Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter Nine

~:Chapter Nine:~

The phone rings several times, but surprisingly, they finally picked up.

"Hey.. Sara?" My voice was wavering, it's been ages since I last spoke to my best friend, I was surprised she still had the same phone.

"Hello?" The voice wasn't Sara, so I started to worry. But I almost wasn't surprised the voice wasn't Sara's, maybe she changed numbers. But no, I recognized the voice. It was Sara's mother's.

"Catherine?" My voice was questioning. Why would Sara's mother pick up Sara's phone?

Well surely, there are many reasons for Sara's absence. Maybe she is just in the restroom, there are many reasons. I don't know why I am so worried.

"Joyce? I didn't expect to hear from you." Catherine noted, surprised.

I nod my head, then realize I can't be seen through the phone. "Yes, it's been a while. Is Sara there?"

At that, Sara's mother sighed. "No, she's not here, Joyce." I feel my throat tighten, just my luck.

"Is there anyway I can get a hold of her?" Joyce asked, hopeful.

Catherine took another breath, "Joyce, you might want to sit yourself down, okay?" Catherine suggests, as soon as I agree she goes on, "okay, Joyce, hunny. Sara passed away, she committed suicide a little over a year ago. She left you a note in fact. I'm very sorry Joyce, I know how much she meant to you, our family is still suffering daily."

Tears well up in my eyes. They are still sore from my previous episodes of crying. I feel sick, like I could throw up at any moment. Even though Sara and I haven't spoken in years, I didn't think the previous time we spoke would be our last.

I could have prevented Sara from her problems, like how she helped me with my own. I could have been there for her in her time of need. Sara had no one but me, and when she needed me most, I wasn't there.

The problem was, I couldn't contact Sara to tell her I was in the institution. For all Sara knew, I could have been dead, and maybe that's why Sara ended it. But the reasons were infinity.

Sara had her fair share of problems, like me, she too was suffering. Inside and out. Except Sara couldn't go on for long, and now, it felt like I couldn't either.

"Joyce? Joyce? Are you there?" Catherine calls through the phone, but not sounding worried.

I can't speak, when I try I choke on the tears that won't roll down my cheeks.

She left you a note.

The words ring through my ears

"I'm coming over." I manage to say, but my voice is weak.

"I don't think that's a-" Catherine starts, but it's too late, I already hang up and get my jacket on.

I pray to God that it is all just some sick joke, a prank-I won't be mad as long as I get to see Sara in the end. That all Catherine said was a lie to separate me from Sara.

I speed over there, it feels weird being in my car again but I like the adrenaline that rushes through my veins when I did.

I don't even bother to knock, just barge in, stomping up the stairs to Sara's room. Everything is the same as I last saw it three years ago. But it has an empty feeling to it, like no one has been in it for a while.

There is a note on Sara's bedside table, un touched, and wrinkled. The worst of all, stained with drops of blood. I slowly walk over and pick the note up, shoving it in my jacket pocket.

A voice startles me, "Joyce, you need to leave." Catherine ordered.

I brush past her quickly, rushing down the stairs to get home and read the note.

The ride home felt like the longest ride of my life. I feel emotionally drained, but the strong aching didn't subside. It only grows, ripping my heart in half, knocking the wind out of me.

The door slams as I enter quickly, escaping to my bedroom, locking the door. Not that anyone would come in, but still.

My eyes scan the letter as I begin to read.

Dear Joyce,

Hey darling, I know it's been a while but I still haven't forgotten you. Nor will I ever. The memories we shared together have been splendid, but my times up darling.

I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I couldn't even help myself. But enough about me, you'll be happy without me, I know you will.

I'll always remember you. Even if you forget me. You don't have to worry about me anymore, I'll be safe. Or in hell, either way, I'll be out of your life.

I'm so sorry I brought this upon you.

But you'll be fine, I know you will. God has plans for you, please promise me not to hurt yourself, don't keep your promise of going if I do. You can do this.

Remember when you told me your obsession with Sloths? And you sent me all those sloth memes? Remember when we didn't speak for months? Remember all the good days we shared? The memories that made us Best friends.

I'll be with you forever, hidden inside your mind. But you must forget about me, okay?

You'll always be my sister, I don't have much time to write such a long note, God knows I can write a book about you, and how great you are. But I can't darling, my times up.

I want to write so much more, but there's not enough time.

Please stay strong Joyce, I love you, you know that don't you?

See you in the future, I love you.

~Sara

By now, the emotional pain was unbearable for me, my breathing came out in heavy gasps for air. The tears wouldn't slow, and I feel my whole world tear apart.

I'm choking on broken sobs, unable to breath.

It's all my fault! I scream, throwing my lamp onto the ground, causing it to shatter into several pieces.

It's all my fault! I yell at the top of my lungs, but no one could hear me.

I keep chanting the words of self-blame over and over, throwing books and more of my belongings onto the floor.

The pain wouldn't seize, it struck me all at once, like a lightening bolt in the worst of storms. No matter how loud I screamed, it wouldn't fulfill my needs.

I am destroyed, it happened all too soon. I'm not stable enough to endure this amount of pain, and self hatred.

I deserve every disease, I deserve to suffer. I tell myself, and believe it. The amount of self hatred I feel for myself was beyond anything I've ever felt before.

I cried and cried, holding my knees, unable to see because of my blurred vision. With a quick pace, I run into the washroom and throw up everything I ate in the toilet.

I feet like I'm dying, and maybe I am, mentally.

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Holy shit. Uhm, well I put a lot of emotion into this chapter.

I almost cried while writing this. Hope you enjoyed.

Vote, comment, and fan (follow) please.

Ily stay strong beauts.

~:Grace:~