Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter Thirty Four

Honestly, it was a no brainer. I love Harry, and he loves me. What more could I ask for?

You see, you wouldn't understand unless you love someone unconditionally. It's not like the love I would feel for my parents if we were closer. It's nothing like loving a family member. It's something way more intimate, something that's sensational. It's wanting to curl up with that one special person, spend every second of everyday with them. Without them you feel lost, blind sighted.

I never would've assumed someone would love me like Harry. Never in a million years I would have guessed that someone would even glance at me. Why does he love me? It's a question I'll never quite figure out.

Sure, I wish to get better. But with Harry's help I'm sure I will. It might not be today, or tomorrow, or a year from now. It could take years, it could take months. I can't just wake up happy one morning. I can't just wake up and realize that I love myself. It will take time, but maybe if Harry's willing, he could help me love myself.

"I love you Harry," I say, he holds me tight and hides in my neck.

"And I love you darling," he says, making my heart melt. It feels so unreal. How could some angel, someone as perfect as Harry love such a self-destructive girl like me?

It all seems too good to be true. I can't just live in the moment because paranoia is a big issue with me.

The voices in my head keep telling me that this won't last, that something will go wrong. But I force myself not to think of those things for now, and enjoy the special moments like these.

I should feel thankful, I should feel overwhelmed with gratitude for having someone like Harry. Believe me I am, but I still feel broken inside. I can't help it. I've been like this for so long and I don't know how to move forward out of this sadness that has always been here for me.

But I've come to realize that spending my life in a institution won't make me happy, spending time with people I love will. I wish I would've realized it sooner but if I did I probably wouldn't have met the person holding me here today.

Happiness isn't something you earn, it's not a prize and it's not an achievement. Happiness comes and goes, there are times when you feel happy like when spring time comes and it's perfect weather and the flowers blossom. There are times when you're sad, times when you're scared.

Happiness isn't a permanent emotion, I won't always be happy like I've wanted to but that's completely alright as long as I have my happy days. And with harry I think I can find that.

You see I haven't really have had my happy days being in this dark storm of depression but I think things might clear up for me. The darkness gnawing away at me doesn't feel as strong and I think it's because Harry's love is stronger.

I don't know where our story goes from here, and I'm not sure where I'll end up. But whatever happens I'm just happy to have been as loved wildly and passionately by someone truly amazing.

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THE END