Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter One

I exited the big heavy doors of

the rehabilitation building. The therapist believed it would be my last day there much to my mental disbelief. But I am thrilled, no more pitiful stares as I entered the building, no more judgmental shrinks that really didn't care about my problems.

"I'm free," I whispered to myself as I breathed the fresh air I felt I haven't gotten enough of in so long.

Although I had only been there for three years it felt like a decade. The shrinks probably just got tired of me like everyone else and sent me home.

During three years, nightmares still haunted me. The little voices in my head still called out. Three years was worth it though, because I'm finally better.

"I'm free," I repeated taking in the familiar surroundings as I entered mine and my brothers flat.

He was probably long gone already. After three years he already given up on his sister, sad life I had.

Being disowned by my parents, Josh was the only thing I had left. He was my only family. Though, they still kept regular contact with Josh, being proud of his drummer career that took off not too long ago. Now he's traveling the world with the biggest boy band.

Although I was gone over three years, I still knew who One Direction was. I wasn't living under a rock after all, or maybe I was. No contact to the outside world and isolation is pretty close.

I sighed to myself. Josh was gone, most-likely living the dream on tour with that band. While I remained in an empty flat with nothing to comfort me but the empty feeling inside me.

The room I called my own hasn't changed at all. Though a chair had been knocked down and the mirror broken. Not that I needed it anyway, it was only a reminder of my never ending flaws. My old phone was on my bedside table just like I left it. I adored my phone even though it wasn't some big name brand iPhone or something. Just a regular android.

There was a picture of me and my dog, Fudge. Not some family photo that you read about in every novel, nope Fudge and Josh was the only family I needed. But by now my beloved companion was long gone. He had to be given away to another loving home because I was shipped off to the institution and Josh was wandering the world living the dream.

The achy feeling returned, it wasn't just a dog I lost due to my illness. It was also my family, best friend and whoever else I was close with. Fudge's departure was a reminder to me that because of my illness, I'll never find happiness. I lost the ones I loved all because of a depression I can't seem to lose, and that saddened me even more.

I once lived a normal happy-go-lucky life myself. Many friends, decent enough grades. I was once a carefree soul who was outgoing and never took anything too seriously. But that was many years ago you see. Where did it all go? I kept asking myself.

Maybe it was when I realized I wasn't good enough. When I looked deeper into the mirror and recognized all the flaws people pointed out. When the harsh words suddenly became true. When walls were built so no one could hurt me anymore, yet they did. It was when I broke.

Where did it all go? Such a simple question, yet never to be answered. I understood it perfectly, although people would hesitate to answer wondering what they meant, I knew. Where did the happiness go, is the real question.

It flooded out my body when all the sadness came rushing in. It just hit me. All the good things in life were replaced by negativity.

Where did it all go? You ask.

It was never there, it only took a matter of years for me to realize it.

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All chapters are now in POVs :)