Invasionally Influenced

Stupid Pyschiatrist

Painful. I'm telling you, it's painful.

Hearing him speak that is.

Jade and Luke are with me now, so luckily for me I won't be on my own.

Don't get me wrong is he a gorgeous human specimen but because of our history, I just can't help but feel sorry for everyone who knows him.

How awful am I!

I've always told myself not to dwell in the past, and anything that happens is a mistake.

But I don't know, I'm dwelling well in the past because of my grudge on Zac.

Hopefully though I won't have to put up with it for too long as I'm going back to school.

It's about time.

I'm sort of sad to leave though. I shouldn't be I'm gonna be back soon; cancer does that.

It's inevitable.

However, there's a down side to going back to school.

You see, before Doctor Zac Clark came in to my hospital room, Jade and Luke were telling me that everybody literally everybody knows that I have cancer. And I don't think I can cope with all the questions, I know I will receive.

Also, everybody is gonna treat me different, gonna look at me different. It's gonna be really weird.

I've known this hospital for over 2 weeks now, well 3 technically but I wasn't conscience to know, and I'm sort of attached to it.

Okay, now I'm a really weird sentimental person.

Moving on.

I need to focus on what Doctor Zac is talking about.

Ears please work now.

".... Eh, well it depends on what engine you get. If it's a V8 then maybe, a V12 definitely." Great smack bang in the middle of the conversation, great job everybody.

I mentally applaud my brain.

"Sorry, what are you on about?" I ask quizzically.

"Oh just engines and racing. Now about your discharge. You have to sign a few bits and pieces-" I interrupt.

"Wait, I'm being discharged today, like nowish?" A look of surprise I think is on my face.

"Umm.... Well yes." Zac says leaving me gobsmacked with my mouth gaped.

What! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! This is not happening to me.

My breathing suddenly becomes difficult, and my heart feels like it's going to explode.

"Jessy, it's okay just breath. It's just a panic attack you're having." Luke says rubbing my shoulder. I'm handed an oxygen mask and I start taking slow deep breaths like I know I should.

I look over to Jade and see that she looks frantic to say the least.

When I finally stop having my stupid panic attack. Everybody turns their attention to Jade, who by now looks like she is dieing.

"Jade, what's wrong?" I ask. She slowly turns her head to look at me and I see what I never thought I would see. Her.

"It won't stop Jessy. I keep seeing Amelia, and her struggling to stay alive. She's just trapped and I can't do anything. I'm just lying under a poll crying, screaming her name." Tears start leaving her eyes. "She could have been saved, she could still be here. If it wasn't for me and my coward-ism."  I once again interrupt.

"Jade that's enough. No more words are necessary. We moved on, it's in the past. Don't dwell in the past it's all a mistake." I say firmly as if I was in authority.

"A mistake! She wasn't a mistake!" Jade snaps back in between sobs. "She was everything but a mistake." Her face drops and a loud sob fills the room.

"Jade!" I yell and sit up grabbing her shoulder. "It was not you fault do you her me. We've made mistakes. Me with Elis' parents, Elis with my mum and Luke with his brother. It just makes us human. Now grow up! There was no way you could of helped Amelia! She was dead before you could notice! If you had lifted the metal roof off of her she would have bleed to death! Then it would have been your fault! Just forget about her! I'm not going to pick up the pieces for you anymore. I have own problems to deal with!" And that was it. I had said what I said. Broken my promise to Luke about keeping his secret about his brother. Broken my own morals.

There was no turning back.

I let go of her shoulder, and sit back. Luke looks at me harshly. Then hugs Jade.

"How can you not care anymore?" Jade asks after wiping her face on Luke's shirt.

"I don't want to live with that memory of what I saw on April 28th. So how can I not care anymore." I repeat. "It's simple, I didn't care in the first place." Harshness evident in my voice.

"That's the thing with you, you never cared. And what about Luke's secret?" I feel my face drop and turn to look at Luke. His face stern, and angry.

"I can't tell you, ask Luke yourself." I say looking at Luke.

Doctor Hannah Colin walks in with my discharge forms and I sign along the dotted lines I'm told I need to sign. I tick a few boxes and get the nod from Doctor Hannah implying I can go now.

I start to pack up my things when Doctor Zac Clark comes over.

"That wasn't very nice what you did to Jade." He whispers hovering over my bags.

"Well then you're a stupid psychiatrist if you couldn't see that Jade needed to hear that." I whisper back nodding and packing.

I get no response.

I turn towards the direction of Jade who is talking to Luke.
"You need a psychiatrist more then I do love." I call over to her.

Why did I just say that? I'm going home with her. Just great Jessy, just great.

"I'm going to be coming with you as well Jessy." Zac says behind me breaking the silent air.

"What! No way!" I say turning sharply to him.

"Oh yes way!" Zac says all jolly.

This. Can't. Be. Happening. To. Me.