To Be Depressed

Calories Are Like Demons

Calorie counting is always a bad idea.

Why know how much?

If you don't really care about your weight, still don't do it.

If you're obsessed, definitely don't do it.

I never did and never wanted to because I tend to get obsessive it comes to numbers - that's before we even get into weight issues.

I never did, until somebody else decided that they wanted me to eat a certain amount of calories per day.

This was for my own good, but I protested. Numbers were not going to help, they were going to make it worse.

Nevertheless, an agreement was made and it included the number.

We didn't calorie count my food, there being a specific number really just meant that I had to eat whatever I was told to.

I never reached the number, let alone exceed it.

But today, with that person, I worked out how much I do eat - on a good day.

To me, the number looked big. Much lower than the agreed number, but still big for me.

The person didn't see it.

So I made her work out how much she eats.

It was only one o'clock and she had already had four times what I eat on a good day - and she's trying to be healthy.

By the end of the day she would still be slightly below what she should be eating, according to the NHS - the British health services.

Yet, I would have a tiny fraction of that, if I was on a good day - which I was not.

Suddenly, that number didn't seem so big.

It seemed unhealthy, even.

So, the point of this story?

Don't calorie count.

If you're not bothered about your weight, don't check. What you see could cause you to worry. Calories seem like huge numbers. But they're not. They're just numbers.

If you are worried about your weight, don't check. Don't do it to yourself. What you see could cause you to worry more. You don't need to have any more to worry about. Knowing how much you're eating won't make you feel better. In fact, it will probably make yourself feel worse.

I've already written a chapter about eating disorders - Eating Disorders Are Like Self Harm - so I'm not going to start talking about how awful they are right now.

I just wanted to share this story with you, which I try not to do often because I'm sure it bores you.

I thought that it was something important I needed to say, and today I just couldn't find the words to do it without it being personalised.

I hope you're all well, or as well as you can be.

Remember, calories are like demons, they're hard to get rid of once they get in your head.