Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter Twenty Seven

"Forgetting anything?" Harry asks. And I shake my head no.

Just because it was an hour and a half drive doesn't mean I'll need anything special. Since my phone is history I decided to bring my prehistoric DS and play some plants vs zombies and game on some Mario kart.

Being the selfless person Harry is, he offered to buy me a new phone, but me being stubborn, I immediately refused. I really need to get a job and if I'm going to live, I might as well do something useful with my life.

"Yes Harry." I roll my eyes but he's just being thoughtful. We head to the car and my breathing increases.

Sara's note is in my hand protectively. I decided to bring her with me everywhere, even if its just a piece of paper.

We hit the road and Harry drives carefully and every once in a while glances over at me and smiles to himself. I place my hand on his upper thigh and the car swerves.

"You know, that's very distracting and I suggest you don't do that while I'm driving," Harry eyes me a playful wanting look. I giggle.

"Is that so?" I've never seen him so playful. My eyes glance down to his jeans and I see they're tighter by the second. My eyes widen and I look away, taking my hand off his leg. I strain a laugh at the thought of Harry being turned on by my gesture, this sort of thing is new to me since I've been stuck in a nut box since I was fifteen.

"You know, I was kidding. You can keep your hand there." He grins.

"No thanks," I scoff playfully, winking at him, but I'm sure he doesn't notice since his eyes are focused on the road.

He does though. His jaw drops. "Did you just wink at me, Joyce who are you?" He laughs placing his hand on my thigh this time, tracing patterns.

"Someone's awfully kinky today," I tease he only grins.

After an hour or so of jamming out and talking I feel the car halt abruptly making me fly forward, but luckily the seat belt locks and I'm just sitting there leaning into the seatbelt that saved me from hitting my head on the dashboard.

"We're here," he says. Looking over at me silently asking if I was okay. I nod.

I try not to get drowned by the massive wave that's about to come. The hole slowly tears about just a peek but enough to send me into panic. The memories flow into my mind uninvited.

"Oh Joyce, just stop already!" My mother seethes, "stop acting! Haven't you gotten enough attention?"

The words pierce through me like a spear. I knew I should at least put the facade back up instead of walking around like a zombie all day. Now this is the price I have to pay.

My weakness is shown in the amount of tears and there seem to be a lot of them. If I cry I'll just be seeking attention, I wipe them away.

"What are you talking about?" I whisper. The depression has taken over my voice, so I can barely speak.

"Don't play dumb!" She screams. What is wrong with her? Why is she acting this way?

"You've never been like this before Joyce. I don't know what's been happening to you, but I'm pretty goddam disappointed."

The memory stops and I remember I never got out of the car. Harry is on my side of the door, it's open. He's looking at me weirdly.

Right, you just had a terrible flashback and blacked out. I remind myself.

I get out of the car slowly, and I see the familiar house I lived in for most of my life, up until I turned fifteen. It's brick and a bit small. There are windows on either side of the door just a bit higher. The lawn is frozen and the driveway has a thin layer of snow.

I disturb the snow when Harry and I walk to the door. My chest still hurts at the flashback.

I'm surprised they didn't sell the house for some nicer one since they probably have more money without Josh and I. I'm surprised they kept a house with memories of me inside, the house that used to hold heavy burdens.

Harry comforts me when he holds my hand.

I can't do this

It's been four years now.

I yank my hand from Harry's and start to hyperventilate once we're one step away from the door. I back away slowly remembering more terrible memories.

"Get that fucking dog out of here! Can't you see I'm busy?!" My dad roars and Fudge whimpers when a pen gets thrown at his head.

"Dad!" I screech holding Fudge protectively.

"One more time and he's getting put down," Dad threatens. He's never been so angry, what's wrong with him? Is it my fault?

"Joyce? Darling are you alright?" Harry's in front of me. Wow it hasn't even been ten minutes and I already had another flashback.

"I'm fine," I assure quietly. Harry sighs knowing that I'm not at all fine but doesn't say anything.

He grabs my hand again, about to knock on the door but I interrupt by grabbing his shirt. He looks back at me confusedly.

"Harry I can't do this," I say weakly about to turn away but he stops me.

"Yes you can," he assures and kisses me on the lips gently.

I nod and sigh, he knocks on the door and in seconds a woman greets with a big smile.

"Joyce!"

Oh no.