“The Memory” Mayday Parade
I floated easily above, looking down with no eyes. I felt like a ball of light of some sort. I floated restlessly, looking at my lifeless body. So this is how death felt.
The feeling of floating around was starting to wear off; I could feel myself disappearing. I was slowly fading into nothingness… It was fucking scary.
If I could have laughed I would have- a long, dry laugh. Told you, Kenna, there’s no afterlife. It’s all just hell.
I tried to hold on to the small string that kept me from completely disappearing. I tried holding on to all my emotions. I looked around aimlessly for a bit, as if finally realizing where I was.
My room was rather bland; standard beige walls, a twin bed pushed up against the wall, a desk and a TV. Nothing hanged on the walls. Nothing. The word reminded me of what I was becoming. I was becoming nothing.
I stared at my lifeless body once again. The small white pills laid around me. My blue eyes had rolled to the back of my head, turning a sick grey color. My skin looked disgusting. There seemed to be nothing peaceful about death. If anything, I was just more restless than before. More anxious. I needed Kenna to walk in before I completely disappeared.
I floated around; growing more restless by the second. Death was stupid, there was nothing to do- just like my life, my life had been stupid, it was all one big joke.
I waited for Kenna. I imagined she’d walk in and drop to her knees and cry. Maybe she’d scream and go get help. She’d probably check my pulse, inside she already knew I was dead, but she would still try. Maybe she’d even drop to her knees in desperation and pray.
Maybe.
I felt myself drifting away from… reality? Life? What was it? I held on again, all I really wanted was for Kenna to walk in and see me. I just wanted to see her reaction.
“Joey!” Kenna’s voice drifted up. “Joey, come down, I need to talk to you.”
If I could have smiled I would have. It was a bit cynical, wasn’t it? Smiling at someone discovering a body- cause that’s all it was, a body…
“Joey, come down. Please.” Kenna’s voice sounded a bit off; she was getting closer. I could almost feel her presence.
She walked in then. Her eyes seemed tired and old, as if she herself had seen too much. Kenna had always been the stronger of us two. She had been a rock, but lately I had become heavier than the rock and we’d both started to sink.
It’s better this way. She’ll live happily.
Almost instantly Kenna saw my body- laying there, no blood, just pills.
“Joey! You fucker!” Kenna screamed, checking the body’s inexistent pulse. When she felt nothing she started panicking, her hands were visibly shaking. Back and forth, back and forth; just like a metronome. She started to speak to herself, “Fuck, Joey. Fuck. Okay, he’s okay, Kenna. Just calm down, call 9-1-1. It’s okay.” She did as she had told herself. Her hands stopped shaking and she dialed the number. Hurriedly, she gave all the needed information. She started pacing the room, avoiding Joey’s limp body.
I wish I could go down there and tell her its okay. Death isn’t so bad.
Siren’s wailed in the background and Joey felt himself becoming calm. This time he didn’t fight the nothingness. Kenna will be safe. She’ll be happy. She’s better off now. No strings attached, nothing to hold her back. She’ll be great.
Feeling content with what his suicide had accomplished, Joey let himself go. He easily fell into the nothingness. Kenna will be happy.
