Sometimes it's not so bad.
You're not happy, you know you're not. But you're not exactly sad either.
Of course your sad is different. Your sad is blood stained arms, tear stained cheeks and a black stained heart.
Suicidal.
That's the word they'd use for you - if anyone really knew, understood.
But sometimes it's just numb. A dull ache you try to pretend doesn't exist, because at least you're not plotting your own demise. That's good at least, right?
Although, it can't last forever...
Tick tick tick
A little hopeful voice whispers to you "you're getting better. It'll be over soon".
And you want desperately to believe it.
But you can't.
You know.
Tick tick tick
Back comes the pain, seeping slowly in - first your unconscious, then your consciousness...
As time goes on your clean streaks days became numbered again.
Tick tick tick
Soon your mind begins to see things in it's old light again.
A razor becoming a tool for something other than shaving.
A pill becoming a tool for something other than curing illness.
Tick tick tick
Your friends notice your lack of talking, your teachers your slowness of work.
Tick tick tick
You find the only safe place is the bathroom floor.
The tears come readily now. The floodgates releasing them after your numbness.
Tick tick tick
Will the numbness come back?
Surely it must!
Your time is running out, you're pain consuming you again.
It hurts to breath again. Everything hurts.
Tick tick tick
You need to stop feeling, whatever the cost.
Tick. Tick. T
YOU ARE READING
To Be Depressed
Non-Fiction"If you think about being happy, you'll be happy." "Don't be so pessimistic!" "Everyone else can get through it, why can't you?" "Attention seeker!" You trying feeling like this then, if it's so easy... This is just my views on depression, a "taboo"...
