Invasionally Influenced

Forgotten Memories

My heart starts pounding.

My head starts spinning.

My eyes start burning.

This cannot be happening. I think to myself.

I'm dying for sure.

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After I had told Jade to help me, I took a turn for the worst. I felt my whole world collapse right in front of me. 

Everything just hurt. I thought of my mum and her death. I thought of Luke and his brother's tragic death. I thought of Elis and her parents death. I thought of Jade and her girlfriend's death. It all just hurt.

I felt like nothing could stop the pain.

I was taken for a CT scan to see if the cancer has worsened. But I'm not quiet sure.

I was unfocused when the results were told.

I just felt my heart pounding.
My head spinning.
My eyes burning.

I was so angry at myself. I let this happen to myself.

I let my guard down for one second and this is what happens.

So now I'm back were I started.

I'm getting my French results back. And I'm feeling hopeless staring at the piece of paper with it's big F written on it.

I'm seeing my best friend tell me that I can't fail anymore because I've failed three times.

I'm seeing my angry argument with Jade right in front of Luke.

I'm seeing Luke melt right in front me as he tells his brother's death. And his time in prison.

I'm seeing the disappointment in Elis' eyes as I tell her killed her parents.

It's the same pain.

All my life I have been experiencing the same pain. But never noticed.

A tear comes to my eye.

I can see my mum. She looks so happy.

We're in the park. I must be about 5 as my dad is with me. They both look so happy.

Mum and dad are eating things from the picnic that I'm guessing mum made. I'm making a daisy chain while sitting under the big oak tree.

The sun is beaming down. It's so bright and beautiful.

The park has green grass and green bushes covered in pretty flowers. There's a small pond about 50 meters aways from where I'm sitting. It has Lilly's covered all over it.

You can hear all the other children playing and laughing as the summer day gets to it's peak.

You can see children with there ice creams from the ice cream van.

Then as I look into the distance to the hear birds I see my mum and dad. My dad's kissing my mum on the cheek and probably whispering I love you into her ear. My mum is giggling.

Then BANG!

The noise.

The gun shot.

I look around than back to my dad. He's lying on the picnic blanket. My mum screaming and crying while holding him.

Children, parents and grandparents are running away from the park. Police officers are pointing guns left right and centre.

I want to run. But I can't. I'm frozen to the spot. I was just looking at my parents. How could this happen?

My tear falls from my eye. Then another.

"Jessy what's the matter?" A voice says.

I go to say but can't. I can't bring myself to say the words out loud. I can't say I remember my dad. Because I don't. I remember him being shot. I remember the years of pain on my mum's face, afterwards. I remember everything but my dad.

"I want to leave." I tell the voice. "Leave wherever I am." Another tear falls. "I want to go to school, and be normal."

"Okay. You're in hospital still. And you are already discharged. Would you like me to take you to school?" The voice asks. My eyes open.

The burning has finally stopped. My heart is no longer pounding an my head is no longer spinning.

"Yes please." I say, sadness evident in my voice.

I'm helped up and off the bed. I'm helped to the door and out the hospital.

I hear a car door open. And even though my eyes are open everything is too blurry.

I'm helped into the car. And I'm helped with my seatbelt.

The car engine starts and we're off.

Me and whoever it is.

On the way my vision becomes less blurry and I can see who is in the car.

Elis is driving. Jade in the back with me. Luke in the front with Elis.

"Who was it speaking to me earlier?" I ask still with sadness traced in my voice.

"Me!" Response Jade. I turn to look at her so I can read her facial expressions.

"But why?" I ask in a soft voice.

"Because you asked for help. And because it's either live or die." Jade says in the same tone I know I said it in. "And also because you were crying. By the way, what were you crying about, you never said?" She adds in a sarcastic way.

"I'll tell you when we get to school." I insist.

"Fine."

"Oh, just for the record what happened to that party you were gonna throw on the weekend when we had our argument about who was having a conversation with Luke?" Luke turns to look at us. A smile breaks on my face.

"I will tell you when we get to school." She says in a giggle.

I know that was pay back for the few seconds before.