Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter Seventeen

~:Chapter Seventeen:~

It was bound to happen, I could feel it in my bones. No matter how much I tried to avoid it the feelings would always be there.

That's the problem with Harry, he was so focused on you, and your problems. Always putting you first. And the attention was craved, that feeling of being wanted. Though it wasn't just that. Harry's caring soul made me feel like I was worth something. I couldn't really describe the reasons I loved Harry. I guess true love is really indescribable.

That boy was sitting on my bed beside me probably with a confused look. Maybe because I haven't said anything, but nevertheless I look up to meet those eyes that captured my heart. And his personality, that captured my soul.

I smiled a true smile, probably the last for a while.

I knew I couldn't just let these feelings slide, but if Harry didn't feel the same way I knew I'd have to move on.

It sucked knowing you had no control in your thoughts. No say in who you wanted to love and who you didn't. It just happens, and you can't say or do anything to stop it. That's what happened with Harry, my heart was stolen and I couldn't stop it from happening. He was like a magnet, I was drawn towards him with my entire being. Like a drug, I couldn't stop after that little bit, I needed more of him. Every part being addicting.

He smiled back curiously. His eyes looking deeply into mine, probably reading my soul and entire thoughts. It seemed like Harry was about to lean in, but stopped himself. And I found myself disappointed. But I knew he didn't want to push it.

His soft hand brushed hair behind my ear sweetly. It was a small gesture, but it didn't go unnoticed.

"I'm really in love with you, Joyce," Harry admitted softly never breaking eye contact, cupping my cheek.

By now all my worries vanished with Harry's true feelings being confessed, and it's about time I say mine. I pushed and pushed Harry away many times, every time he didn't give up on me. I was so grateful to have someone not give up on me.

I took a deep breath, my heart was beating fast.

"Harry, I care about you so much. And I've been hiding from these feelings, but I finally see now." That's not exactly what I had planned to say.

Just because I loved Harry doesn't mean I could commit to anything. I wasn't really sure if I loved Harry, or had a deep caring for him.

"I want to be with you, to hug you without hesitation, to be there whenever you need, just love you," he says, staring into my soul.

"I'm not sure I can love you enough Harry, I'm so broken I'm not sure I can ever love again. Maybe I do love you, maybe I don't. I'll never know because I've never felt it before. I can't give you a broken heart Harry."

"But what if I fix that broken heart? You won't know unless you try." Harry argued softly.

But Harry didn't seem to understand.

"Why should I commit to something that won't last? You'll end up leaving me just like everyone else. How do I know you aren't just another one of them?"

"Do I really want to get my heart broken some more?" I concluded.

"Sometimes it's good to take a risk. How do you know I'll always stay with you? Isn't loving you the greatest thing I can give you? I might not be able to stay with you every hour of the day, but I can promise something so much as love and care,"

This confessions were overwhelming and even though I was sitting I felt a little dizzy. Harry was probably right but I wouldn't let his words consume me.

"Because Harry! Everything is too good to be true. One moment I'm healing, but then I get broken by some cause, all happiness doesn't last," I ranted gripping the sheets.

"Sadness doesn't last either, Joyce. If your happy then embrace it. Don't keep thinking about how it'll all come to an end sooner or later, appreciate your life for the moment, the present. Stop looking into the future because you'll end up disappointing yourself."

"Do you know how long people have been telling me that one Harry? The 'keep your head up high and enjoy your life for the moment' bullshit? People at the institute would always pull that one! Do you know how long that kept me going? Not a very long time Harry. Look where I am now, mentally fucked up. Never moving forward, I might need you Harry. But I've survived several years without you, and I think I can do it now." My breathing was heavy and my head pounded.

"Okay Joyce, I get it. You've hinted how you felt countless times and I think I should finally open my eyes. I love you, but why should I waste my time on someone who will never feel the same?" Harry had the same expression as my father the day I got kicked out.

It felt like I was kicked in the chest several times. I pushed Harry too hard this time, I realize that now.

I wanted to call out to him to come back, and tell him I didn't mean it. Only it was too late, Harry was gone.

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Sorry, short chapter ;(

WEEE IM SO EXCITED FOR MIDNIGHT MEMORIES TO COME OUT LIKE I PRE-ORDERED IT WHEN THE FUCK WILL I GET THE ALBUM DAMN.

Anyways, aside from that. Let me make this chapter clear bc I know it's all over the place.

1)

Joyce cares deeply about Harry, but she isn't sure that its enough bc she's so broken inside. She said she loved him but she's doubting herself.

2)

Harry loves Joyce but finally gave up trying to fix her, and win her beaten up heart.

anyways this is way too long like damn I'm on a roll or something.

@walltwerkharry on twitter btw.

Keep reading and voting bc it means a lot :)

Stay strong beauts you're not alone. <3

~:Grace:~