Secrets

Chapter 30

This chapter is dedicated to zaynbrooksluke FOR BEING SO AMAZING!!! She has been supporting my stories since the beginning :) you guys can contact me on wattpad, Instagram, or kik. -Sarina

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I was finally ready for the party and walked out of the lobby of the apartment.

Once I got to Louis's house everyone jumped out of their hiding spots, screaming "happy birthday". I tried my best to look surprised and smiled at everyone. "Wow guys! You really got me!" I lied. The song "bleeding out" by imagine dragons started playing and everyone was dancing, some people talking amongst each other. I walked over to Louis in the living room, where the "gang" was. I took a seat next to Louis. "You look amazing!" Liam said, and I smiled in reply, making sure to thank him.

I felt so lonely here without Niall. "Where's your little puppet, Niall?" Sasha blurted out, Julie made sure to punch her arm so she didn't say any other stupid things. "He couldn't come." I said, giving her the most fake smile. "On your birthday?" Harry asked, he looked extremely surprised. "Yes and? We've only been dating for three or so months now, it's not like we can't live without each other." I snapped, I was tired of everyone reminding me of his absence. "Alright sorry." Harry said, putting his hands up to show he gives up. "It's okay, can we talk about something else now?" I say as they all nodded. "Let's go dance." Liam offers and I nod, I can feel the awkward tension in the room. I should have never shown up.

Sasha and Zayn started dancing together, Louis went into the kitchen to talk to a group of girls I have never seen in my life, Liam started dancing with Julie and it was just me and Harry now. "May I have this dance with you?" He asked, bowing down, which made me giggle. "Yes, thank you." I answered as he placed his hands on my hips, my hands resting on his shoulders as we swayed back and forth to the music.

The song "Demons" started playing, I loved this song.

"I love this song." I mumbled as Harry smiled. "Imagine Dragons?" He asked and I nodded, answering his question. "They seem pretty cool." He said, as I closed my eyes, swaying back and forth to the song, imaging Niall dancing with me right now. It's only been a week and I miss him more than ever. When I opened my eyes again, Harry was looking down. "Is something wrong?" I asked, as he looked up. "No it's just...nothing." He mumbled. "Harry, you can tell me." I assure him, making him smile. "I know this girl, she's beautiful. I have known her for a while and been trying to make a move on her for a while but she doesn't trust anyone kind of like you." Harry explained. "That's it? Harry just do it, this isn't sixth grade anymore where you stuck notes on a girls locker. Just go and tell her how you feel." I said, making him chuckle lightly. "Thanks Maria." He whispered, letting go of my waist. "I'm going to tell her right now." He said with confidence in his voice, walking over to a girl with dirty blonde hair. He was right; she was beautiful.

It made me smile the way he played with his fingers, showing how nervous he was to tell her his feelings. The entire time he looked into her eyes, her cheeks blushed as he told her, she leaned in, and gave him a kiss. I was happy for him. That's when I realized I was crying, my life will never be like that. Everything has to be complicated for me. Where is Niall when I actually need him?

"Your eyes they shine so bright, I wanna save that light."

My favorite part of the song played, making me cry even harder. I quickly ran into the bathroom, making sure no one saw me cry. I cried as cried, letting it all out.

All my make up rubbed off my the time I stopped crying, I washed my face and walked out, pretending like nothing happened.

Everyone was in their own little world, everyone was with their own partner; and I was here all alone, with no one to share my sadness with. I felt someone's touch on my shoulder, when I turned around here he was, Niall.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, barely a whisper. "I postponed Boston, I told her id go there tomorrow." He explained. "Do you realize how I've been feeling? This entire week I've felt like shit, crying my self to sleep every night waiting for you to notice me! I am living in my own hell right now and here you are going to see Veronica." I say, trying my best not to cry again as I bit my lip. "Maria I-l I'm sorry. Let me take you home tonight, I'll make it up to you." He says calmly, calming me down a bit. I can't let him have it that easily.

"No, I'm not going anywhere with you. You say the same crap each time we fight." I said, crossing my arms. "Look I fucked up okay? I was scared Maria, I was scared! I was having a son with with a woman I don't love how do you think that makes me feel? I'm not ready and I didn't know what to do so I sucked my self in, deeper and deeper. I was scared to talk to you, I was scared to be near you because I knew if I did I couldn't handle myself, I am a fuck up and I'm sorry. I love you so much, I don't deserve you but I need you." He went on, making me cry again. His explanation did cause some eyes to glance over at us but I didn't care.

"You left me Niall. I was alone, sad and alone." I whispered, my voice stuttering. Without saying anything he leaned into me, kissing me passionately.

He grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to his body to the point there was no space between us. I placed my hands on his shoulders as his lips trailed down my neck, causing me to silently moan. He finally pulled away, which I didn't want him to. "Do you know how long I've wanted to do that?" He finally said, cupping my cheeks in his hands. "And I'm sorry baby." He whispered, making me smile. "Let's go home." I finally said.

Without saying goodbye or eating a slice of my birthday cake, we ditched my own party.

"Do you have to see Veronica? Can't she see it with her family or something?" I said, biting my lip since I knew he probably would get mad at me. "Her family kicked her out because of the baby." He said so bluntly. "And you don't feel bad at all?" I asked. "I dunno, it's not like it was my fault." He said so simply. "But it was, you got her pregnant Niall." I said, starting to get annoyed. "What am I supposed to do? Help her raise a baby I want nothing to do with?!" He snapped. "What about me? Would you just ditch me if I was pregnant?" I yelled back. I could tell he was getting annoyed. "Of course not! I love you this is completely different. I was an immature asshole and forgot to put a condom on!" He yelled.

That night we arrived home it was silent.

Not the usual silence, but a feeling of absence.

I changed into my pajamas and laid next to him on the bed, shutting my eyes as I tried to fall asleep in his arms that no longer held the comfort I seeker in them.

Niall has completely changed. He actually yelled at me tonight, even though he confessed how much he loved me he still yelled at me later on. He has changed so much since three months ago when I met him. He's been avoiding we for a week and seems like he doesn't care the way he used to care about me.

All of this breaks my heart, and shatters me to pieces. I wanted to cry right there on the spot but I couldn't, Niall was next to me. I can't handle another heart break, not after Josh. Niall is my breaking point, if he leaves, I don't know how ill handle it.