.

"You'll live," I answered.

After a long day, I arrived back at the flat laughing with Harry. I felt a sensation in my heart, warmth maybe. That's the vibe that came off of Harry, warmth and care. The opposite of me, dark and cold.

"Well... Thanks for today." I managed a small smile as I entered mine and Josh's flat.

"It wasn't a problem, and I'll start reading right away, as long as you listen to a few of our songs, alright?"

I chuckled softly. "Sure thing," I promised as I waved goodbye and shut the door.

"Joyce..?" Josh's voice rang in my ears. I sighed to myself, it was nice while it lasted.

"Yeah?" I sighed, I had to overcome this anger and disappointment towards him. So what he shipped me off to rehab. So what he didn't tell the band he works for that I was his sister.

So what? I kept saying. I felt empty, I didn't care anymore.

Josh was a little bit surprised, he probably expected me to ignore him or just snap at him. But I guess I was unpredictable that way.

"Where were you? You weren't in your room and I kinda got worried."

"With Harry," I said feeling a sudden tiredness overcome me.

Even though I have been avoiding Josh, I knew he still felt protective over me. Being my big brother, he wanted to prevent me from getting hurt, but that's inevitable. Although Harry would never hurt me intentionally, he was a popstar, never in one place, always leaving loved ones behind.

"Joyce, as you know, since the boys are on a break, that means I get a break and..." Josh said uneasily, his face showing displeasure.

I didn't expect much of the subject. "Yeah?"

"Well durning break," Josh said with an intake of breath, "I'm visiting mum and dad."

I didn't expect that, of course. I felt betrayed, back stabbed. Josh of all people should know that our parents discarded me and left me to fend for myself, all because of something I couldn't control. And for that, I loathed my backstabbing parents. I felt betrayed, but they were his parents too and he loved them. I shouldn't be selfish and get in the way of that.

My head hung low. Had I been blind? Obviously durning the three years I had been gone, he was visiting our parents. The people who shunned me, the people that used to care, didn't care at all anymore.

"Okay," was all I said before I headed back into my room.

I looked into the cracked mirror, remembering all the things I tried so desperately to forget. It wasn't working. Relapse made its way already, but I was never better in the first place. I was only fooling myself and others.

I slammed my fist into the mirror I used to spend my days looking into. Trying to become less imperfect.

Blood dripped from the slashes in my hand and a burning sensation formed. I cursed, but welcomed the accidental pain. Shattered bits of the mirror fell to the floor around my feet.

The door knob jiggled and I expected Josh wondering what all the racket was or something, but no, behind the door revealed a worried Harry. Josh probably called him, I silently curse again.

"Joyce." Harry gasped kneeling in front of me taking my injured hand in his.

"What are you doing here?" I asked softly watching the blood flow out of my hand and onto his.

"There's no time for that, where's the first aid kit?"

"In the bathroom, under the sink." I directed, watching Harry stand quickly, leaving me clutching my hand as the blood dripped to the floor.

I slumped to the ground, landing on a few pieces of glass, causing it to pierce my thigh. I sat criss-crossed, more broken than the mirror I shattered.

Harry came rushing back in with the kit firmly in his hand. He grabbed my hand and led me into the bathroom. He gently placed me on top of the bathroom counter.

"Oh Joyce," Harry sighed. "What have you done to yourself?"

I looked shamefully at the tiled floor, me and my hand feeling numb.

"I broke." I whispered, feeling the world spin around me.