Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter Fourteen

~:Chapter Fourteen:~

The sound of heavy breathing is clear in my ears. That and the sound of whispers and what sounded like a whimper.

I think it was when I hit thirty five when I blacked out, but I couldn't be sure. My eyes wouldn't open, they felt glued shut, or maybe the fatigue was too strong and my eyes needed some rest. It was a smart choice to keep my eye lids closed anyways, for the blinding light leaked through my eye lids.

Where was I? Panic shot through me, I could be in II. Back in the horrid place I waited three years to escape out of. I could be back in the place of my nightmares, where screams and cries where heard up and down the hall as I tried to sleep.

Instantly I sat up with my breathing heavy and my eyes wide. Unwanted tears made their great escape out of my eyes and down my cheeks, I wiped them frustratedly.

Harry's head shot up in an instant in hearing the bed shake. He looked scared, and I gulped at what he might be scared of. Me.

I looked down towards my wrist, which was now bandaged up. I hadn't realized how much the damage I'd done for the outcome to be a hospital room.

This place was all too familiar, maybe not the same hospital I've been in before but it still had that bleach odor, and the smell of dying people, sickness. Most of my nights were spent in the hospital because my lack of appetite, and my parents were starting to get suspicious.

"Harry?" I finally say, my throat is dry, and water my new desire, but I don't tell him.

He steps forward to my hospital bed taking my hand. "Joyce, baby."

It's the first time I've ever been called that, there were a few pet names my parents spoke to me, but none including this. I liked the way the word sounded from him.

"Harry why am I in the hospital? I'm perfectly fine," I insisted, but he didn't give one convincing look.

For the first time I saw Harry mad.

"Oh please Joyce, cut the crap will you?" Harry said, his voice rising from anger and I sat there, stunned.

"Can you for once look at it from my point of view Joyce, will you for one second?" Harry took an unsteady breath, "the girl I'm falling for is harming herself! And I walk into your apartment to see you unconscious with a pool of blood around your wrist! Do you know how hard that is to see? I might not be able to get those images out of my head, and I'm not sure if I can look at you the same way anymore."

No. No, no, no. This can't be happening.

My breathing was unsteady as I tried to hold in tears, his voice was the same as my fathers the day he kicked me out. Disappointed, ashamed. My chest rose in unbalanced breaths as I tried to calm myself down.

This is why I didn't want to get attached, because the people you care about always end up leaving you. It's inevitable. All because of something I can't help, all because of me.

All the feelings of betrayal, despair and disappointment mixed inside me. The depressing cloud hovered over me, it's raindrops of sadness splashing all over me.

I could feel the sad beats of my heart, they thumped in my chest, I feel myself break with every beat. Maybe clutching my chest would help, I put a helpless hand over my heart hoping the pain would diminish, it doesn't.

Harry's eyes softened, he had let go of my hand. It finally seemed to kick in for what Harry had said, and regret clear as day in his eyes.

The tears wouldn't come out, a lump pinched my throat as I held the tears in. My heart aching.

"Joyce. No. I'm just upset that you gave up on yourself, I know you're strong enough to fight this. But this one mistake doesn't change the way I feel about you Joyce."

Excuses excuses Harry. I know what you're trying to say.

I've made a lot of mistakes, Harry.

But I didn't say any of those, instead I said, "how do you feel about me?" When he didn't answer I turned my head, disgusted in myself.

He was right, I was stronger. So why had I given up so easily?

Harry's hand moved my head, his face coming back into my vision.

"I feel a lot of things for you," Harry says, but it doesn't answer my question.

I have nothing to give him but a weak smile, because I already gave him my heart.

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Ily all, stay strong beauts.

~:Grace:~